I'm in Love with an alcoholic...... Any Advice on how to deal with ups and downs??

My live in boyfriend is a functioning alcoholic. He is great when he's not under the influence, very normal, loving and caring ( and even when he's only had a few) but when he's drunk it's like Dr. Jjeckle and Mr. Hyde. He's Horrible! He says awful demeaning things and acts like he hates me. The next morning he doesn't even remember acting up and the nice guy is back. This happens on a nightly basis! How can I separate the man from the disease and learn to not take this to heart?I'm in Love with an alcoholic...... Any Advice on how to deal with ups and downs??
Everyone is different. HE is the person that has to find the solution though. You can help %26amp; support him.



Alcohol makes people's minds play tricks on them in subtle as well as blatant ways.



All I can suggest is patience, as much as you can. He might fail 100 times - he only needs to succeed ONCE. Even if he falls off the wagon later, just get right back on.



After 10 years of increasing drinking, I quit last year, when I became a Buddhist. I just stopped on Halloween %26amp; haven't even been tempted since. My problem was being obsessive %26amp; not being able to let go of problems I had no solution for. Buddhist meditation allows me to let go - so now I have no issues at all.



It is individual, it is different for everyone and it is possible.



Good Luck.I'm in Love with an alcoholic...... Any Advice on how to deal with ups and downs??
Break up w/ him and stay away unless he totally stops drinking for a long period of time. You can't marry a man like this, think of future children. What if you were to get pregnant right now? You will have many an argument about money =(.
The only way things can get better is for your boyfriend to be a recovering alcoholic and not an active one. If he continues to drink things will only get worse not better. There are only three possible outcomes when someone drinks that much:

1. Rehab

2. Jail

3. Death



Help him get to rehab now before one of the other two outcomes happens first.
You can't he is married to his alcohol. He needs counselling, maybe treatment and AA. Most people that are involved in these relationships are co-dependant and enablers to the alcoholic. I recommend you go to AL-Non and a counsellor to help you through this. Mentally healthy people attrack healthy minds.
Without going into great lengths, I want to tell you this: It's important to recognize that he does indeed have a problem. Have you talked to him about this at all? If so, how did he react? Did he blow you off or does he himself admit to his disease. AA is the best start for your boyfriend. A treatment center--inpatient--is better. As for you, you can't go on living this way. Love him or not, you are enabling his behavior to continue and in essence ';feeding'; his addiction by staying around and helping him and putting up with his behavior. You should find a local al-anon meeting and attend. It is for loved ones of alcoholics. Take the first step now.



Good luck.
He needs to stop drinking, go to treatment, get a sponsor. All that. If not, you're in a losing battle. Ask him to get help or have him leave till he does. I know that just made you mad and scared, but the truth is the truth. You are hurting both him and yourself if you don;t make a demand to get help. You, in the meantime, could check out some ALANON meetings. This will give you an entire new perspective on the whole situation.

Best of luck!
What.....did i miss something?

Is he the last man on earth?



If you stay with him...you are headed down a long,miserable road.It will be just a matter of time before the abuse starts.Then you put on a mask where you say you think are happy but deep down you are hurting (emotionally).There are plenty of men out there that will treat alot better than he will.



The bad will outweigh the good.



Keep moving on....forget him.
You can't. It's an insane roller-coaster ride and it doesn't get better. Speaking from experience. Married to one. Lord knows I've tried to block out 1/2 of our life together trying to make sense of it. Doesn't work. Can't make sense out of insanity no matter how you try. Trying to get the courage to end it myself so I know what you're feeling. Previous advice was the best. Just alot easier said than done. Without treatment.....you're only pro-longing the inevidable. Now it's saying hurtful things...next it's jobs and family and money and lord knows what else. But mines like yours....he doesn't remember it.....so no big deal. But it is a big deal and it eats away at you like a cancer. Get out and get help ..... it's effecting you more than you know.
I suggest you both attend either Alcoholics Annonymous or enroll in a Teen Challenge chapter. Both have proven records of helping people recover and stay sober and also have ways of helping the victims who need support as well.



If he refuses to get help, drop him, move out or make him move out and find someone who doesn't have this kind of problem. Sooner or later, without treatment, he will become physically abusive and you will become battered and bruised. Get out of the situation now before it gets worse.



I thinbk you both also need to find out what true love really is and isn't. Read in the Bible I Corinthians 13 ';The Love Chapter'; where it says love is patient and kind and seeks not its own way at the expense of others. It isn't boastful or proud and always believes in the positive. This love is such that it will gladly give its own life to save the life of another. It says of faith, hope and love that the greatest is love. It is this kind of love that has kept my wife and I married for over 28 years. It takes both partners working on it to be successful and if one isn't going to commit to it and work it out, then the relationship is doomed to fail. Not having this kind of love is the main reason why the divorce rate is so high.



If your BF isn't going to get treatment and/or counseling and work towards real love, dump him. I then suggest that you find a Bible believing church and join the singles group there. You will find that most people there will be following the principles listed above and you will have the support you need in the face of crisis.
heelo what a nitemare you are in i was with a functional alcoholis for 17 years and we have three children. You need to realize you can't fix him and you definitely can't change someone who doesn't want to change. It only took me 17 years to figure this out and my children are the ones that suffered for it because i would lie to them in regards to their father and the things they remember my god i wish i could turn back time and change all of it the few good memories are not worth all the bad ones and the scaars mentally you should never have to endure. Please take heed in what i am saying to you and i will pray for you god bless and take care of your number 1 priority which is you and your children but the number one priority is you believe it or not cause if you are not alright than who do they have