How to deal with my alcoholic father?

My father's been constantly drinking since his hip surgery about 3 months ago. When I come home, he's either falled on the ground or he's just so drunk that you can't understand him when he talks.





I go to Al-Anon and they say to ';Let them be';. I just want to beat the ever living crap out of him. Should I just let my emotions fly at him or just really ';let him be?';How to deal with my alcoholic father?
You should let him know how you really feel and what his behavior is doing to you....but do it when he's sober.


Keeping this bottled up inside you will only hurt you both in the long run.How to deal with my alcoholic father?
find a different alanon they are wrong to tell you that
Why would they tell you to just let him be, go find some other source of help and report those people.
LET HIM BE.MY FATHER IS ONE TOO.YOU CANT MAKE SOMEONE WHO HAS A PROBELM STOP IF THEY DONT WANT TOO.IF HE WANTS TO DRINK HIMSELF INTO OBLIVION THATS HIS PROBELM.GET YOURSELF OUT OF THE SITUATION AS MUCH AS YOU CAN.
You need to get professional help. You will not find an answer here. You sound angry to me . You need to see a counselor.


I don't know how old you are but if you are a child , tell an adult how you are feeling. Don't bottle up that anger.


You cannot make you dad stop drinking but you can get out of the situation.


Seek help for yourself.
When he has a sober moment, ask him if you can have a private talk with him. Explain that you are concerned he will injure himself while he is drunk.
It's tough to tell a grown person what to do. Maybe some co-operation with your mother will help to provide the minor hints he needs to get back on track. Hobbies, sports. His time must be filled with something other than the bottle.
when he's awake ask him why he's drinking so badly


maybe he's been really lonely at home with nobody to talk to...


he's your dad..put him back on the right track, good luck
tell him...but do it when he is sober...


just tell him how much you love him, and how much it pains you to see him in this condition. Give him a guilt trip about it, and that may make him wanna get slobering drunk, but i bet his drunk ';high'; will suck and he will start feeling remorseful and angry at himself for hurting his loved ones.
You should let him be...and dont supply him alcohol. I go to AA for volunteer programing that i do and it took familys to turn on one another to get Alcoholics to realize that theyre sick. He has to find his higher power. Type up the Serenity prayer and print it out large enough and put it places where he goes and he will eventually read it and find his higher power. He needs to go to AA and get a Sponsor!
There is nothing you can do to MAKE him change. This is why Al-Anon tells you this.





If you have spoken to your father about your concerns, and he is unwilling to change, there is nothing more you can do. Physical abuse will not help. Al-Anon is to help YOU cope while you have to put up with this.





The only way he will change is when he decides to. This may take a while, he may have to reach rock-bottom to realize where he is.





Avoid him if possible, find supportive friends and a SAFE place to go if things get too bad, a trusted friend or a relative.





Been there, done that. I'm sorry you're there.
well if you let him be he may not be around for much longer. let him know it hurts. if that doesnt work (since it didnt work with my mother and shes the drunkest person on earth) then let him be. if the alcohol is more important, so be it. its his life. im sorry its affecting you. dont hate him, its poisoning his mind body and soul, he cant help it unless he stops it. and thats probably not going to happen.
JUST LET HIM BE. IF YOU DO LET THEM FLY AND AFTER ALL IS SAID AND DONE HE WILL STILL BE DRUNK. I KNOW THAT THIS MAY HURT YOU A LOT BUT THE BEST THING THAT YOU CAN DO IS TRY TO CATCH HIM WHEN HE'S SOBER AND TALK TO HIM THEN. TELL HIM THAT IT IS HURTING YOU AS WELL AS HIMSELF.
This is such a difficult situation. I have dealt with a drunk dad for 20 years now. When i was little i would pour out his beer or hid it hoping he would get the point. well, the only point he got to was pissed. once, I got older I tried to make him choose, which only lasted for a little while. Now, my recent one deals with my husband and him not wanting to go there. So i have faced the fact that he will not stop drinking even for his kids but i told him that we will not come over when he is drinking and he does not now when we are there or before. You really cannot make his decision for him to completely stop drinking but you can limit it. As for the meetings you go to, that is very good but i think what they are telling you is not true. You should never let your feelings ';just be';. Good luck and remember it is not you it is him.
i have been there, you have to let him be you can't change him he can only change himself if he wants to change. Just tell him that his drinking is hurting you. But leave it at that, don't talk to him and don't let him know that you are mad but let him know you are upset.
I had an alcoholic mother growing up, its not easy. She would drink EVERY night, and late into the night.. Its embarrassing and you sometimes feel like the parent yourself. I didn't' know what do to either, but my mom drank herself to death, and now I regret not doing anything. Write him a letter that he can read when he is sober.. even if its when hes drunk, he can re read it at another time. Explain EVERYTHING to him, what its doing to you and your family, get serious and get really deep...involve ALL your emotions..this is a start..good luck!
When some one is an alcoholic the whole family is effected.


The hardest thing to do is to get the alcoholic to want help.


If you have other family members you could try an intervention with the person and see if that would help.


Good luck this will not be an easy task. I hope the best for you and your family.
Have an intervention he is obviously either in pain ( so he drinks) or he is in a severe depression ( so he drinks). It is really hard to be a vital,productive person ( especially men) then have to be ';helped'; after an operation. If you can figure out the cause of his sudden daily drinking you can help him get the proper medication and counseling he may need.





Good luck!
ask Doctors for advice





Dr.Phil for example .. email him .. I watched few shows on TV that he helped some people like your father to quit drinking





http://www.drphil.com
That is one difficult question if i where in your shoes i would take the liquor and lock it up if that don't work sit him down when he is sober and tell him how it hurts you and explain to him what you are feeling it might help i know its hard but he is your father so try and be there for him i wish you the best of luck.





P.S my friend had the same problem until she spoke to him about it and how she felt and it worked so i hope it works for you good luck.
chances are sweetie that if he just recently started this habit after he got hurt, that means in some way he is depressed. ppl dont pick up habits like that unless something is really bothering them. try talking to him when he's sober, ask him whats going on with him what could be bothering him, you might be surprised at what you could find out. but dont walk out on him, he seems like he is in a state if dependency, he needs someone, he needs help.
Hi


Since he had surgery 3 months ago, is he also on Pain Meds? This can have a worse effect when he is drinking, also it is not safe for him to mix. It would make him more susceptible to getting more drunk.


Good luck hun. If things get out of hand, I would leave the house til he was better.
don't let him be because he may just get worse and that will make your life even worse. you should let your emotions out and tell him what you really feel when he is ab it sober to understand what ure trying to say. Is it just you and ure dad at home? Mabey if it is you should move out for a while and then he'll realise what he's doing to himself! that's a toughie i think there's support groups for people who are related to people with alcholic problems mabye you can look them up and seek help from them as well. Good luck with it though!
I had one too. We did an intervention and he was furious with all of us for years. He did finally stop all on his own, though. I'm glad you're going to Al-Anon. Since they are the ones with experience, I would suggest doing whatever they say. I hurt for you and will pray for your situation to get better.
Im 21 and my father is an alcoholic.He claims he is destined since his father was. although i disagree i think hes doing it to bottle up the past the the present problems and his lonleness and i htink he feels like his life didnt turned out as sucessful or rewarding as he thought. Hes been doing this for about 2 years now, and it gets so bad now that the ambulence visits us at least once a week. My father was such a greta guy before this, now i do not know him anymore physically and mentally different. i feel lke hes dead. i miss my olf father, but to be honest the only thing i suggest is having someone to talk to like al anon, or focus on religion (if you infact believe in it)it helps me alot. Try not to feel like your responsible for helping to get back or clean things up or like everythings up to you, and i read the other replys and the thing is ive already sat with my dad, told him how i felt when he was sober, it doesnt matter, he keeps saying hes sorry and will get better, but it all gets thrown out the window. sometimes they just cant be helped.it has to be somehting inside them strong enough to want to really do somthing about it. I suggest you try to do what u can to be independent. Its hard for me to move out if this horrible house when im a full time student, but now i tired doing somthing that will make me enough money , do whatever it takes to be able to support yourself first, get out of the enviroment, then you can allow yourself to try to help.somtimes alcoholic have to hit rock bottom before they relize, but sadly sometimes rock bottom is death. It kill sme ot see my father dying slowly each day, but after so many times of the same crap, theres nothing you can do.Someone shouldnt keep you from your happyness and you dotn want to ruin your future, and repeat the same things with your children. So the best advice basically is talk to someone abotu how you feel, even your dad alothough dont be surprised if it doesnt help, find a good friend or family memeber you can turn to in emergencys and set yourself up to be by yourself or on your own so your not contstantly around such a sad enviroment-good luck-jessica
There's these pills you should get him to get on for alcoholics. That will make them sick, if they take a drink of alcohol. My cousin was on them years, ago, and he's been sober ever since. Does, he have insurance? You maybe could even get them through some sort of AA classes. Or call AA, and ask your local groups what to do, or how you get the pills. I think their called.. Antibuse. I'm not sure, but they sure will help you with your father. Then, if you love him go to AA meetings with him, once he's sober, so he'll get support. Good-Luck, Honey!!
I'm not sure steady drinking for 3 months qualifies as ';alcoholism';. He's not doing it to change his personality, it sounds as though he's self-medicating with alcohol to dull pain from the surgery. There are other ways, obviously.





One step lass drastic than attacking him would be to hide his liquor for at least a day, then talk to him about how all this makes you feel. You can't reason with someone when they're drunk OR hungover, so it has to be when he's sober. Try that. And yes, change AL-Anon groups- ';Letting Him Be'; ain't gonna cut it.
Intervention is the best solution. before it becomes a big problem, or health risk.