I think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?

I'm 17 and I have depression and social anxiety. I've dealt with an alcoholic dad who abused my mom and other family problems. I have no friends because I'm too scared to talk to them. A lot of kids rejected me when I was younger because I'm quiet. Some of them would tell me they wouldn't want me around. I got picked on a lot. Even in my last year of high school I'm still dealing with it.



I think a lot about others and how much pain they are in. As a male, I feel very inferior to women. The reason is that they can have children and it must be painful and uncomfortable to deal with periods every month. It makes me feel like I'm worthless. I keep having thoughts about cutting myself across the stomach just so I can have a small idea of what it's about. Even then I still wouldn't know. I think that because I'm a male, I have no right to complain. I grew up primarily around women and I thought about how teachers in schools always sided with the girls.



Then I think about people in other countries who are suffering. Some have no food and die everyday. Some can't even afford pencils or even the right to an identity. I even think about innocent people who are killed or tortured by serial killers. All of this just makes me want to harm myself all over. Only reason I haven't done it yet is becuse I'm around my family all the time and we are very dysfuntional. I'm afraid to try anything right now. I feel that once I leave, I may have to take a butcher knife and mark myself.



I also constantly have thoughts of killing myself. In these thoughts, I think about different ways to do it. Either hanging myself or shooting myself or even sacrificing myself to save everyone else. In every scenario nobody really cares. They wouldn't even know I was gone since they don't even know who I am. Even if they do know me, it wouldn't make a difference to them. I've been getting counselling, but these thoughts are so overwhelming. I don't know what to do. I feel like I deserve to suffer is what I'm saying.I think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
hurting yourself won't make it better for anyone else or for you.



don't try and ';bring yourself up'; to another level by hurting yourself. thast just crazy and it won't help. so... don't do it.



i hope your counseling works outI think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
You need to seek counsel right away. Get on the suicde hotline in your area right away and someone will come and be with you. You need professional help. And if you are suffering in such a terrible way you deserve it youself to have that chance to fix what you think might be unfixable.

Trust me , get help now, do not wait...call 911
i can understand a lot of how you feel,my familys crazy too, I think it will help to get your feelings and thoughts out so maybe start writing in a notebook or something. Write about something that happened in the past or how you feel about your family or What even happened to you that day. Just get it all out .It helps me and it makes me feel less pressured. But thats not enough you should also talk to someone like a therapist or someone from school. You could even talk with me if you like