Alcoholic father, how to deal?

My father is an alcoholic. He gets drunk every night (if he doesn't it's because we're doing something where he can't be drunk at) and is an absolute a$$hole. He doesn't hit us or anything, and he isn't like screaming. But, even after a few drinks, he thinks nothing is his fault. He laughs loudly and way too much, thinks everything is funny, when is reality it's embarrassing and it makes me hate him. He acts the complete opposite of how he is sober, and I hate him when he's drunk. He puts himself ahead of his family. He puts down my mom and tries to blame everything on everyone else, including us.

He doesn't have a job right now (not because of being alcoholic, because his work closed due to the recession) so he starts drinking in the early afternoon (2-3 pm). He stays out of home most of the day because apparently being with his family for more than just sleep is too much to ask. He nearly missed my birthday dinner because he was out drinking with his friends.



When sober he loves animals, is quiet, will actually listen to what you are saying. But he is the complete opposite when drunk. He makes me embarrassed of him and makes me cry and I just hate him when he's drunk.



Is there anyway to get him to stop drinking so much?



Thank you so much.Alcoholic father, how to deal?
I'm so sorry to hear that :(

I would sit down with him when he seems calm (and sober), and tell him pretty much what you've written here. Perhaps you can get your family to sit down as well and tell him how his drinking is negatively effecting your lives. After that, maybe you could give him the addresses and meeting times of AA groups or a therapist he could meet with. Have a recovery gameplan.

Be calm, don't yell or scream. Allow him to talk, even if you don't agree with what he is saying. Don't accuse - don't make him defend himself. Remember to separate him from the disease.



Alcoholism is a disease. If he does decide to stop drinking, it will be hard. However, you sound very supportive and concerned - with the help of you and your family, I'm sure your father will change his ways. I wish your family and your father the best of luck!Alcoholic father, how to deal?
I highly suggest you and your mother/siblings all go attend an AlaNon meeting.
Katie



There is nothing you can do to stop him from drinking so much, in fact, the more you try to do it will simply upset him and give him reason to drink. Alcoholism is a disease. It is a disease that hurts the drinker and everyone around him or her. Unfortunately kids are stuck in the position because they don't necessarily have a way out. You can change the way you think about it, and that is the best you can do for you and for your dad.



Think of it this way, your dad has a disease, would you hate your dad if he had the disease of cancer, or diabetes? I don't think so, so always keep in mind that it is the disease acting out, not your dad. Don't take on his embarrassment, he is embarrassing himself. Also remember that you did not cause this disease, you can not control this and you can not cure it. You can only change yourself and the way you look at it and deal with it.



It may be helpful to pray for him, to pray for yourself and for your family. All prayers are always answered, we may not like the answers we get but they are always answered.



There are many resources out there for kids in your position. Try finding an Ala teen group in your area, being with kids that are going through the same things you are will help you. This will give you an opportunity to talk about how you feel. You can get support in knowing that this is not your fault, you did nothing wrong, and you deserve to be treated with respect. Many kids that do not get support for this, especially girls tend to fall into unhealthy relationships later in life. Don't let this happen to you, you are worthy, you are deserving of a very happy life. Please do get some help with how you are feeling while you are young, rather than go through life feeling less than others.



Sending you blessings for peace.

Jenn