There are two options. One, he's you're brother. However he has no right to say all of those things to you and your middle brother. I'm the oldest as well and I know how terrible you feel because my sister was kind of the same with fighting in school. She's only 10! And she was a rebel. She was born and you know how little kids hit people when they are young? She did that and no one stopped her. Even though we are not a family of violence. One day I just slapped her and she was shocked because she's the baby of the family. I told her to get her act together otherwise I would send her to a private school abroad. I'm definitely not telling you to slap your brother. But he's an adult. Most of the time, people will not stop asking if you keep on giving. He knows your weakness and will use it trust me. A shimmer of reality can really set a person straight sometimes. But not a guarantee.
Another thing you can do is send him to rehab. It might cost some money, but I think if it will help him become a better person, that's what you need to do. Over there they will provide him with care and no alcohol allowed. Ask for a day and night rehab or something that provides housing as well. If he's doing something illegal, turn him in and let him spend a few nights/months in jail. Talk to him one on one. Why not you and your middle brother take him to a therapist that will talk to all three of you together? I think that will be a nice possible option.
You and your middle brother love your baby brother. However, he's not a priority because he's 42. I know how you feel being the eldest because I'm the eldest as well.
If you need a talk to, you can just send me a message and I'll gladly answer you without you having a fear of being judged or wrongly advised. sfh_xoxo@yahoo.com
Hope everything works out with you all!
*CheerZ*How to deal with a unemployed, broke, alcoholic brother?
First, paragraphs are your friend. It's extremely difficult to read a wall of text such as that. To answer your question, there's only so much you can do. You can't force him to get help. Also, if he wanted to commit suicide, he would have done it already.
No you are not being hard your brother needs to learn to fend for himself at 42 he should have the skills to do so. I suggest you write to your brother and tell him that much as you love and care for him you are unable to help him out any more and that he needs to take responsibility for his life as it is HIS not anyone else. And he needs to sort it out stay of the drugs and alcohol and if he stays clean and sorts himself out and then you may reconsider letting him back in to your life again. Sorry it is a case of tough love, Give him some advice that may help him get back on the right tracks, ie detox courses A A groups
WOW TRY TO GET EM' SOME HELP BECAUSE THATS A SERIOUS THING. AND ALSO TRY TO SHOW HIM LOTS OF LOVE TOO.
You have the right attitude. He's been a moocher and ';victim'; thanks to your parents who didn't have the heart to kick him out of the next. Sometimes the best thing for love is distance. Don't have anything more to do with him until he straightens up. Let him know that.These people are expert at wheedling things out of others and will use any means necessary to get their way. You certainly can't have him disrupting and messing up your family life. Your brother is lucky the younger brother didn't take him up on his offer. Isn't it funny how those who have nothing can be so picky and selective? This guy is one of those ';King of the Road'; types who will never believe that his problems are caused by himself.
You've done what you could. Turn your back and don't be an enabler. Encourage your other brother to do the same. Show a united front; maybe that's what it will take for him to straighten himself up.
Not real sure why you have asked this question for you already have the facts and correct answers. Unless you just need some reassurance and to vent, which is fine with me.
Your baby brother is an addict and addicts lie, use, cheat, steal and manipulate there ways through life. They will take any body down with them and not think twice about it. When they don't get their way naturally they behave badly, which is just anther tactic to get what they want. I assure you if he pitched a fit and you gave in he would immediately turn calm again.
If I was in your shoes I would tell all the family to pitch in and send his butt to rehab rather than let him into their homes. I'd only offer that once as well.
Bravo for not enabling!
Best of wishes!
First off you are doing the right thing. No you should not give him money or a place to live without strict rules. Addicts always lie. Addicts are very resourceful. When you stop providing they are on to the next person they can use to meet their needs. They often will try to guilt jerk you for what they want, including threatening suicide. Until he chooses to go to rehab, there is very little that you can do accept stay strong. There are groups for family members of addicts Al-anon is a great one. It teaches family members how to live their life without the addict causing drama and getting everyone upset. Try a meeting or two, if you like them keep going. Sometimes it is nice to know you are not the only one that has to cope with a situation like this. Good luck!
send ur bro to aa and get a job in mcdonals or any other place lyk dat
The answer to this is simple. He has to hit bottom before he recognizes that anything is his fault and even then he may not recognize it. At his age he is practically a lost cause. He has been given chances upon chances and he blames everyone. So the simple answer is to tell him that if he wishes to try and become a productive person then the help is their for him from the family. However if he does not want to change or does not show he wants to change then cut him off completely. That means all brothers and cousins stop feeding his problems. Some people have to fail. He will either come to grips with the fact that everyone must work or he will be a bum the rest of his life. He is family and you love him but if he wishes to waste his life their is nothing you can do to stop him. But you can't do anything to help him either.
Think about it like this. You are not turning your back on him. You are putting your foot down. he is causing trouble in your family and you can't have that. Life is hard enough as it is. You also have to come to the realization that he just may be that way forever.
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