I'm wondering if any of you have encountered this or have had a similar issue. My Uncle has been an off and on drinker, he fought in Vietnam and never returned the same. He is cool when he's not drunk, but, once his repressed memories come about he goes in a binge of drinking. He is taking certain medications and stuff, but, I guess he's not taking it.
Me and my family have dealt with this several times, he'll stop for a while then go drinking again. We have helped him plenty of times, but, they say ';those can only help themselves'; still, the the thought of a loved one being out and about in a drunken state is something we all think about even when we try not to. My Uncle is in his 60's and can't be doing this, although I mean family can only do so much sometimes.
So, do any of you deal with this any success stories? Any way of helping people like this out? I mean, we've tried the ';shrink,'; medications, family interventions, even rehab. He was sober for 15 years, then as recently as 1 year he's been ';on and off'; drinking because of these repressed memories and other stuff that makes him feel bad.How do you deal with a post traumatic syndrome Uncle who is an alcoholic?
Take the focus off of him, or even the family, and place it on yourself. Vietnam was a long time ago. Your family has had plenty of time to pass from helping him out to a prolonged codependency cycle. I am guessing you grew up with it. You need to heal.
This detachment doesn't suggest going callous in regards to your uncle's pain. It means caring about yourself enough to heal and having the confidence that your uncle has the ability to make his own decisions.How do you deal with a post traumatic syndrome Uncle who is an alcoholic?
He's got to decide to change his life on his own since at this stage he probably already knows about the negative consequences of his drinking.
I would guess that he's reached the point where he just doesn't really care and there is nothing you guys can do about it unless you all can afford to physically institutionalize him for treatment.
We had an uncle like that and his son, my cousin, who is wealthy couldn't do anything to stop his dad from drinking no matter what he tried. This went on until they discovered my uncle had been dead in a house four days after a heart attack.
I do wish you guys well
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Losing patience with my (alcoholic) mom?
Ok, well.. I need some advice from those of you who grew up in alcoholic homes... How did you deal with your mother/father when they were drunk (also when they were'nt drunk) Because today I lost all the patience I had with my mom, and I need some tips/advice on how to get it back.
If you need some more info. for whatever reason, you can just ask =)
thanks everyone :)Losing patience with my (alcoholic) mom?
I agree with the second person, I think they have to want to stop. And I think that it could be a good idea for you to talk to your school counselor or something? I know you're not the one with the alcoholic problem but it affects everyone who is close to your mum and it could be good for you to just talk to someone unrelated to the problem, and let out how you're feeling? Then you might be in a better position to deal with your mum 'cause you wont be so frustrated from having everything built up inside you.
I can imagine it must be a really hard situation to be in, I hope it gets better. Keep smiling hun :-)Losing patience with my (alcoholic) mom?
I may not have grown up in an alcoholic home, but i had a very bad alcoholic ex-husband.
They need to want to stop drinking. Thay have to want to get help on there own. I was once told that he would actually have to hit rock bottom , meaning lose everything even his family before he might realize that his problem was as bad as it was. I feel for you. I am saddened for you. and if ya ever need to talk, send me an email.
There are groups out there like Al-Anon and others that are geared towards the family members of alcoholics. You really should check it out. You don't mention your age, but if you're in school you can ask your guidance counselors about resources.
Get on top of it now because it won't get better on its own. God bless
I didn't grow up in an alcoholic home, but my mom did. Her dad (my grandpa) was an alcoholic. My mom went through some pretty hard stuff because of his problem. They had to deal with things like him showing up to parties drunk. One day, my grandma threatened to leave him, and that's when he in rolled into an A.A. program. You should talk to a responsible adult about this. Best of wishes!
My mom has been an alcoholic my whole life. I'm 14 years old and have been emotionally and physically abused in the past. I am older and tougher now so my mom knows not to mess with me and if she does she knows I can defend myself quite well. Whatever you do, do not talk to counselors at your school. This has made problems way worse for me in the past. I have been to court over 10 times with my dad's assistance with trying to get my mom into rehab. It has never worked. Also, at one time I had been abused by my mom so much that I called my dad (my parents are divorced) and told him to call the police (it was a special number given to us by Child Protection Services). When the police arrived, they interviewed both me and my mom. I had cuts and bruises all over me from what she did but she lied to them and said I had psychological issues. They ended up handcuffing my and taking me to a mental hospital to be psychologically evaluated (they found nothing was wrong with me). I am still angry at her because of this because it will always be on my record. I'm not sure how old you are, but I would suggest you deal with it as much as possible. I have been in situations when my mom is drunk and she gets mad at me over something really stupid and dumb and will not let me do certain things. It's really tough to deal with sometimes. Just take responsibility for yourself as much as possible. Try to avoid your mom. Im sure she loves you (and you probably love her), but she doesnt deserve you right now. When you are 18, hopefully you will be able to move out and wont be forced to deal with her unless you feel like it. Good luck!
deal with it.
If you need some more info. for whatever reason, you can just ask =)
thanks everyone :)Losing patience with my (alcoholic) mom?
I agree with the second person, I think they have to want to stop. And I think that it could be a good idea for you to talk to your school counselor or something? I know you're not the one with the alcoholic problem but it affects everyone who is close to your mum and it could be good for you to just talk to someone unrelated to the problem, and let out how you're feeling? Then you might be in a better position to deal with your mum 'cause you wont be so frustrated from having everything built up inside you.
I can imagine it must be a really hard situation to be in, I hope it gets better. Keep smiling hun :-)Losing patience with my (alcoholic) mom?
I may not have grown up in an alcoholic home, but i had a very bad alcoholic ex-husband.
They need to want to stop drinking. Thay have to want to get help on there own. I was once told that he would actually have to hit rock bottom , meaning lose everything even his family before he might realize that his problem was as bad as it was. I feel for you. I am saddened for you. and if ya ever need to talk, send me an email.
There are groups out there like Al-Anon and others that are geared towards the family members of alcoholics. You really should check it out. You don't mention your age, but if you're in school you can ask your guidance counselors about resources.
Get on top of it now because it won't get better on its own. God bless
I didn't grow up in an alcoholic home, but my mom did. Her dad (my grandpa) was an alcoholic. My mom went through some pretty hard stuff because of his problem. They had to deal with things like him showing up to parties drunk. One day, my grandma threatened to leave him, and that's when he in rolled into an A.A. program. You should talk to a responsible adult about this. Best of wishes!
My mom has been an alcoholic my whole life. I'm 14 years old and have been emotionally and physically abused in the past. I am older and tougher now so my mom knows not to mess with me and if she does she knows I can defend myself quite well. Whatever you do, do not talk to counselors at your school. This has made problems way worse for me in the past. I have been to court over 10 times with my dad's assistance with trying to get my mom into rehab. It has never worked. Also, at one time I had been abused by my mom so much that I called my dad (my parents are divorced) and told him to call the police (it was a special number given to us by Child Protection Services). When the police arrived, they interviewed both me and my mom. I had cuts and bruises all over me from what she did but she lied to them and said I had psychological issues. They ended up handcuffing my and taking me to a mental hospital to be psychologically evaluated (they found nothing was wrong with me). I am still angry at her because of this because it will always be on my record. I'm not sure how old you are, but I would suggest you deal with it as much as possible. I have been in situations when my mom is drunk and she gets mad at me over something really stupid and dumb and will not let me do certain things. It's really tough to deal with sometimes. Just take responsibility for yourself as much as possible. Try to avoid your mom. Im sure she loves you (and you probably love her), but she doesnt deserve you right now. When you are 18, hopefully you will be able to move out and wont be forced to deal with her unless you feel like it. Good luck!
deal with it.
How do you deal with a spouse who has an eating disorder?
My husband has an eating disorder. He over eats. He doesn't make himself barf or anything like that. He complains that he is 315+ pounds but sits in front of the computer all day and eats and games. I have talked to him about this and other matters. I know he's depressed. I know he has issues. I have tried to talk to him, I have to hide some goodies from him, although I mostly buy healthy foods, i do on occassion buy goodies.
How can I deal with this? It's not like he's an alcoholic and he can stop and keep living. We all need food to live... but he can't control himself.
He doesn't eat a lot in front of others and tells people he doesn't eat a lot, but when we all go to bed and he's gaming until 3am, he'll eat a whole package of cookies or twinkies or something, if he finds it all. Even a whole package of crackers if he can't find the sweets.
I don't know what to do for him anymore. It's not like he's a kid and I can control his portions etc, he's in his 30s!!!!How do you deal with a spouse who has an eating disorder?
Unfortunately, there's not much you can do until he decides he has a problem and wants to change.How do you deal with a spouse who has an eating disorder?
Talk to him more-- have more quality time with him. Join a gym or just exercise outside with him. It's not for appearances-- it's for his health the rest of his life. Talk it out with him-- explain that one of the reasons you got married is because you can grow that way in love and encouragement. Tell him that he is beautiful to you, and that nothing will ever change that. Explain to him that you are worried about his health risks. People with eating disorders oftimes just need to be held and reassured. Good luck!
How can I deal with this? It's not like he's an alcoholic and he can stop and keep living. We all need food to live... but he can't control himself.
He doesn't eat a lot in front of others and tells people he doesn't eat a lot, but when we all go to bed and he's gaming until 3am, he'll eat a whole package of cookies or twinkies or something, if he finds it all. Even a whole package of crackers if he can't find the sweets.
I don't know what to do for him anymore. It's not like he's a kid and I can control his portions etc, he's in his 30s!!!!How do you deal with a spouse who has an eating disorder?
Unfortunately, there's not much you can do until he decides he has a problem and wants to change.How do you deal with a spouse who has an eating disorder?
Talk to him more-- have more quality time with him. Join a gym or just exercise outside with him. It's not for appearances-- it's for his health the rest of his life. Talk it out with him-- explain that one of the reasons you got married is because you can grow that way in love and encouragement. Tell him that he is beautiful to you, and that nothing will ever change that. Explain to him that you are worried about his health risks. People with eating disorders oftimes just need to be held and reassured. Good luck!
For recovered alcoholics or others who dealt with addiction?
how did you relearn how to do everything without alcohol? for instance one thing im really having trouble with is i only had sex while drunk, minus one boyfriend who was horrible so even further ruined sober sex for me, and even though im confident while drunk and know what im doing and how to have a good time, im so nervous to have sex while sober, i almost feel like its going to be my first time again and i have a lot of anxiety about it, how do i get over this?For recovered alcoholics or others who dealt with addiction?
I've been sober for a long time now. I really do understand what you are saying. I am male however. It really is like being a virgin all over again. I was luck to find a lady that was really turned on by that. We played together for a year or more.
I do have a suggestion for you however. Attend AA, and talk with other lady's there, they either are going through the same or have been through it. In general the policy is that women talk with women, and men talk with men about sexual matters.
In any case congratulations on your sobriety. All my best to you.For recovered alcoholics or others who dealt with addiction?
you have to keep in mind that you probably drank to get away from your feelings. so in general when you learn how to handle your feelings without alcohol your natural self will come through and the same applies to sex.
Ive been recovered for almost 15 yrs, thank God, and some things take time. Don't despair, it will fall into place like other things, and you will find a joy in remembering doing things rather than wondering if you had a good time or if you even did anything. Like they say in certain places-- time takes time. I am a very content man for the most part even though I still make mistakes, but the mistakes I make are no longer life-threatening to me or others.Take care and be well.
I've been sober for a long time now. I really do understand what you are saying. I am male however. It really is like being a virgin all over again. I was luck to find a lady that was really turned on by that. We played together for a year or more.
I do have a suggestion for you however. Attend AA, and talk with other lady's there, they either are going through the same or have been through it. In general the policy is that women talk with women, and men talk with men about sexual matters.
In any case congratulations on your sobriety. All my best to you.For recovered alcoholics or others who dealt with addiction?
you have to keep in mind that you probably drank to get away from your feelings. so in general when you learn how to handle your feelings without alcohol your natural self will come through and the same applies to sex.
Ive been recovered for almost 15 yrs, thank God, and some things take time. Don't despair, it will fall into place like other things, and you will find a joy in remembering doing things rather than wondering if you had a good time or if you even did anything. Like they say in certain places-- time takes time. I am a very content man for the most part even though I still make mistakes, but the mistakes I make are no longer life-threatening to me or others.Take care and be well.
How could i deal with my dad he's an alcoholic?
My dad drinks since i was 3 yrs. old now i'm 24 and i'm married with two kids. i live with my husband and kids with my mom and dad, but there are a lot of problems with my dad because of his drinking he doesn't get along with my husband he yells alot to my mom and puts her down always this man needs to be away but i feel sorry for him because he does'nt have no body else he also lost his job because of his drinking. Can somebody tell me what to do in this situation????(please i really need advice)How could i deal with my dad he's an alcoholic?
1. its time you and your husband with kids get your own place
2. You can tell him if he doesnt change his ways...your ALL gone (including mom) and hopefully that lil threat will help
3. rehab maybe? or dont let him get outa the house to buy drinksHow could i deal with my dad he's an alcoholic?
Tell him he needs to cleans up his act and until that happens, you're not going to put up with his **** either.
your dad Chooses to drink, he's an alcoholic... my mom was
i moved away and till she got sober, she wasnt in my kids-- or my life
you need to try that too
Honestly there is nothing you can do for him. He has to want to help himself. The best thing you can do is get yourself, your husband and kids out of there. You don't want your kids growing up around an alcoholic like you did, do you?
you guys need to be hard on him i know it sounds mean but someone like that needs to be taken down of his thoughts that he can do anything he wants like your mom for example she needs to stand up to him and let him know she doesn't need his crap (even if she does) and you well just support your mom and pay less attention to him try to be separate and hard on him and once he sees he's been rejected he'll work for a chance and please do take my advice cause ti works.... it happened to us and well yeah now everything is better than before....web page host
1. its time you and your husband with kids get your own place
2. You can tell him if he doesnt change his ways...your ALL gone (including mom) and hopefully that lil threat will help
3. rehab maybe? or dont let him get outa the house to buy drinksHow could i deal with my dad he's an alcoholic?
Tell him he needs to cleans up his act and until that happens, you're not going to put up with his **** either.
your dad Chooses to drink, he's an alcoholic... my mom was
i moved away and till she got sober, she wasnt in my kids-- or my life
you need to try that too
Honestly there is nothing you can do for him. He has to want to help himself. The best thing you can do is get yourself, your husband and kids out of there. You don't want your kids growing up around an alcoholic like you did, do you?
you guys need to be hard on him i know it sounds mean but someone like that needs to be taken down of his thoughts that he can do anything he wants like your mom for example she needs to stand up to him and let him know she doesn't need his crap (even if she does) and you well just support your mom and pay less attention to him try to be separate and hard on him and once he sees he's been rejected he'll work for a chance and please do take my advice cause ti works.... it happened to us and well yeah now everything is better than before....
How could i deal with my dad he's an alcoholic?
My dad drinks since i was 3 yrs. old now i'm 24 and i'm married with two kids. i live with my husband and kids with my mom and dad, but there are a lot of problems with my dad because of his drinking he doesn't get along with my husband he yells alot to my mom and puts her down always this man needs to be away but i feel sorry for him because he does'nt have no body else he also lost his job because of his drinking. Can somebody tell me what to do in this situation????(please i really need advice)How could i deal with my dad he's an alcoholic?
1. its time you and your husband with kids get your own place
2. You can tell him if he doesnt change his ways...your ALL gone (including mom) and hopefully that lil threat will help
3. rehab maybe? or dont let him get outa the house to buy drinksHow could i deal with my dad he's an alcoholic?
Tell him he needs to cleans up his act and until that happens, you're not going to put up with his **** either.
your dad Chooses to drink, he's an alcoholic... my mom was
i moved away and till she got sober, she wasnt in my kids-- or my life
you need to try that too
Honestly there is nothing you can do for him. He has to want to help himself. The best thing you can do is get yourself, your husband and kids out of there. You don't want your kids growing up around an alcoholic like you did, do you?
you guys need to be hard on him i know it sounds mean but someone like that needs to be taken down of his thoughts that he can do anything he wants like your mom for example she needs to stand up to him and let him know she doesn't need his crap (even if she does) and you well just support your mom and pay less attention to him try to be separate and hard on him and once he sees he's been rejected he'll work for a chance and please do take my advice cause ti works.... it happened to us and well yeah now everything is better than before....
1. its time you and your husband with kids get your own place
2. You can tell him if he doesnt change his ways...your ALL gone (including mom) and hopefully that lil threat will help
3. rehab maybe? or dont let him get outa the house to buy drinksHow could i deal with my dad he's an alcoholic?
Tell him he needs to cleans up his act and until that happens, you're not going to put up with his **** either.
your dad Chooses to drink, he's an alcoholic... my mom was
i moved away and till she got sober, she wasnt in my kids-- or my life
you need to try that too
Honestly there is nothing you can do for him. He has to want to help himself. The best thing you can do is get yourself, your husband and kids out of there. You don't want your kids growing up around an alcoholic like you did, do you?
you guys need to be hard on him i know it sounds mean but someone like that needs to be taken down of his thoughts that he can do anything he wants like your mom for example she needs to stand up to him and let him know she doesn't need his crap (even if she does) and you well just support your mom and pay less attention to him try to be separate and hard on him and once he sees he's been rejected he'll work for a chance and please do take my advice cause ti works.... it happened to us and well yeah now everything is better than before....
Thought my wife had cheated, but she told me she was abused, but was really raped!?
I found out my wife cheated one me twice I know of. Once was near the time our (alleged) daughter was concieved and once after we were married. We have been married for just over a year and now this is all coming out because I had to snoop through her e-mails. I was all ready to leave her, but if she was really raped what should I do. I told her I didn't understand how she could even be around him again and she said he apologized, but WTF? She has other issues she has never dealt with eg. alcoholic father and being sexually abused by uncle as a child which she has yet to tell her family about. I am so confused right now. There are other things too, but these are the most major. Should I stay or just move onn and find a more with my life. The paternity test is still pending but she does look just like me so....??????? What should I do next? I still don't see myself trusting her and when I know something is wrong and ask her, she just says she needs time to think about it and never says.Thought my wife had cheated, but she told me she was abused, but was really raped!?
I was raped at 15 and I told noone, u kinda feel ashamed and just don't wanna tell people...to this day my family still doesn't know but my hubby does, I choose not to tell my family cuz it was so long ago whats the point now ( I'm 31 now). Basically for u its all about trust...
u know ur wife think back from when it possibly happened did u notice her at any time feeling distant from people, quiet, a lil jumpy when some1 touched her, emotional, losing weight or gaining weight... thats a couple things that happened w/ me afterwards, not saying every1 is like me but majority of people that are raped feel that way, so thats just something to think about...I never saw that man again and I thank god I never saw him!!
Good luck and I hope u figure out the truth cuz being raped sucks and if ur wife is lieing shame on her!!Thought my wife had cheated, but she told me she was abused, but was really raped!?
you shouldn't trust her a person isn't going to admit that they cheated on the other... and once a cheater always a cheater but since you have a kid i wouldn't really make a huge fuss about it
Sounds very convenient to me. Twice? If you cant deal with the terrain, don't go down that road.
you have a right not to trust her.. shes betrade you. you have to decide if she worth trying over again. she needs to be an open book and let you check on her anytime anywhere. just till you feel you can trust her again..if shes not willing to do that you might have to move on. good luck
I'm sorry- but I don't believe that a woman would see a man again who has raped her. Bottom line. I think she has alot of problems, and I don't think she can be trusted.
Your going to stay with her. No doubt about it. If you havent left her yet you probably wont learn your lesson for a really long time. If I were you Id run as fast and as far away from her as I could.
IF all that she says is true, she's needs counseling and lot's of it. If you have a child together, it's in the child's best interest to have 2 healthy parents. You must love her, else you wouldn't have married her to begin with. Not everyone is free of baggage, maybe she just needs someone to trust. Now that you guys have this bond-the child-she may be feeling like she can be bit more vulnerable with you and will open up. You really should encourage her to seek some outside help whether you stay together or not. This is going to be a very, very long journey...are you up for it?
Whatever you do, do not fault the child for the mother's issues.
My opinion is you should get out. Stay close so that way you can still be in the childs life and wait for the paternity test. Once it is declared that the child is yours you should seek legal help and get full custody of that child. If you don't who knows what issues that child will have growing up. Your wife has too many issues that need to be dealt out by her and only her. She sounds in denial right now and when someone is in denial then they think they are right and no one else is. Once a cheater always a cheater. I live by that motto because if your significant other didn't have enough respect for you to tell you she was unhappy then who knows what else she'll do. I do not know if she is lying and I am not saying she is but I used to have a friend that used to lie to her mother all the time about how she was raped by her step-father. I knew for a fact that it was a lie but she lied anyways to get what she wanted. So trust your instinct and trust yourself.
Good luck
This one is a box of rocks.
The only thing better that having no women is having a GOOD one. You don't have one and she never will be. Understand?
Hopefully this kid is not yours, real men must never have realtions with a tramp and your story is the reason why.
I was raped at 15 and I told noone, u kinda feel ashamed and just don't wanna tell people...to this day my family still doesn't know but my hubby does, I choose not to tell my family cuz it was so long ago whats the point now ( I'm 31 now). Basically for u its all about trust...
u know ur wife think back from when it possibly happened did u notice her at any time feeling distant from people, quiet, a lil jumpy when some1 touched her, emotional, losing weight or gaining weight... thats a couple things that happened w/ me afterwards, not saying every1 is like me but majority of people that are raped feel that way, so thats just something to think about...I never saw that man again and I thank god I never saw him!!
Good luck and I hope u figure out the truth cuz being raped sucks and if ur wife is lieing shame on her!!Thought my wife had cheated, but she told me she was abused, but was really raped!?
you shouldn't trust her a person isn't going to admit that they cheated on the other... and once a cheater always a cheater but since you have a kid i wouldn't really make a huge fuss about it
Sounds very convenient to me. Twice? If you cant deal with the terrain, don't go down that road.
you have a right not to trust her.. shes betrade you. you have to decide if she worth trying over again. she needs to be an open book and let you check on her anytime anywhere. just till you feel you can trust her again..if shes not willing to do that you might have to move on. good luck
I'm sorry- but I don't believe that a woman would see a man again who has raped her. Bottom line. I think she has alot of problems, and I don't think she can be trusted.
Your going to stay with her. No doubt about it. If you havent left her yet you probably wont learn your lesson for a really long time. If I were you Id run as fast and as far away from her as I could.
IF all that she says is true, she's needs counseling and lot's of it. If you have a child together, it's in the child's best interest to have 2 healthy parents. You must love her, else you wouldn't have married her to begin with. Not everyone is free of baggage, maybe she just needs someone to trust. Now that you guys have this bond-the child-she may be feeling like she can be bit more vulnerable with you and will open up. You really should encourage her to seek some outside help whether you stay together or not. This is going to be a very, very long journey...are you up for it?
Whatever you do, do not fault the child for the mother's issues.
My opinion is you should get out. Stay close so that way you can still be in the childs life and wait for the paternity test. Once it is declared that the child is yours you should seek legal help and get full custody of that child. If you don't who knows what issues that child will have growing up. Your wife has too many issues that need to be dealt out by her and only her. She sounds in denial right now and when someone is in denial then they think they are right and no one else is. Once a cheater always a cheater. I live by that motto because if your significant other didn't have enough respect for you to tell you she was unhappy then who knows what else she'll do. I do not know if she is lying and I am not saying she is but I used to have a friend that used to lie to her mother all the time about how she was raped by her step-father. I knew for a fact that it was a lie but she lied anyways to get what she wanted. So trust your instinct and trust yourself.
Good luck
This one is a box of rocks.
The only thing better that having no women is having a GOOD one. You don't have one and she never will be. Understand?
Hopefully this kid is not yours, real men must never have realtions with a tramp and your story is the reason why.
How likely am I to get accepted to a Univ with my AA degree and 2.83 GPA?
I completed my degree in 3 years and a summers worth of classes, fall of 08 i dropped out of college. I was taking three classes and I could not get a withdrawal so i got 3 F's, brought my GPA to a 1.9. that spring I re enrolled and took 3 classes, this summer i took four more completing my AA. I brought my GPA up to a 2.83 by retaking the classes i had failed and getting 2 A's 2 B+ 2 B and a C+. I had a rough time in the beginning of college working full time dealing with an alcoholic mother, moving out and living with my bf and his alcoholic parents, then dealing with my bf's drug addictions, so my personal essay could be quite long. So before I write my essay and start applying I need some advice as to what I should do. I don't know anyone who can help but my advisers, and even then I am so shy.lol.How likely am I to get accepted to a Univ with my AA degree and 2.83 GPA?
Most colleges want to see a B average, which would be a 3.0 for acceptance (unless you are an athlete). But, you are close, so you can always apply to smaller schools and see what happens. Good luck!How likely am I to get accepted to a Univ with my AA degree and 2.83 GPA?
Go on line to four year colleges you want to apply to and see what the requirements are for a transfer student.
don't think you need to write an essay.
that you re took the classes you failed was the smart thing to do. With a 2.8 you should be able to get into most state colleges.
very unlikely unless its community college try getting a higher gpa n studying more
Most colleges want to see a B average, which would be a 3.0 for acceptance (unless you are an athlete). But, you are close, so you can always apply to smaller schools and see what happens. Good luck!How likely am I to get accepted to a Univ with my AA degree and 2.83 GPA?
Go on line to four year colleges you want to apply to and see what the requirements are for a transfer student.
don't think you need to write an essay.
that you re took the classes you failed was the smart thing to do. With a 2.8 you should be able to get into most state colleges.
very unlikely unless its community college try getting a higher gpa n studying more
HELP! I hate my husband's friends!?
He wants to spend nearly every Sunday to watch ballgames etc with them but rarely takes me anywhere (we have no kids). These 2 jerks deal drugs, are alcoholics and also sell stolen goods. I know I can't pick his friends and have been careful with my words as I have a feeling the more I say the more he will run to them. I've even thought of anonomously calling the police on them but he'd figure out it was me and they'd get out sooner or later anyway. What does he have in common with them? He likes some of the 'stuff' they sell!
How do I get him to ditch these losers!!??HELP! I hate my husband's friends!?
It's ultimatum time. Tell him it's your friends or me. He needs to choose because he can't have both.HELP! I hate my husband's friends!?
It's time for him to grow up. He is married now and should consider what could happen if he was caught with them. Tell him it's them or you.
Ditch your husband, tell him you have no room in your life for losers.
a man should never EVER have to choose between his significant other and his friends and the same goes for a woman. when you meet that person, you know the deal. if you do not like the people he associates with then you have the right to let him know but you do not have the right to give him an ultimatum. i suppose you could but more than likely your the one who is going to be the sorry person in the relationship.
it is extremely unfortunate, the circumstances surrounding who these people are, but nevertheless, this shouldve been tackled before you said ';I DO';...if this was such a huge issue, it was something that needed to come to the forefront before you decided to spend the rest of your life with him through good times and in bad, even if the bad is dealing with his friends. you decided ultimately to associate with them before you were married so its difficult to change your mind now. not trying to be rude but its just the unfortunate reality of the situation you are in...good luck with whatever you choose to do!
Time for husband to man-up, friends or me (wifey) you choose! There's a saying I heard once, it goes ';Tell me who your friends are %26amp; I'll tell you what type of person you are';.
yeah I agree ! Get rid of those losers! I just was very firm and said I wont take care of any other guys and I dont want them in the house.Im not serving beer to them .Go ahead make my day! Ill hit the road jack!
Give him the ultimatum!! Them, or you!!
you need to keep that crap out of your house you could go to jail for having it there
Did he have these friends before you met him and before you got married? Did he spend nearly ever Sunday with them before you got married? If so did you expect him to change once you got married?
Women always expect men to change after marriage and men never expect to have to change. This is one big reason marriages always fail, a mismatch of expectations.
If all this stuff you are complaining about went on before the marriage, then you have a weak case. You are going to have to tell him straight up to pick between you his wife and these loosers. If he picks them, then you learned a valuable lesson.
If he just started doing this stuff after the marriage, then he is the looser and you tell him to stop or you are leaving him.
Okay, let's suppose they are dealign drugs and he gets caught with them. Guess what, the cops are going to take all his stuff too, if they think it was bought with drug money, maybe even your stuff and your house. You are living a dangerous life, fix it or get out.
Try by honoring and respecting him.
if you want to be with him you have to accept the fact that these are his friends, the only way he will learn is on his own. hopefully he won't get busted when his friends do. If you make him choose will you lose???
You are talking about criminals here, not just a one time ofender type of deal.......I think your hubby may have more in common with them than you think......you need to explain to him that they need to go......period. You can get in a whole lot of trouble knowing all this and can also go to jail for it....so can your husband.....this is not good.....I know it is easier said than done but I think is time to tell hubby its me or them...good luck....JMO
well, drinking alchohol, watching ballgames and dealing drugs? isn't it enough in common? i wonder what does he have in common with u?
This is not going to work. He's not going to stop and you cannot continue to live like that. Maybe try moving out for awhile. If he truly loves you and wants to continue building a life with you, he will get his priorities straight and do what is right. If you tell him you are leaving unless cleans up his act he won't believe you. He needs to see some action on your part.
Good luck, Honey! Do what is right for you and don't sacrifice any more of your precious time on someone who doesn't care about your happiness, safety, and well being.
...he's getting ';something'; from them he doesn't get from you that is more thriling, exciting or something... it's the ';pay off'; in his life... you can't change him but you can change you... make it more wonderful to be with you then the guys... if you can't... learn to love the guys too or...get on wth you life...
(sorry but that's the way it is with some men)........
just call the cops on them...then tell him u arent busting his butt out of jail until he says good bye to his friends. or just get him some counsling.
If you turned in his buddies just because you obviously dont offer him enough to keep himi satisfied, then I hope they come after you when they get out. What they do (or what you think they do) is none of your business. Your man chooses them over you, becuz you must not offer what he wants. He must like their ';stuff'; more than your ';stuff'; or don't you think he would be around more?
Are you talking about your husband or your child?
He is an adult - he can make his own choices! AND, so can you!!! Chances are if he is hanging out with these guys he has things in common with them! HELLO!!
You could try talking to him respectfully and telling him your concerns, but you cannot control what he does! If he isn't willing to try to understand your concerns, then you need to make a choice! Either you can live with it or you can't, and if you can't then you move on! Trust me, if you try to change him, you will find yourself still dealing with the same issues 10 - 15 years from now.
You can't get him to ditch these guys! You need to tell him that you love him and that you are concerned about him! That ';guilty by association'; thing might just bite him in the butt if he doesn't get smart! Tell him how you feel, and then explain to him that you have to make good choices for your life! If he want to continue hanging with these guys, let him - just don't allow yourself to be dragged down with them!!!
I am sorry to hear this. It is tough on you and it will really make you go to unpleasant places.
Unfortunately, you are married.
It would be so much easier if he were just a boyfriend.
Still....he sounds immature. I think you are right.
And I don't think he will dump his friends...SORRY.
You will have to make a decision.....He won't.
How do I get him to ditch these losers!!??HELP! I hate my husband's friends!?
It's ultimatum time. Tell him it's your friends or me. He needs to choose because he can't have both.HELP! I hate my husband's friends!?
It's time for him to grow up. He is married now and should consider what could happen if he was caught with them. Tell him it's them or you.
Ditch your husband, tell him you have no room in your life for losers.
a man should never EVER have to choose between his significant other and his friends and the same goes for a woman. when you meet that person, you know the deal. if you do not like the people he associates with then you have the right to let him know but you do not have the right to give him an ultimatum. i suppose you could but more than likely your the one who is going to be the sorry person in the relationship.
it is extremely unfortunate, the circumstances surrounding who these people are, but nevertheless, this shouldve been tackled before you said ';I DO';...if this was such a huge issue, it was something that needed to come to the forefront before you decided to spend the rest of your life with him through good times and in bad, even if the bad is dealing with his friends. you decided ultimately to associate with them before you were married so its difficult to change your mind now. not trying to be rude but its just the unfortunate reality of the situation you are in...good luck with whatever you choose to do!
Time for husband to man-up, friends or me (wifey) you choose! There's a saying I heard once, it goes ';Tell me who your friends are %26amp; I'll tell you what type of person you are';.
yeah I agree ! Get rid of those losers! I just was very firm and said I wont take care of any other guys and I dont want them in the house.Im not serving beer to them .Go ahead make my day! Ill hit the road jack!
Give him the ultimatum!! Them, or you!!
you need to keep that crap out of your house you could go to jail for having it there
Did he have these friends before you met him and before you got married? Did he spend nearly ever Sunday with them before you got married? If so did you expect him to change once you got married?
Women always expect men to change after marriage and men never expect to have to change. This is one big reason marriages always fail, a mismatch of expectations.
If all this stuff you are complaining about went on before the marriage, then you have a weak case. You are going to have to tell him straight up to pick between you his wife and these loosers. If he picks them, then you learned a valuable lesson.
If he just started doing this stuff after the marriage, then he is the looser and you tell him to stop or you are leaving him.
Okay, let's suppose they are dealign drugs and he gets caught with them. Guess what, the cops are going to take all his stuff too, if they think it was bought with drug money, maybe even your stuff and your house. You are living a dangerous life, fix it or get out.
Try by honoring and respecting him.
if you want to be with him you have to accept the fact that these are his friends, the only way he will learn is on his own. hopefully he won't get busted when his friends do. If you make him choose will you lose???
You are talking about criminals here, not just a one time ofender type of deal.......I think your hubby may have more in common with them than you think......you need to explain to him that they need to go......period. You can get in a whole lot of trouble knowing all this and can also go to jail for it....so can your husband.....this is not good.....I know it is easier said than done but I think is time to tell hubby its me or them...good luck....JMO
well, drinking alchohol, watching ballgames and dealing drugs? isn't it enough in common? i wonder what does he have in common with u?
This is not going to work. He's not going to stop and you cannot continue to live like that. Maybe try moving out for awhile. If he truly loves you and wants to continue building a life with you, he will get his priorities straight and do what is right. If you tell him you are leaving unless cleans up his act he won't believe you. He needs to see some action on your part.
Good luck, Honey! Do what is right for you and don't sacrifice any more of your precious time on someone who doesn't care about your happiness, safety, and well being.
...he's getting ';something'; from them he doesn't get from you that is more thriling, exciting or something... it's the ';pay off'; in his life... you can't change him but you can change you... make it more wonderful to be with you then the guys... if you can't... learn to love the guys too or...get on wth you life...
(sorry but that's the way it is with some men)........
just call the cops on them...then tell him u arent busting his butt out of jail until he says good bye to his friends. or just get him some counsling.
If you turned in his buddies just because you obviously dont offer him enough to keep himi satisfied, then I hope they come after you when they get out. What they do (or what you think they do) is none of your business. Your man chooses them over you, becuz you must not offer what he wants. He must like their ';stuff'; more than your ';stuff'; or don't you think he would be around more?
Are you talking about your husband or your child?
He is an adult - he can make his own choices! AND, so can you!!! Chances are if he is hanging out with these guys he has things in common with them! HELLO!!
You could try talking to him respectfully and telling him your concerns, but you cannot control what he does! If he isn't willing to try to understand your concerns, then you need to make a choice! Either you can live with it or you can't, and if you can't then you move on! Trust me, if you try to change him, you will find yourself still dealing with the same issues 10 - 15 years from now.
You can't get him to ditch these guys! You need to tell him that you love him and that you are concerned about him! That ';guilty by association'; thing might just bite him in the butt if he doesn't get smart! Tell him how you feel, and then explain to him that you have to make good choices for your life! If he want to continue hanging with these guys, let him - just don't allow yourself to be dragged down with them!!!
I am sorry to hear this. It is tough on you and it will really make you go to unpleasant places.
Unfortunately, you are married.
It would be so much easier if he were just a boyfriend.
Still....he sounds immature. I think you are right.
And I don't think he will dump his friends...SORRY.
You will have to make a decision.....He won't.
My farther is an alcoholic i need advice on how to deal with him and how to tell him he needs help x?
My farther is a very heavy drinker his main favorite is whiskey and coke but if he cant afford that anything will do. I really want advice on how to tell him he really needs help but i don't want to upset him so he doesn't talk to me again or something like that. I care about him very much but lately he is getting impossible to be around so i haven't been to visit with my kids for a while his mother died last week so he is even worse. He would even go as far as to steal money from his own family, When i lived with him if i went out and left any money hanging around it was guaranteed it would be gone when I got back as my dad would say finders keepers, because he would go around my room and find money he could steel for drink. Its not just me he has done it to hes all so done it to my brothers and auntie and his mom . In the past severn days he has spent æ‹¢98.00 on drink he drinks most days a big litre bottle of whiskey each day normally. He has been drinking heavy for the past 23 years. i would also like to no what are the affects it will have on his body if he carrie on this way. I no that he is all ways depressed when he is drunk says nasty things lies all the time generally not a nice person. I'm the only one that will actually say anything to him about his drinking im really worried about him he seems to be on a downward spiral and i don't think there's any coming back from this.My farther is an alcoholic i need advice on how to deal with him and how to tell him he needs help x?
It is very difficult for the family of an alcoholic to live with him and his drinkng (or her as the case may be) but he will not stop unless he humself decides to seek help. i am sure he is aware of the damage that alcohol can do to his body but at the moment he is in the grip of his addiction,
My best advice for you would be to join al-ateen a branch of AA which specifically supports the children of alcoholics. You will meet others in the same position as yourself and you will get support and advice from them.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/My farther is an alcoholic i need advice on how to deal with him and how to tell him he needs help x?
Do you have anything like Health and Human Services org in your country? Check around and ask if you don't know. Look up on the web and if you find anything like this, contact them and ask for their help. Also, is there an uncle or aunt or gran-parent that you could talk to about your Dad. How about a good friend of your Dad, in that way your Dad will nit become angry because his friend tells him he needs to get cured. Check around for various help from persons who can really help you and him. If he is put into a rehab facility, he will thank you when he comes out, as I am sure that he does not wish to continue living as he has. Is your mom still at the house with him? If so talk with her and she should have him put int rehab.
It is very difficult for the family of an alcoholic to live with him and his drinkng (or her as the case may be) but he will not stop unless he humself decides to seek help. i am sure he is aware of the damage that alcohol can do to his body but at the moment he is in the grip of his addiction,
My best advice for you would be to join al-ateen a branch of AA which specifically supports the children of alcoholics. You will meet others in the same position as yourself and you will get support and advice from them.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/My farther is an alcoholic i need advice on how to deal with him and how to tell him he needs help x?
Do you have anything like Health and Human Services org in your country? Check around and ask if you don't know. Look up on the web and if you find anything like this, contact them and ask for their help. Also, is there an uncle or aunt or gran-parent that you could talk to about your Dad. How about a good friend of your Dad, in that way your Dad will nit become angry because his friend tells him he needs to get cured. Check around for various help from persons who can really help you and him. If he is put into a rehab facility, he will thank you when he comes out, as I am sure that he does not wish to continue living as he has. Is your mom still at the house with him? If so talk with her and she should have him put int rehab.
My brother is an alcoholic. I don't know how to deal with it.?
My brother is almost 27 and hes been doing drugs and drinking since i was little and i have never really dealt with it. he's threatened to kill himself. i dont know how much longer i can do it. ive grown up in a hard home and i know how to deal with sober people but not drunks. me and my brother always end up gettin in physical fights rarely ever verbal ones and i dont know what to do anymore. please is there anyone that has gone thru what i have. it there anyone like me?My brother is an alcoholic. I don't know how to deal with it.?
Well don't talk to anyone that say's ';he will never change'; (playing God). Stay *very* far away from those kind of people because they will try to turn you into them instead of being supportive. You already know of his abuse of alcohol and addiction to drugs, and they can't and won't respect that knowledge. They are ';do nothing about everything'; people. Ya, well the root word of ignorance is *ignore*. There are also those who would like to see your brother ';hit bottom'; drama so they have a job or something to do/gossip about- possibly get him started on pots of coffee which will be another addiction he has to get over with the same withdrawl effect (hang over feeling/headaches). That is moreso where they are themselves at the bottom to be teaching to stop one addiction and start another..what's up with that? They are bored fixers who assume they know it all. You have to know a family background IN THE TRUTH to be loving and that is not going to come from a person who has a habit of being manipulative and crossing boundaries of other people left and right.
Live your life healthy - take care of your spirit. Let him see you doing so - and don't walk around on eggshells around him to the point of losing your boundaries to his manipulative behavior or when dealing with safety issues. But, don't have the attitude that you are trying to turn him into you and your personality. He will see healthy and possibly want healthy but accept that is up to him when it comes to health but becomes up to both of you if it involves your relationship with him. Remember that he is a person first before his habits: a person who is choosing not to take care himself by drinking and doing drugs who needs to choose to do differently if he wants some peace/health in his life. He is also a person who has feelings, hidden goals, and is being very lazy at expressing love...but it's in there. As for you tough love does not run away but sometimes needs a break ok? Your breaks CAN be pampering - everyone should have a positive activity of their own once in awhile anyways what ever their interest.
People who allow themselves to become addicted to drugs and alcohol are also addicted to being manipulative and are very controlling - they are perfectionists to the point of assuming everyone should just put up with nasty treatment from them and just accept negative behavior - grandiosity. You do not have to accept any negative behavior at someone's elses demand. You do that by setting boundaries. Those who abuse are well aware of anyone who encourages or makes excuses for unhealthy behavior because they say so. Ok, so set boundaries don't run and be healthy enough to not see him as your habit also...in other words, what you are use to - let that heal as well. My hubby had a lot of resistance to his stopping of the beer ';I don't like you anymore, you've changed';...I couldn't believe it. This doesn't apply to everyone so if I've jumped the gun please disregard. I'm only noting this because *some* related and not related to people who abuse their life and others get very mad when the person starts to heal or has healed. There are many people that respond childishly to those who are setting personal boundaries during their healing process. I also am very aware of this as I've had people try to forcefully tell me my loved one IS drinking when I knew he wasn't so they were choosing to add problems to my life on top of hubbies left-over behavior patterns. He was still dealing with negative behavior habits minus the beer and here comes those who are addicted to assumption (very nasty) instead of accepting and respecting that I was setting boundaries. I've seen it and I've learned there are more addictions out their than people drinking too much beer that's for sure. Learn to say ';it's none of your business'; ';that is false'; and ';ya, well there you go thinking again'; it took me a while to realize I don't have to hush around these people either. People who are addicted to assumption/drama are very controlling. They will be the first to call you a very controlling person if they see the abusing as being picked on. Children like drinkers (of course, they aren't consistant) and so these people respond like children who want to control and beat down those who know the difference between right from wrong. You have to take one step at a time right along with your loved one but have a life also. It requires some serious balance and it may be a bit more challanging for a wife but I don't know due to the fact it's a marriage but then brothers and sisters will always be too. My brother is surrounded by enablers right now...he doesn't NEED that on top of his other negative choices of abusing. I get how you feel. I knew him before as a child without abusing and I know my family. My step-mom needs a drinking partner and dictates my father to do bad things while she says she has nothing to do with it - on the flip my father is controlling because he wants to behave like a baby instead of a adult. The end result is that she has located her son right next door to her keeping him reliant on her need to drink/dictate. He has been told I'm dangerous...I'm sure I am to her and a man in his sixtys that wants to stay behaving like a juvenile deliquent. They have a history of luring rebellious teens as well while getting patted on the back by local government needs. So, *people* who encourage minors to steal and then some getting help from people who need crime and personal failures etc to continue so they get paid. These people tried to make me feel like I was nuts because I SAW what they were doing and spoke out against it.
~~~~~~Wife to a man who used to abuse beer many years ago coming from a very unhealthy family full of controlling enablers and people who do not respond well to truth - who cares. There are those that are codepent on a system who tries to use laws to hide their agenda of telling drinkers things that will keep them drinking and TALKING constantly about the negative. Ya well, today my hubby drinks a glass of wine on average occassion..not patterned. I did not save him I walked with him while he was saving himself - while still holding on to the difference betweeen what I would allow in my life and wouldn't allow. At times old patterns appear - I react the same w/boundaries and don't give a rip who says he's doing it because ';I let him'; - he's doing it because he's making bad choices in socializing period because they love to argue and procrastinate - in a marriage that includes two it's going right not wrong period it's going to get done. Too many assumers tell the non-abuser they do not exist and that the abuser has no love within them - WRONG.
I was not married to my husband when his drinking started and yet I've gone thru some serious rock throwing when I did not comply to stupid theories (secondary problems - thanks a lot ). I'm committed to my marriage...they will have to get over that I'm not their something to assume all over or to direct to emotionally or physically divorce. You may not be dealing with a marital relationship but you are blood related so if you have the strength use it but don't let yourself lose you.My brother is an alcoholic. I don't know how to deal with it.?
You need to go to Alanon. It is a group for families and friends of alcoholics. They will not tell what to do about your brother, but you will learn (by listening, sharing and reading) that there is a better life out there for you. Alcoholism brings a lot of insanity into our lives. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are millions of us who have been affected by someone else's drinking.
You did not cause it, you cannot control it and you cannot cure it. But you can find help for yourself whether he stops drinking or not. Please check it out.
Why dont you join a support groupl like Alocholics Anonymous.I am sure they have support groups for relatives of alcoholics.Even if you just sit in a meeting and meet these people would be good for you.
First off, you need to know that this is a decease, and it is hard for an alcoholic to stop until he knows why he is drinking. You fighting with him, only makes him think that his drinking is validated because you all hate him, so the vicious circle starts all over again. If you have Alcoholics Anonymous around then you need to contact them to see how you can help him. For you to further understand go to alnon meetings. This is for families that have alcoholics and need to know how to cope with the decease. Narcotics Anonymous will help deal with the drugs, plus drinking, because alcohol is a drug. Their meetings deal with all aspects of these problems. You need to walk away from him, instead of getting in fights, it ends up destroying you, and only fuels his need to drink more.
If he threatens to kill himself, then that is a cry for help, and you can have him commeted to treatment, because he is a threat to himself. He might not like it, but after being forced to be sober, he might understand that you loved him enough to want to give him a life.
you can't do it yourself. ask someone for help. there are rehabs, and people concerned (NGOs) that could help you. try to find them and seek advise from these people. don't give up on your brother.
Godbless and Goodluck!
ther is nothing you can do.. you can say anything do anything spend all your money on rehabs and aa.. it wont work..he has to do it for himself.. and the chances of that happening are very slim.. so you need to except that it what he has decided to do..he knows what he is doing and im sure it hurts him deep down inside..but he has to make the decision to stop and he has to have the controll to stay ';stopped';
put yourself in his position..you dont care, its youre life and body and now your addicted and starting to care less and less every day..do you think any one person would be able to change you?? probably not.. you have to understand the way he is thinking and feeling in order to really realize that there is nothing you can do..and unfortunatley he will never tell you how he really feels, so yeah like you said you need to deal with it for yourself.. its hard to watch someone you love fall apart and take the brunt of their anger.. but just like he decided to do this you need to decide to do whats right for yourself and if that means moving or kicking him out then thats what you have to do.. as hard as it is, as helpless as he may seem it was his decision and he has to take responsibility for himself as do you for yourself..
read this book ,it should help you understand his side of the story a little better and you may be able to cope better yourself..good luck :)
';A Million Little Peices'; by James Frey
Well don't talk to anyone that say's ';he will never change'; (playing God). Stay *very* far away from those kind of people because they will try to turn you into them instead of being supportive. You already know of his abuse of alcohol and addiction to drugs, and they can't and won't respect that knowledge. They are ';do nothing about everything'; people. Ya, well the root word of ignorance is *ignore*. There are also those who would like to see your brother ';hit bottom'; drama so they have a job or something to do/gossip about- possibly get him started on pots of coffee which will be another addiction he has to get over with the same withdrawl effect (hang over feeling/headaches). That is moreso where they are themselves at the bottom to be teaching to stop one addiction and start another..what's up with that? They are bored fixers who assume they know it all. You have to know a family background IN THE TRUTH to be loving and that is not going to come from a person who has a habit of being manipulative and crossing boundaries of other people left and right.
Live your life healthy - take care of your spirit. Let him see you doing so - and don't walk around on eggshells around him to the point of losing your boundaries to his manipulative behavior or when dealing with safety issues. But, don't have the attitude that you are trying to turn him into you and your personality. He will see healthy and possibly want healthy but accept that is up to him when it comes to health but becomes up to both of you if it involves your relationship with him. Remember that he is a person first before his habits: a person who is choosing not to take care himself by drinking and doing drugs who needs to choose to do differently if he wants some peace/health in his life. He is also a person who has feelings, hidden goals, and is being very lazy at expressing love...but it's in there. As for you tough love does not run away but sometimes needs a break ok? Your breaks CAN be pampering - everyone should have a positive activity of their own once in awhile anyways what ever their interest.
People who allow themselves to become addicted to drugs and alcohol are also addicted to being manipulative and are very controlling - they are perfectionists to the point of assuming everyone should just put up with nasty treatment from them and just accept negative behavior - grandiosity. You do not have to accept any negative behavior at someone's elses demand. You do that by setting boundaries. Those who abuse are well aware of anyone who encourages or makes excuses for unhealthy behavior because they say so. Ok, so set boundaries don't run and be healthy enough to not see him as your habit also...in other words, what you are use to - let that heal as well. My hubby had a lot of resistance to his stopping of the beer ';I don't like you anymore, you've changed';...I couldn't believe it. This doesn't apply to everyone so if I've jumped the gun please disregard. I'm only noting this because *some* related and not related to people who abuse their life and others get very mad when the person starts to heal or has healed. There are many people that respond childishly to those who are setting personal boundaries during their healing process. I also am very aware of this as I've had people try to forcefully tell me my loved one IS drinking when I knew he wasn't so they were choosing to add problems to my life on top of hubbies left-over behavior patterns. He was still dealing with negative behavior habits minus the beer and here comes those who are addicted to assumption (very nasty) instead of accepting and respecting that I was setting boundaries. I've seen it and I've learned there are more addictions out their than people drinking too much beer that's for sure. Learn to say ';it's none of your business'; ';that is false'; and ';ya, well there you go thinking again'; it took me a while to realize I don't have to hush around these people either. People who are addicted to assumption/drama are very controlling. They will be the first to call you a very controlling person if they see the abusing as being picked on. Children like drinkers (of course, they aren't consistant) and so these people respond like children who want to control and beat down those who know the difference between right from wrong. You have to take one step at a time right along with your loved one but have a life also. It requires some serious balance and it may be a bit more challanging for a wife but I don't know due to the fact it's a marriage but then brothers and sisters will always be too. My brother is surrounded by enablers right now...he doesn't NEED that on top of his other negative choices of abusing. I get how you feel. I knew him before as a child without abusing and I know my family. My step-mom needs a drinking partner and dictates my father to do bad things while she says she has nothing to do with it - on the flip my father is controlling because he wants to behave like a baby instead of a adult. The end result is that she has located her son right next door to her keeping him reliant on her need to drink/dictate. He has been told I'm dangerous...I'm sure I am to her and a man in his sixtys that wants to stay behaving like a juvenile deliquent. They have a history of luring rebellious teens as well while getting patted on the back by local government needs. So, *people* who encourage minors to steal and then some getting help from people who need crime and personal failures etc to continue so they get paid. These people tried to make me feel like I was nuts because I SAW what they were doing and spoke out against it.
~~~~~~Wife to a man who used to abuse beer many years ago coming from a very unhealthy family full of controlling enablers and people who do not respond well to truth - who cares. There are those that are codepent on a system who tries to use laws to hide their agenda of telling drinkers things that will keep them drinking and TALKING constantly about the negative. Ya well, today my hubby drinks a glass of wine on average occassion..not patterned. I did not save him I walked with him while he was saving himself - while still holding on to the difference betweeen what I would allow in my life and wouldn't allow. At times old patterns appear - I react the same w/boundaries and don't give a rip who says he's doing it because ';I let him'; - he's doing it because he's making bad choices in socializing period because they love to argue and procrastinate - in a marriage that includes two it's going right not wrong period it's going to get done. Too many assumers tell the non-abuser they do not exist and that the abuser has no love within them - WRONG.
I was not married to my husband when his drinking started and yet I've gone thru some serious rock throwing when I did not comply to stupid theories (secondary problems - thanks a lot ). I'm committed to my marriage...they will have to get over that I'm not their something to assume all over or to direct to emotionally or physically divorce. You may not be dealing with a marital relationship but you are blood related so if you have the strength use it but don't let yourself lose you.My brother is an alcoholic. I don't know how to deal with it.?
You need to go to Alanon. It is a group for families and friends of alcoholics. They will not tell what to do about your brother, but you will learn (by listening, sharing and reading) that there is a better life out there for you. Alcoholism brings a lot of insanity into our lives. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are millions of us who have been affected by someone else's drinking.
You did not cause it, you cannot control it and you cannot cure it. But you can find help for yourself whether he stops drinking or not. Please check it out.
Why dont you join a support groupl like Alocholics Anonymous.I am sure they have support groups for relatives of alcoholics.Even if you just sit in a meeting and meet these people would be good for you.
First off, you need to know that this is a decease, and it is hard for an alcoholic to stop until he knows why he is drinking. You fighting with him, only makes him think that his drinking is validated because you all hate him, so the vicious circle starts all over again. If you have Alcoholics Anonymous around then you need to contact them to see how you can help him. For you to further understand go to alnon meetings. This is for families that have alcoholics and need to know how to cope with the decease. Narcotics Anonymous will help deal with the drugs, plus drinking, because alcohol is a drug. Their meetings deal with all aspects of these problems. You need to walk away from him, instead of getting in fights, it ends up destroying you, and only fuels his need to drink more.
If he threatens to kill himself, then that is a cry for help, and you can have him commeted to treatment, because he is a threat to himself. He might not like it, but after being forced to be sober, he might understand that you loved him enough to want to give him a life.
you can't do it yourself. ask someone for help. there are rehabs, and people concerned (NGOs) that could help you. try to find them and seek advise from these people. don't give up on your brother.
Godbless and Goodluck!
ther is nothing you can do.. you can say anything do anything spend all your money on rehabs and aa.. it wont work..he has to do it for himself.. and the chances of that happening are very slim.. so you need to except that it what he has decided to do..he knows what he is doing and im sure it hurts him deep down inside..but he has to make the decision to stop and he has to have the controll to stay ';stopped';
put yourself in his position..you dont care, its youre life and body and now your addicted and starting to care less and less every day..do you think any one person would be able to change you?? probably not.. you have to understand the way he is thinking and feeling in order to really realize that there is nothing you can do..and unfortunatley he will never tell you how he really feels, so yeah like you said you need to deal with it for yourself.. its hard to watch someone you love fall apart and take the brunt of their anger.. but just like he decided to do this you need to decide to do whats right for yourself and if that means moving or kicking him out then thats what you have to do.. as hard as it is, as helpless as he may seem it was his decision and he has to take responsibility for himself as do you for yourself..
read this book ,it should help you understand his side of the story a little better and you may be able to cope better yourself..good luck :)
';A Million Little Peices'; by James Frey
How do I deal with guilt from moving away from my alcoholic mom?
I'm 28 and I'm moving to Texas for law school in one month. The only problem is that I feel so guilty for leaving my mother alone. She's an alcoholic and refuses to get help. Plus she's retired, so she has nothing to do all day which compounds the problem. On 3 separate occasions I've forced her to go to rehab, and each time she began drinking once she got out. I know ';you can't help someone unless they want help,'; but isn't it my responsibility as a daughter to act in her best interest? I just believe that there are times when you have to make the decision for your loved one, when they are hurting themselves and won't seek help.
Being accepted to law school is my dream come true. Of course I want to go, but I just feel so bad for leaving her. I'm not worried about my dad, because he has my stepmom to take care of him and keep him company. He still works and has a full life. My mom, on the other hand, just sits in the house all day. It's a project just to get her to go out.How do I deal with guilt from moving away from my alcoholic mom?
You need to get some counseling for Adult Children of Alcoholics...yeah, its a real thing. If you keep compromising your life for your mom's addiction you will find yourself just sitting alone in your house all day too.
This does not mean you cannot help her, but until you stop helping her she is never going to help herself.
Being accepted to law school is my dream come true. Of course I want to go, but I just feel so bad for leaving her. I'm not worried about my dad, because he has my stepmom to take care of him and keep him company. He still works and has a full life. My mom, on the other hand, just sits in the house all day. It's a project just to get her to go out.How do I deal with guilt from moving away from my alcoholic mom?
You need to get some counseling for Adult Children of Alcoholics...yeah, its a real thing. If you keep compromising your life for your mom's addiction you will find yourself just sitting alone in your house all day too.
This does not mean you cannot help her, but until you stop helping her she is never going to help herself.
How to deal with an dr. jekel and ms.hyde alcoholic spouse?
I love him very much, and he loves me very much that i am sure of, we have 2 kids a 5 year old and a 6 month old baby. When he's not drunk he is so loveing and considerate.
The PROBLUM: He cant go a day without drinking,
he normally drinks wiskey, he will go to the liquer store every day after work and get at the least 3 shots.
witch dosen't get him drunk but it keeps it in his system.
At least 1-3 times a week he will get hammered. Then he treats me like **** he's never hit me or anything but he's very verbaly abusive.
Then he'll wake up the next day like nothing ever happend and it's like he dont remember what a jack *** he was. But i still remember. and it's building up.
i dont want to leave him it's not really much of an option.
ANY TIPS ON HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS?How to deal with an dr. jekel and ms.hyde alcoholic spouse?
Intervention for him - if you want to stay with him - but only if he sobers up...
OR
Divorce.
In the interim you need to get yourself to some Al-anon meetings for family members of alcoholics - it may help you get yourself in order.How to deal with an dr. jekel and ms.hyde alcoholic spouse?
You need to call your local Alcoholics Anonymous and find a support group. He has a real problem and unless you act now you will end up miserable. It is not a long journey from verbal abuse to physical abuse. You and your children need protection from Mr. Hyde. Do this as soon as possible.
He sounds like a gem! you deserve each other. I wouldn't change a thing.
The PROBLUM: He cant go a day without drinking,
he normally drinks wiskey, he will go to the liquer store every day after work and get at the least 3 shots.
witch dosen't get him drunk but it keeps it in his system.
At least 1-3 times a week he will get hammered. Then he treats me like **** he's never hit me or anything but he's very verbaly abusive.
Then he'll wake up the next day like nothing ever happend and it's like he dont remember what a jack *** he was. But i still remember. and it's building up.
i dont want to leave him it's not really much of an option.
ANY TIPS ON HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS?How to deal with an dr. jekel and ms.hyde alcoholic spouse?
Intervention for him - if you want to stay with him - but only if he sobers up...
OR
Divorce.
In the interim you need to get yourself to some Al-anon meetings for family members of alcoholics - it may help you get yourself in order.How to deal with an dr. jekel and ms.hyde alcoholic spouse?
You need to call your local Alcoholics Anonymous and find a support group. He has a real problem and unless you act now you will end up miserable. It is not a long journey from verbal abuse to physical abuse. You and your children need protection from Mr. Hyde. Do this as soon as possible.
He sounds like a gem! you deserve each other. I wouldn't change a thing.
How do i deal with my ex boyfriend who is a alcoholic and won't get help, but keeps relying on me for support?
i don't want to be the enabler. hes still in denial whats a girl to do?How do i deal with my ex boyfriend who is a alcoholic and won't get help, but keeps relying on me for support?
He's your ex boyfriend for a reason. Don't support him, just move on with your life and let him move on with his. He will continue to need you as long as you are providing him with something. Cut your losses and move on.How do i deal with my ex boyfriend who is a alcoholic and won't get help, but keeps relying on me for support?
Nothing you can do until he faces and admits that there is a problem. Try telling him that you won't be around unless he gets some help, and stand behind it. It's called tough love.
Thought you said he was your ex, why are you worried about enabling him??? Isn't he responsible for his own actions and not you? Stop allowing him to lean on you and make him find his own support system.
if hes your EX boyfriend
leave him behind, or gett a restraining order
I agree with Matt D.
It's not your responsibility. I am saying that because I had an ex fiance who was always relying on me for help and I always felt bad and helped him. I got in a serious relationship with another guy and my ex still kept bugging me... he started messing up my current relationship and I felt like it was my duty not to stop helping him. It is not your responsibility. You need give him good council and go separate ways. Goodluck.
he can only help himself and its not your job to
if he's making your life harder in any way you obv dont seem to be happy
please i know this sounds harsh but cut him out of your life
there will be so many un worthwhile and bad people who come into your life at some stage just surround yourself with good people
no matter how much time you spend with this EX youll never help he needs to do this on his own
show him where he has to get help (AA,Doctor..etc)
NOT YOUtake controll of this situation as he cannot take controll of his life
if he dosnt opt for rehab or any above youve done all you can
peace and love
He's your ex boyfriend for a reason. Don't support him, just move on with your life and let him move on with his. He will continue to need you as long as you are providing him with something. Cut your losses and move on.How do i deal with my ex boyfriend who is a alcoholic and won't get help, but keeps relying on me for support?
Nothing you can do until he faces and admits that there is a problem. Try telling him that you won't be around unless he gets some help, and stand behind it. It's called tough love.
Thought you said he was your ex, why are you worried about enabling him??? Isn't he responsible for his own actions and not you? Stop allowing him to lean on you and make him find his own support system.
if hes your EX boyfriend
leave him behind, or gett a restraining order
I agree with Matt D.
It's not your responsibility. I am saying that because I had an ex fiance who was always relying on me for help and I always felt bad and helped him. I got in a serious relationship with another guy and my ex still kept bugging me... he started messing up my current relationship and I felt like it was my duty not to stop helping him. It is not your responsibility. You need give him good council and go separate ways. Goodluck.
he can only help himself and its not your job to
if he's making your life harder in any way you obv dont seem to be happy
please i know this sounds harsh but cut him out of your life
there will be so many un worthwhile and bad people who come into your life at some stage just surround yourself with good people
no matter how much time you spend with this EX youll never help he needs to do this on his own
show him where he has to get help (AA,Doctor..etc)
NOT YOUtake controll of this situation as he cannot take controll of his life
if he dosnt opt for rehab or any above youve done all you can
peace and love
How do I learn to be emotional again?
I was clinically depressed through adolesence, had to deal with a drug addict alcoholic mother, moved five times and attended seven schools, self medicated with drugs and alchohol till the anxiety disorder started at age 18, which is when I found out about depression and AD and decided to fix myself. I'm now 23 and I've dealt with a WHOLE lot of issues. One of the only problems left is that I still don't feel either love or sadness ever, even when I think they are appropriate. I absolutely cannot cry, and there have been times when I think it would have helped alot to purge myself. I don't have any problem with anger or occaisonally happiness. Just thinking about love or sadness and trying to feel them gives me bad anxiety, even writing this down. How do I re-establish contact with these feelings?How do I learn to be emotional again?
I think it's a slow process. I'm a survivor of child abuse and I too shy away from emotions, and it's taken me years of self-work to allow myself to cry - it's still very hard to do, even when I'm alone. I found that things like writing down in a journal helped, talking to a good therapist, sharing with others (you could try ACOA or ASCA .. I do a lot of ASCA stuff and it has helped me tremendously. Their website is www.ascasupport.org
Music can bring up emotion too .. art, nature .. I think the beauty in these things maybe just pulls something out of the depths. I've also heard that pets are a wonderful way to get in touch with emotions .. especially dogs. They offer unconditional love and are easy to connect with.
I guess it's one step at a time, and you've obviously already started the walk, done so much to help yourself, understood a great deal about where you're at and where you're coming from .. I know how it is .. I understood a whole lot on an ';intellectual'; level, but it kind of doesn't sink in to the soul? I ';know'; stuff but I don't ';feel'; it. Feelings are scary, feelings make me worry that I will be vulnerable. Perhaps exploring these thoughts is a way to opening up some new opportunities.
Oh .. another thing I just thought of .. body work. I went to a workshop on one two years ago and it made a HUGE difference .. it's like the body holds a lot more than just our skin and bones and organs .. and going through those guided movements actually wakes up a lot of stifled emotion. Why don't you try some form of dance or yoga or dance therapy or movement therapy. The body can release answers you never knew you had. (I realise this sounds a bit flower-childy, but there is SOMETHING in it .. give it a try, what have you got to lose?)How do I learn to be emotional again?
Therapy. Lots and lots of therapy.
cry alot and fake your tears hahaha!!!!!!
I know the feeling. Volunteer at a children's cancer ward.
Try meditation !....i bet it definitely helps
I'm sry 2 hear about that. You should go 2 your doctor and they will help u ALOT. Good Luck!!
practice - practice - practice
BE NICE TO PEOPLE THEN THE EMOTION WILL COME BACK LITTLE BY LITTLE.
Kind of sounds like you might be ';afraid'; to love??? I mean, if you've been hurt a lot - maybe you are scared of being let down because you know that ';people aren't perfect'; -- my son was going to counseling and he was told that he was possibly ';expecting too much out of people'; but we're all human with flaws. My mother was an alcoholic too and was never there for me. But my father was thank God. We all have childhood issues of some sort or another - yours were pretty severe and therefore affected you in a negative way. Have you gone to counseling for this issue? Don't purge yourself please because regardless of whether you feel no love - someone surely loves you I'm sure. If nothing else, I care.....so please don't. You say ';love or sadness'; -- they go hand in hand because when you are let down in love for any reason, it is immediately sadness. That can cause anxiety. (I had panic disorder for 5 years too so I understand where you're coming from). Somehow, try to open up your mind and soul to love - allow the hurt when you have to feel it as it will go away in time too (the hurt). I feel for you. Too much negative in life can really mess a person up. Hang in there and ALLOW YOURSELF TO LOVE. You are fighting it I'm sure.
If you don't feel love or sadness, you should think about a career with the IRS.
cut your wrists and slit your throat.. that's how u get to be emo.lol.
no seriously, you just have to find something tah sparks you. This can happen acidentaly, you might find someone you will love. watch some shows, and if u smoke or do drugs, lay it off.
Embrace them when you feel them coming on. Try to get inside the moment and do not let yourself surpress them or rationalize yourself out of them.
If you are not in therapy already, go. Before you feel love and care for others, you need to love and care for yourself.
It took 35 years, and watching my father die slowly of cancer to realize I could love and be loved. Don't waste time, you only get one chance at life.
I have also been through alot, and for 3 years, I was detached from my emotions. And it was very difficult to get them back. I was always afraid someone would prey on my vulnerability if I allowed myself to cry again. I had to think of things that hurt me, not to dwell on them, just to use them as a tool. Talk to a therapist as well, they can be really good, even if you only see them a couple of times. Also try laughing, it releases the same healing elements into your body as crying does. For me the laughter turned to tears, and I felt soooo much better! I am still healing, and it'll take awhile for you too, but I hope you get through it well.
Peace!
hello FRIEND
i am sad that i do not know your name --- it is important to you --- and also --- for your health and happiness
';identity'; is very important to all people --- and i believe that your past '; BAD '; EXPERIENCE OF LIFE --- has taken your feeling of '; IDENTITY';
PLEASE do not allow this to happen anymore
you are a PERSON in your own right
and only NOW are you aware of this --- hence --- your question---- and you have MATURED
now you --- CAN and WILL have a life of your own
well done young man
you are a real man and also
a true fighter
with brain --- not fists
my true admiration
i will HAPPILY talk --- 1-2-1 with you iff you wish my help and experience [ no fee --- ha ha ]
just keep focused / strong / and believe in yourself
any race/ colour/ religion/ we are all just people that wish to have a life of our own
all lives include many other events and people beyond our control at early year times --- and when this is very bad
many people fold
you have grown strong
please keep this stregnth --- it is wonderfull
you WILL have a very good life now --- i know it
highest regard to you
M. M.get braces or don't get them pictures internet explorer
I think it's a slow process. I'm a survivor of child abuse and I too shy away from emotions, and it's taken me years of self-work to allow myself to cry - it's still very hard to do, even when I'm alone. I found that things like writing down in a journal helped, talking to a good therapist, sharing with others (you could try ACOA or ASCA .. I do a lot of ASCA stuff and it has helped me tremendously. Their website is www.ascasupport.org
Music can bring up emotion too .. art, nature .. I think the beauty in these things maybe just pulls something out of the depths. I've also heard that pets are a wonderful way to get in touch with emotions .. especially dogs. They offer unconditional love and are easy to connect with.
I guess it's one step at a time, and you've obviously already started the walk, done so much to help yourself, understood a great deal about where you're at and where you're coming from .. I know how it is .. I understood a whole lot on an ';intellectual'; level, but it kind of doesn't sink in to the soul? I ';know'; stuff but I don't ';feel'; it. Feelings are scary, feelings make me worry that I will be vulnerable. Perhaps exploring these thoughts is a way to opening up some new opportunities.
Oh .. another thing I just thought of .. body work. I went to a workshop on one two years ago and it made a HUGE difference .. it's like the body holds a lot more than just our skin and bones and organs .. and going through those guided movements actually wakes up a lot of stifled emotion. Why don't you try some form of dance or yoga or dance therapy or movement therapy. The body can release answers you never knew you had. (I realise this sounds a bit flower-childy, but there is SOMETHING in it .. give it a try, what have you got to lose?)How do I learn to be emotional again?
Therapy. Lots and lots of therapy.
cry alot and fake your tears hahaha!!!!!!
I know the feeling. Volunteer at a children's cancer ward.
Try meditation !....i bet it definitely helps
I'm sry 2 hear about that. You should go 2 your doctor and they will help u ALOT. Good Luck!!
practice - practice - practice
BE NICE TO PEOPLE THEN THE EMOTION WILL COME BACK LITTLE BY LITTLE.
Kind of sounds like you might be ';afraid'; to love??? I mean, if you've been hurt a lot - maybe you are scared of being let down because you know that ';people aren't perfect'; -- my son was going to counseling and he was told that he was possibly ';expecting too much out of people'; but we're all human with flaws. My mother was an alcoholic too and was never there for me. But my father was thank God. We all have childhood issues of some sort or another - yours were pretty severe and therefore affected you in a negative way. Have you gone to counseling for this issue? Don't purge yourself please because regardless of whether you feel no love - someone surely loves you I'm sure. If nothing else, I care.....so please don't. You say ';love or sadness'; -- they go hand in hand because when you are let down in love for any reason, it is immediately sadness. That can cause anxiety. (I had panic disorder for 5 years too so I understand where you're coming from). Somehow, try to open up your mind and soul to love - allow the hurt when you have to feel it as it will go away in time too (the hurt). I feel for you. Too much negative in life can really mess a person up. Hang in there and ALLOW YOURSELF TO LOVE. You are fighting it I'm sure.
If you don't feel love or sadness, you should think about a career with the IRS.
cut your wrists and slit your throat.. that's how u get to be emo.lol.
no seriously, you just have to find something tah sparks you. This can happen acidentaly, you might find someone you will love. watch some shows, and if u smoke or do drugs, lay it off.
Embrace them when you feel them coming on. Try to get inside the moment and do not let yourself surpress them or rationalize yourself out of them.
If you are not in therapy already, go. Before you feel love and care for others, you need to love and care for yourself.
It took 35 years, and watching my father die slowly of cancer to realize I could love and be loved. Don't waste time, you only get one chance at life.
I have also been through alot, and for 3 years, I was detached from my emotions. And it was very difficult to get them back. I was always afraid someone would prey on my vulnerability if I allowed myself to cry again. I had to think of things that hurt me, not to dwell on them, just to use them as a tool. Talk to a therapist as well, they can be really good, even if you only see them a couple of times. Also try laughing, it releases the same healing elements into your body as crying does. For me the laughter turned to tears, and I felt soooo much better! I am still healing, and it'll take awhile for you too, but I hope you get through it well.
Peace!
hello FRIEND
i am sad that i do not know your name --- it is important to you --- and also --- for your health and happiness
';identity'; is very important to all people --- and i believe that your past '; BAD '; EXPERIENCE OF LIFE --- has taken your feeling of '; IDENTITY';
PLEASE do not allow this to happen anymore
you are a PERSON in your own right
and only NOW are you aware of this --- hence --- your question---- and you have MATURED
now you --- CAN and WILL have a life of your own
well done young man
you are a real man and also
a true fighter
with brain --- not fists
my true admiration
i will HAPPILY talk --- 1-2-1 with you iff you wish my help and experience [ no fee --- ha ha ]
just keep focused / strong / and believe in yourself
any race/ colour/ religion/ we are all just people that wish to have a life of our own
all lives include many other events and people beyond our control at early year times --- and when this is very bad
many people fold
you have grown strong
please keep this stregnth --- it is wonderfull
you WILL have a very good life now --- i know it
highest regard to you
M. M.
I think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
I'm 17 and I have depression and social anxiety. I've dealt with an alcoholic dad who abused my mom and other family problems. I have no friends because I'm too scared to talk to them. A lot of kids rejected me when I was younger because I'm quiet. Some of them would tell me they wouldn't want me around. I got picked on a lot. Even in my last year of high school I'm still dealing with it.
I think a lot about others and how much pain they are in. As a male, I feel very inferior to women. The reason is that they can have children and it must be painful and uncomfortable to deal with periods every month. It makes me feel like I'm worthless. I keep having thoughts about cutting myself across the stomach just so I can have a small idea of what it's about. Even then I still wouldn't know. I think that because I'm a male, I have no right to complain. I grew up primarily around women and I thought about how teachers in schools always sided with the girls.
Then I think about people in other countries who are suffering. Some have no food and die everyday. Some can't even afford pencils or even the right to an identity. I even think about innocent people who are killed or tortured by serial killers. All of this just makes me want to harm myself all over. Only reason I haven't done it yet is becuse I'm around my family all the time and we are very dysfuntional. I'm afraid to try anything right now. I feel that once I leave, I may have to take a butcher knife and mark myself.
I also constantly have thoughts of killing myself. In these thoughts, I think about different ways to do it. Either hanging myself or shooting myself or even sacrificing myself to save everyone else. In every scenario nobody really cares. They wouldn't even know I was gone since they don't even know who I am. Even if they do know me, it wouldn't make a difference to them. I've been getting counselling, but these thoughts are so overwhelming. I don't know what to do. I feel like I deserve to suffer is what I'm saying. I feel I deserve it because my life is too good compared to others.I think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
Your life is worth SO much more than you think, and even if you feel no one cares about you so many people feel that your life has value, including me. You sound like such a caring, empathetic person which are amazing qualities to have. If you want to feel better about yourself you should start helping the people you feel bad for. Try volunteering at womens shelters (be aware they may not take you b/c your male but you can still prepare meals, donate furnitiure etc,), volunteering at homeless shelters, sending money to people in impovershed countries, going on a missionary trip to Africa or even just bad areas in your state, and possibly joining the peace corps. When you help others its impossible not feel better about yourself because YOU are changing someones life and making their life SO much better!
Even if you feel like an outsider now after high school you should choose a college where you can have a fresh start and meet new people or join the peace corps and find people who are as passionate about helping others as you are.
Also, I am a woman and although you may feel bad about everything we go through the best way to empathize is NOT to cut yourself. Instead when you have a girlfriend/wife just help make her as comfortable as possible during pregnancy or her special time of the month and be tolerant of her mood swings. She will be SO impressed that you care about and respect the suffering she has to go through to bear children, unlike most guys. Respecting girls is definitly attracttive.
Whatever you do, DO NOT kill yourself. Killing yourself is selfish, which sounds like the opposite of what you are. Killing youself destroys the people who love you most and denies the world your abilities and talents.
So if you
- Keep yourself alive
- Help others all you can
- Give yourself a fresh start after highschool in college or the peace corps or even the military
I hope and pray your thoughts of hurting yourself will go away. If not see a counselor or physician and they may help you work through your feelings or prescribe ant-depressants.
Even of you never meet me or hear from me agian just know that I do care about you, because you are a human being and deserve the respect and love of everyone. Even if your not religous, I am and I believe God is watching over you and will help you on your journey. Just stay focused and you can achieve your dreams. Remember your life has worth.
- Olivia
If you need to talk just e-mail me, its on my profile. I think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
talk to someone about it.
there has to be someone who is ther for you.
if not i WILL BE!
email me and i will help you .
ihonestly canrelate to you in a lot of ways because i think about some of the same things.
my email is
i_love_soupy@hotmail.com
im always here to talk
hay dont worry everything will get better. hell want to kno what i do? i cut my self. i tried commiting suicide 3 TIMES! but i found out there is other ways to help it. try looking at teh stars. if u scared of talkign and everything just go to the quit guys or quit girls so u can get some advantiges. alright? look just dont do anything to hurt urself i regret cuting my wrists and inner legs. i cant even look at it without crying. im emotional and idc who says im a pussy or not. dont believe anyone else.
What I find really helpful to have a real fun relaxed stress and anxiety free day is to drink a few beers during the day. Have a few good beers in the morning, then if you go out, take a hip flask of whiskey with you and have a few good swigs during the day. After a super start to the day get stuck into the booze in the late afternoon. It really gives you a good night sleep and when you wake up feeling a bit fuzzy the next morning a few good swigs will set you up for another good stress free day. I鈥檓 having a ball and doing really well with my studies at University. I have a great part time job at a local book store and the management have no idea I鈥檓 half pissed all the time, I got employee of the month for the last two months and I am leading part time sales by heaps this month. It certainly makes the time go quick and adds a lot of fun to the day. Highly recommended.
hey thats all ur imagination. dont get in to unwanted matters try to do ur work get some music or books or rome on roads go to shopping but dont be lonely try to do the best in ur work be sur ethat ur mind is not let free to think unwanted.
but be sure we must face the life what ever the problems good luk keep on moving ...............
think of it like this.
`Besides all the bad things you like to think about, think of your best days ever.
`And ya you have a reason to complain, bad things happend to you, and its a good thing you told someone otherwise you may have kept it in you and you might have exploded from all the angst.
`Think how great life will be when you're older and can live life by yourself, or with good friends! and by the sound of it, your not that far away.
`FInd a hobbie. It'll take your mind of this bad stuff, and if you find other people who like the same thing as you, you'll make friends, and you'll be much more happy.
`Also,One day on the weekend, you should go out by yourself, or with a friend and just take some time to relax, buy a smoothie or a milkshake and relax.
`and you say youre life has been too good to complain, well i think other wise. everyone has a right to complain, especially in your case. YOur life has not been good like you said and thats ok, cuz u can get out of it.
`wat do u want to be when your older? find some classes about or near that and persue you're dream. Trust me it'll give you a great boost of energy.
`also, there will alays be someone listining to you. And they wont care how much you'll complain. In your case besides a friend you might want to see a shrink.
REMBER: shrinks aren't for crazy people at all, thats a false judgement. They are there to make everyone feel better.
Also
REMEBER: have some fun, you'll feel better.
Why would you hurt yourself, you didn't do anything wrong.
Why you have to deal with your dad and mom? It isn't your
responsiblity. Why worrying about that?
Well next year, when you turn 18, and finishing up school, then
move out and get a job. Cut grass if you have too. My neighbor
makes $30,000 a year by cutting grass and help people with their
garden and spray weed killer on grass for people.
Friends aren't that important. Why worry about other people?
You aren't an inferior to me. I'm a woman.
We can have children, you can too.
Well I only have 2 days of period problem every month. I can handle that.
I can just take an aspirin for pain. That is all. I don't get PMS at all.
I believe PMS is a myth.
I wish I am a male... I wanna ride one of those skating board.
I thought men have all the fun.
You guys can make films, win many awards, can make houses, and everything...
Teachers sided with girls, because girls do have problem, they can't do the things you men can do.... especially running for President and being CEO and all.
And those women in Middle East, they don't get much freedom.
Why don't you do some missionaries work, go to church and ask church members to go with you to help people in other countries.
I think people who are killed or tortured, maybe because they provoke someone. Or they chose to hang out with wrong crowd.
No... why kill yourself, I thought you care about us? why not
hang around with us and give us comfort. We do need you.
hey.
my heart really goes out to you mate. It sounds like you have gone through a lot in your life. It has been tough for you. I really do beg you. I have self harmed and i really regret it.. it is way too easy to get addicted to. please dont harm yourself. I used to get thoughts of killing myself and stuff.. i felt the same way you do.. i felt things could never get better... but i assure u they can. u feel like no one cares? i know this sounds really cheesy... but i care.. i really do...
please add me on msn if u wanna talk to someone... dont bottle it all up... add me oh-liv-ee-ah@hotmail.com
Olivia.. xox
I think a lot about others and how much pain they are in. As a male, I feel very inferior to women. The reason is that they can have children and it must be painful and uncomfortable to deal with periods every month. It makes me feel like I'm worthless. I keep having thoughts about cutting myself across the stomach just so I can have a small idea of what it's about. Even then I still wouldn't know. I think that because I'm a male, I have no right to complain. I grew up primarily around women and I thought about how teachers in schools always sided with the girls.
Then I think about people in other countries who are suffering. Some have no food and die everyday. Some can't even afford pencils or even the right to an identity. I even think about innocent people who are killed or tortured by serial killers. All of this just makes me want to harm myself all over. Only reason I haven't done it yet is becuse I'm around my family all the time and we are very dysfuntional. I'm afraid to try anything right now. I feel that once I leave, I may have to take a butcher knife and mark myself.
I also constantly have thoughts of killing myself. In these thoughts, I think about different ways to do it. Either hanging myself or shooting myself or even sacrificing myself to save everyone else. In every scenario nobody really cares. They wouldn't even know I was gone since they don't even know who I am. Even if they do know me, it wouldn't make a difference to them. I've been getting counselling, but these thoughts are so overwhelming. I don't know what to do. I feel like I deserve to suffer is what I'm saying. I feel I deserve it because my life is too good compared to others.I think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
Your life is worth SO much more than you think, and even if you feel no one cares about you so many people feel that your life has value, including me. You sound like such a caring, empathetic person which are amazing qualities to have. If you want to feel better about yourself you should start helping the people you feel bad for. Try volunteering at womens shelters (be aware they may not take you b/c your male but you can still prepare meals, donate furnitiure etc,), volunteering at homeless shelters, sending money to people in impovershed countries, going on a missionary trip to Africa or even just bad areas in your state, and possibly joining the peace corps. When you help others its impossible not feel better about yourself because YOU are changing someones life and making their life SO much better!
Even if you feel like an outsider now after high school you should choose a college where you can have a fresh start and meet new people or join the peace corps and find people who are as passionate about helping others as you are.
Also, I am a woman and although you may feel bad about everything we go through the best way to empathize is NOT to cut yourself. Instead when you have a girlfriend/wife just help make her as comfortable as possible during pregnancy or her special time of the month and be tolerant of her mood swings. She will be SO impressed that you care about and respect the suffering she has to go through to bear children, unlike most guys. Respecting girls is definitly attracttive.
Whatever you do, DO NOT kill yourself. Killing yourself is selfish, which sounds like the opposite of what you are. Killing youself destroys the people who love you most and denies the world your abilities and talents.
So if you
- Keep yourself alive
- Help others all you can
- Give yourself a fresh start after highschool in college or the peace corps or even the military
I hope and pray your thoughts of hurting yourself will go away. If not see a counselor or physician and they may help you work through your feelings or prescribe ant-depressants.
Even of you never meet me or hear from me agian just know that I do care about you, because you are a human being and deserve the respect and love of everyone. Even if your not religous, I am and I believe God is watching over you and will help you on your journey. Just stay focused and you can achieve your dreams. Remember your life has worth.
- Olivia
If you need to talk just e-mail me, its on my profile. I think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
talk to someone about it.
there has to be someone who is ther for you.
if not i WILL BE!
email me and i will help you .
ihonestly canrelate to you in a lot of ways because i think about some of the same things.
my email is
i_love_soupy@hotmail.com
im always here to talk
hay dont worry everything will get better. hell want to kno what i do? i cut my self. i tried commiting suicide 3 TIMES! but i found out there is other ways to help it. try looking at teh stars. if u scared of talkign and everything just go to the quit guys or quit girls so u can get some advantiges. alright? look just dont do anything to hurt urself i regret cuting my wrists and inner legs. i cant even look at it without crying. im emotional and idc who says im a pussy or not. dont believe anyone else.
What I find really helpful to have a real fun relaxed stress and anxiety free day is to drink a few beers during the day. Have a few good beers in the morning, then if you go out, take a hip flask of whiskey with you and have a few good swigs during the day. After a super start to the day get stuck into the booze in the late afternoon. It really gives you a good night sleep and when you wake up feeling a bit fuzzy the next morning a few good swigs will set you up for another good stress free day. I鈥檓 having a ball and doing really well with my studies at University. I have a great part time job at a local book store and the management have no idea I鈥檓 half pissed all the time, I got employee of the month for the last two months and I am leading part time sales by heaps this month. It certainly makes the time go quick and adds a lot of fun to the day. Highly recommended.
hey thats all ur imagination. dont get in to unwanted matters try to do ur work get some music or books or rome on roads go to shopping but dont be lonely try to do the best in ur work be sur ethat ur mind is not let free to think unwanted.
but be sure we must face the life what ever the problems good luk keep on moving ...............
think of it like this.
`Besides all the bad things you like to think about, think of your best days ever.
`And ya you have a reason to complain, bad things happend to you, and its a good thing you told someone otherwise you may have kept it in you and you might have exploded from all the angst.
`Think how great life will be when you're older and can live life by yourself, or with good friends! and by the sound of it, your not that far away.
`FInd a hobbie. It'll take your mind of this bad stuff, and if you find other people who like the same thing as you, you'll make friends, and you'll be much more happy.
`Also,One day on the weekend, you should go out by yourself, or with a friend and just take some time to relax, buy a smoothie or a milkshake and relax.
`and you say youre life has been too good to complain, well i think other wise. everyone has a right to complain, especially in your case. YOur life has not been good like you said and thats ok, cuz u can get out of it.
`wat do u want to be when your older? find some classes about or near that and persue you're dream. Trust me it'll give you a great boost of energy.
`also, there will alays be someone listining to you. And they wont care how much you'll complain. In your case besides a friend you might want to see a shrink.
REMBER: shrinks aren't for crazy people at all, thats a false judgement. They are there to make everyone feel better.
Also
REMEBER: have some fun, you'll feel better.
Why would you hurt yourself, you didn't do anything wrong.
Why you have to deal with your dad and mom? It isn't your
responsiblity. Why worrying about that?
Well next year, when you turn 18, and finishing up school, then
move out and get a job. Cut grass if you have too. My neighbor
makes $30,000 a year by cutting grass and help people with their
garden and spray weed killer on grass for people.
Friends aren't that important. Why worry about other people?
You aren't an inferior to me. I'm a woman.
We can have children, you can too.
Well I only have 2 days of period problem every month. I can handle that.
I can just take an aspirin for pain. That is all. I don't get PMS at all.
I believe PMS is a myth.
I wish I am a male... I wanna ride one of those skating board.
I thought men have all the fun.
You guys can make films, win many awards, can make houses, and everything...
Teachers sided with girls, because girls do have problem, they can't do the things you men can do.... especially running for President and being CEO and all.
And those women in Middle East, they don't get much freedom.
Why don't you do some missionaries work, go to church and ask church members to go with you to help people in other countries.
I think people who are killed or tortured, maybe because they provoke someone. Or they chose to hang out with wrong crowd.
No... why kill yourself, I thought you care about us? why not
hang around with us and give us comfort. We do need you.
hey.
my heart really goes out to you mate. It sounds like you have gone through a lot in your life. It has been tough for you. I really do beg you. I have self harmed and i really regret it.. it is way too easy to get addicted to. please dont harm yourself. I used to get thoughts of killing myself and stuff.. i felt the same way you do.. i felt things could never get better... but i assure u they can. u feel like no one cares? i know this sounds really cheesy... but i care.. i really do...
please add me on msn if u wanna talk to someone... dont bottle it all up... add me oh-liv-ee-ah@hotmail.com
Olivia.. xox
I think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
I'm 17 and I have depression and social anxiety. I've dealt with an alcoholic dad who abused my mom and other family problems. I have no friends because I'm too scared to talk to them. A lot of kids rejected me when I was younger because I'm quiet. Some of them would tell me they wouldn't want me around. I got picked on a lot. Even in my last year of high school I'm still dealing with it.
I think a lot about others and how much pain they are in. As a male, I feel very inferior to women. The reason is that they can have children and it must be painful and uncomfortable to deal with periods every month. It makes me feel like I'm worthless. I keep having thoughts about cutting myself across the stomach just so I can have a small idea of what it's about. Even then I still wouldn't know. I think that because I'm a male, I have no right to complain. I grew up primarily around women and I thought about how teachers in schools always sided with the girls.
Then I think about people in other countries who are suffering. Some have no food and die everyday. Some can't even afford pencils or even the right to an identity. I even think about innocent people who are killed or tortured by serial killers. All of this just makes me want to harm myself all over. Only reason I haven't done it yet is becuse I'm around my family all the time and we are very dysfuntional. I'm afraid to try anything right now. I feel that once I leave, I may have to take a butcher knife and mark myself.
I also constantly have thoughts of killing myself. In these thoughts, I think about different ways to do it. Either hanging myself or shooting myself or even sacrificing myself to save everyone else. In every scenario nobody really cares. They wouldn't even know I was gone since they don't even know who I am. Even if they do know me, it wouldn't make a difference to them. I've been getting counselling, but these thoughts are so overwhelming. I don't know what to do. I feel like I deserve to suffer is what I'm saying.I think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
There is a disorder, where people are 'self cutters'. It is when people cut themselves to feel the pain externally that they feel internally. It is a release to them. It usually comes with some type of OCD- which can contribute to your instrusive and repetitive thoughts.
You also have dealt with a lot of negativity and mental anguish around you. You don't have to be 'the most abused person in the world' to feel wounded or sad that these things have happened to you. Yes, there are worse things in life, but that doesn't mean you have to feel guilty for feeling for your own situation.
Your compassion for woman and your ability to see outside of yourself is a reason itself to live. There needs to be more caring, and concerned people in this world. And you are that.
Brings these things to the attention of your therapist-- ASAP
You need to let your therapist know that you are in serious need of attention!
If you are too shy to say it, than print out what you wrote here and give it to your therapist.
Along with our answers.
I PROMISE you that one day in your future you will be happy to be alive. You will experience or feel SOMETHING that will make you say to yourself ';thank God I am here for this.';
I know from experience.
Best wishes for you, and please keep writing to let us know how you are.I think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
get professional help before you end up killing yourself by accident,like my friend did.
You sound like a good person going bad and confused.PLEASE DON'T HURT YOURSELF OR ANYONE IN ANY WAY AT ALL PLEASE I BEG YOU I BEGGG YOU.I'm going to pray for you.I'm going to ask god to help you and that you tell your concelor everything that you just wrote on the question page.You're a GOOD person and have to realize that GOOD people don't do things like that.EVERYONE YOU KNOW LOVES YOU NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU THINK THEY DONT THEY DOOOOOOO I PROMISE YOU THAT THEY DO.PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!!! I suffer from the same thing :Depression and anxiety and psychosis.I have to deal with it every day.It's ok to have those problems.And you're life can't possibly be too good if you are having suicidal thoughts.I don't even know you and I LOVE YOU as a friend already!! I PROMISE I do.You just have to PRAY EVERY SECOUND YOU GET THE CHANCE.email me to let me know how you're doing please.
(Fater god please take care of this young innocent soul...)
I understand you and im a girl and you are not inferior to women at all you are unique, I am like you I feel that no one likes me and I also think lots about other people pain but every body pain whether it is a child who cuts its knee of someone dying from the affects of cancer, every body's problem is sufficient enough for them and sometimes even too much. You sound like a really loving person as i Sense and it is unfortunate for others who do not want to know you.
there is a brighter day for you soon
just hold a little longer.
never give.
ill say a pray for you to calm you tonight.
Bone.
It's okay, hon. Everybody has problems, no matter what situation their in. I'm going to start off by saying that you can talk to me, okay? I'll listen to you because for some people it helps. Sure, there are some people that have been killed, and women do go through childbirth and all that but in all honesty you shouldn't have to worry about them. You should worry about you. And no one cares? I care. I hate seeing anybody like this and that includes you. My email Is Big_Bad_Wolf3456@yahoo.com
(It's a bit of a lame name, right? lol).
But you DO NOT deserve to suffer, nobody does.
I think a lot about others and how much pain they are in. As a male, I feel very inferior to women. The reason is that they can have children and it must be painful and uncomfortable to deal with periods every month. It makes me feel like I'm worthless. I keep having thoughts about cutting myself across the stomach just so I can have a small idea of what it's about. Even then I still wouldn't know. I think that because I'm a male, I have no right to complain. I grew up primarily around women and I thought about how teachers in schools always sided with the girls.
Then I think about people in other countries who are suffering. Some have no food and die everyday. Some can't even afford pencils or even the right to an identity. I even think about innocent people who are killed or tortured by serial killers. All of this just makes me want to harm myself all over. Only reason I haven't done it yet is becuse I'm around my family all the time and we are very dysfuntional. I'm afraid to try anything right now. I feel that once I leave, I may have to take a butcher knife and mark myself.
I also constantly have thoughts of killing myself. In these thoughts, I think about different ways to do it. Either hanging myself or shooting myself or even sacrificing myself to save everyone else. In every scenario nobody really cares. They wouldn't even know I was gone since they don't even know who I am. Even if they do know me, it wouldn't make a difference to them. I've been getting counselling, but these thoughts are so overwhelming. I don't know what to do. I feel like I deserve to suffer is what I'm saying.I think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
There is a disorder, where people are 'self cutters'. It is when people cut themselves to feel the pain externally that they feel internally. It is a release to them. It usually comes with some type of OCD- which can contribute to your instrusive and repetitive thoughts.
You also have dealt with a lot of negativity and mental anguish around you. You don't have to be 'the most abused person in the world' to feel wounded or sad that these things have happened to you. Yes, there are worse things in life, but that doesn't mean you have to feel guilty for feeling for your own situation.
Your compassion for woman and your ability to see outside of yourself is a reason itself to live. There needs to be more caring, and concerned people in this world. And you are that.
Brings these things to the attention of your therapist-- ASAP
You need to let your therapist know that you are in serious need of attention!
If you are too shy to say it, than print out what you wrote here and give it to your therapist.
Along with our answers.
I PROMISE you that one day in your future you will be happy to be alive. You will experience or feel SOMETHING that will make you say to yourself ';thank God I am here for this.';
I know from experience.
Best wishes for you, and please keep writing to let us know how you are.I think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
get professional help before you end up killing yourself by accident,like my friend did.
You sound like a good person going bad and confused.PLEASE DON'T HURT YOURSELF OR ANYONE IN ANY WAY AT ALL PLEASE I BEG YOU I BEGGG YOU.I'm going to pray for you.I'm going to ask god to help you and that you tell your concelor everything that you just wrote on the question page.You're a GOOD person and have to realize that GOOD people don't do things like that.EVERYONE YOU KNOW LOVES YOU NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU THINK THEY DONT THEY DOOOOOOO I PROMISE YOU THAT THEY DO.PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!!! I suffer from the same thing :Depression and anxiety and psychosis.I have to deal with it every day.It's ok to have those problems.And you're life can't possibly be too good if you are having suicidal thoughts.I don't even know you and I LOVE YOU as a friend already!! I PROMISE I do.You just have to PRAY EVERY SECOUND YOU GET THE CHANCE.email me to let me know how you're doing please.
(Fater god please take care of this young innocent soul...)
I understand you and im a girl and you are not inferior to women at all you are unique, I am like you I feel that no one likes me and I also think lots about other people pain but every body pain whether it is a child who cuts its knee of someone dying from the affects of cancer, every body's problem is sufficient enough for them and sometimes even too much. You sound like a really loving person as i Sense and it is unfortunate for others who do not want to know you.
there is a brighter day for you soon
just hold a little longer.
never give.
ill say a pray for you to calm you tonight.
Bone.
It's okay, hon. Everybody has problems, no matter what situation their in. I'm going to start off by saying that you can talk to me, okay? I'll listen to you because for some people it helps. Sure, there are some people that have been killed, and women do go through childbirth and all that but in all honesty you shouldn't have to worry about them. You should worry about you. And no one cares? I care. I hate seeing anybody like this and that includes you. My email Is Big_Bad_Wolf3456@yahoo.com
(It's a bit of a lame name, right? lol).
But you DO NOT deserve to suffer, nobody does.
I think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
I'm 17 and I have depression and social anxiety. I've dealt with an alcoholic dad who abused my mom and other family problems. I have no friends because I'm too scared to talk to them. A lot of kids rejected me when I was younger because I'm quiet. Some of them would tell me they wouldn't want me around. I got picked on a lot. Even in my last year of high school I'm still dealing with it.
I think a lot about others and how much pain they are in. As a male, I feel very inferior to women. The reason is that they can have children and it must be painful and uncomfortable to deal with periods every month. It makes me feel like I'm worthless. I keep having thoughts about cutting myself across the stomach just so I can have a small idea of what it's about. Even then I still wouldn't know. I think that because I'm a male, I have no right to complain. I grew up primarily around women and I thought about how teachers in schools always sided with the girls.
Then I think about people in other countries who are suffering. Some have no food and die everyday. Some can't even afford pencils or even the right to an identity. I even think about innocent people who are killed or tortured by serial killers. All of this just makes me want to harm myself all over. Only reason I haven't done it yet is becuse I'm around my family all the time and we are very dysfuntional. I'm afraid to try anything right now. I feel that once I leave, I may have to take a butcher knife and mark myself.
I also constantly have thoughts of killing myself. In these thoughts, I think about different ways to do it. Either hanging myself or shooting myself or even sacrificing myself to save everyone else. In every scenario nobody really cares. They wouldn't even know I was gone since they don't even know who I am. Even if they do know me, it wouldn't make a difference to them. I've been getting counselling, but these thoughts are so overwhelming. I don't know what to do. I feel like I deserve to suffer is what I'm saying.I think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
hurting yourself won't make it better for anyone else or for you.
don't try and ';bring yourself up'; to another level by hurting yourself. thast just crazy and it won't help. so... don't do it.
i hope your counseling works outI think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
You need to seek counsel right away. Get on the suicde hotline in your area right away and someone will come and be with you. You need professional help. And if you are suffering in such a terrible way you deserve it youself to have that chance to fix what you think might be unfixable.
Trust me , get help now, do not wait...call 911
i can understand a lot of how you feel,my familys crazy too, I think it will help to get your feelings and thoughts out so maybe start writing in a notebook or something. Write about something that happened in the past or how you feel about your family or What even happened to you that day. Just get it all out .It helps me and it makes me feel less pressured. But thats not enough you should also talk to someone like a therapist or someone from school. You could even talk with me if you like
I think a lot about others and how much pain they are in. As a male, I feel very inferior to women. The reason is that they can have children and it must be painful and uncomfortable to deal with periods every month. It makes me feel like I'm worthless. I keep having thoughts about cutting myself across the stomach just so I can have a small idea of what it's about. Even then I still wouldn't know. I think that because I'm a male, I have no right to complain. I grew up primarily around women and I thought about how teachers in schools always sided with the girls.
Then I think about people in other countries who are suffering. Some have no food and die everyday. Some can't even afford pencils or even the right to an identity. I even think about innocent people who are killed or tortured by serial killers. All of this just makes me want to harm myself all over. Only reason I haven't done it yet is becuse I'm around my family all the time and we are very dysfuntional. I'm afraid to try anything right now. I feel that once I leave, I may have to take a butcher knife and mark myself.
I also constantly have thoughts of killing myself. In these thoughts, I think about different ways to do it. Either hanging myself or shooting myself or even sacrificing myself to save everyone else. In every scenario nobody really cares. They wouldn't even know I was gone since they don't even know who I am. Even if they do know me, it wouldn't make a difference to them. I've been getting counselling, but these thoughts are so overwhelming. I don't know what to do. I feel like I deserve to suffer is what I'm saying.I think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
hurting yourself won't make it better for anyone else or for you.
don't try and ';bring yourself up'; to another level by hurting yourself. thast just crazy and it won't help. so... don't do it.
i hope your counseling works outI think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
You need to seek counsel right away. Get on the suicde hotline in your area right away and someone will come and be with you. You need professional help. And if you are suffering in such a terrible way you deserve it youself to have that chance to fix what you think might be unfixable.
Trust me , get help now, do not wait...call 911
i can understand a lot of how you feel,my familys crazy too, I think it will help to get your feelings and thoughts out so maybe start writing in a notebook or something. Write about something that happened in the past or how you feel about your family or What even happened to you that day. Just get it all out .It helps me and it makes me feel less pressured. But thats not enough you should also talk to someone like a therapist or someone from school. You could even talk with me if you like
Chances of postnatal depression diminish with less intensive delivery?
According to a few psychologists and a psychiatrist I am Borderline and an chronically depressive. Fair enough, when I found out I was pregnant the psychologist I was seeing at that time warned me that I was more likely to have postnatal depression. That, so far, makes sense.
So, I was worried I'd fall into a postnatal depression and therefore wasn't looking forward to the birth, but when it turned out to be an emergency c-section I probably wasn't at all prepared for what would follow.
Sure I'd cried during and after my pregnancy, but when you deal with an alcoholic boyfriend who constantly tells you the baby isn't his and nothing you say gets through to him (during pregnancy, after our son was born he could see how much he looked like him, thank god), and see your baby losing almost half a kilo in a week because breastfeeding wasn't going well and none of the nursing staff was willing to feed him at least *something*, I've seen people break down for less.
Knowing my psychological history and what I've had to deal with, I honestly expected to fall into PND almost immediately, so much to my surprise I'm actually very content with my life. There's not an inch of depression coming up and at this point it doesn't seem like I will have depression at all, since those don't really come up acutely and build up for at least two years noticeably.
So what I am wondering, because I had an emergency c-section and the baby came out quickly it means I've had a less intensive delivery. At least it didn't feel intensive at all. I always imagine had I been in labour for an entire day, with the pain of delivery contractions prior to giving birth, experiencing it longer and intenser, would I have been more likely to get postnatal depression?
Are there statistics for this?
Or would you say that emergency invasive operations like a c-section cause a bigger chance of PND? Or would you say it depends on how the woman deals with either kind of delivery?Chances of postnatal depression diminish with less intensive delivery?
Wow, I really found your story so interesting.
I think....and this is just from memory, when I had my children who are now 14 %26amp; 18....that postpartum Depression has more to do with your body reacting to all the Hormones and everything else that changes when you are pregnant. Having another human being in your body really can drain you!
I don't think the actual birth process, easy, difficult, long or ER like you has much to do with it. Although certainly an easy birth (is there really such a thing?) would definitely make you feel happy and relieved at the time.
It sounds to me like you really have pulled yourself together. I have many ';diagnosis' of various mental disorders. My first baby I delivered was an extremely terrible and traumatic crisis. I won't go into all that but Thank God he was so very healthy-but I had to spend a week in the Hospital to recover and when i went home it took about a month for me to be able to go to the bathroom myself and I Had to have a nurse come to my house every day. Despite all my mental issues and the trauma of the birth, I never became depressed. I mean I had my crying moments because the sleep deprivation that a newborn will do to you is likely to bring out a mental meltdown. But I didn't have a real serious episode like I get from time to time now. Honestly I'm always exhibiting some kind of goofy symptoms. I guess the LOVE I felt for my children was so intense and new and wonderful that the mental issues kind of took a back seat and I was a great Mom.
My second baby-perfect delivery. He was healthy and I could walk and got back to normal in a day!
One thing I did experience, is my OCD really got out of control. My house was so clean because I didn't want a spec of dirt or anything touching the baby. but it drove me crazy because if I saw a pillow out of place i would almost start crying. My OCD is bad. I've had nervous type disorders since I was 5. I'm 41 now.
For me, because I have multiple diagnosis it depends on what's going on and I just never know which disorder will happen.
And WOW! I'm so happy that you got a sleeper!
After reading what you wrote I believe that you have your head on really straight right now and it's so perfectly possible that you won't have any mental breakdowns.. Being aware of things and yourself as much as YOU is really one of the best ways to kind of get a grip when you feel a depression episode coming on.
One more comment-I know I have mental issues. However, don't let that diagnosis rule your life. You don't have to be what a shrink tells you that you are. Does that make sense? Have you seen the movie with Russel Crowe or read the book '; A Beautiful Mind';? True story and the book is better. But it's about realizing your limitations and taking control before you start sinking. I know you can do it. As soon as that depression starts giving you symptoms-go to your doctor and tell them before you get so far down.
I hope I'm making sense.
Oh and the alcoholic boyfriend is verbally abusing you. He sounds so cruel. If you have a serious diagnosis then you just cannot be around someone like that. I've been there. Get away girl. He will never change.
I am so happy for you. I'm also completely confident that you will be just fine and dandy with that new little sweet Angel. '
I feel like I wrote a lot about myself. too much. But that's my experience I'm sharing with you. I don't have any sources because it's all from my memory. I hope that's ok? It's what I know.
Please let me know how things are going. If you need anyone to vent to please send me an email.
But YOU GO GIRL! You are really a cool person and your baby is lucky to have YOU. Please get away from the boyfriend. If he is like that now think about what he might say or do to your baby. You and your child are so much better than that! You remind me of me. Our minds are just FRAGILE and should be treated with caring and lots of love and encouragement, not how you are being treated.
Ok, please keep me posted on things!!!! Jane08012005@yahoo.com
SarahJane
Now I'm rambling. I'm happy for you. Keep in touch if you would like.Chances of postnatal depression diminish with less intensive delivery?
Post natal depression is entirely dependant upon the woman's hormone levels. A woman my be more exhausted after a prolonged labour but that gets better with enought rest. Think of your hormone level like a giant elastic that took about 10 months to stretch. After the birth those levels begin to get back to their original state - and sometimes they snap back too quickly, causing real swings in mood. Almost every new Mom will have some post natal depression (the baby blues) that can come on within hours or a few months after giving birth. Sometimes it may only last for a few hours. Sometimes, women have it occur off and on a few times in the first 6 weeks or so (that's the most common). You can tell you're having it if you just feel really emotional once in a while - more emotional that the situation really calls for. But some women really suffer and have an incredibly hard time climbing out of that dark place. If that happens, there are definitely things your doctor can do.
I'm glad you're doing so well and thoroughly enjoying being a new Mommy. It's pretty amazing isn't it?
So, I was worried I'd fall into a postnatal depression and therefore wasn't looking forward to the birth, but when it turned out to be an emergency c-section I probably wasn't at all prepared for what would follow.
Sure I'd cried during and after my pregnancy, but when you deal with an alcoholic boyfriend who constantly tells you the baby isn't his and nothing you say gets through to him (during pregnancy, after our son was born he could see how much he looked like him, thank god), and see your baby losing almost half a kilo in a week because breastfeeding wasn't going well and none of the nursing staff was willing to feed him at least *something*, I've seen people break down for less.
Knowing my psychological history and what I've had to deal with, I honestly expected to fall into PND almost immediately, so much to my surprise I'm actually very content with my life. There's not an inch of depression coming up and at this point it doesn't seem like I will have depression at all, since those don't really come up acutely and build up for at least two years noticeably.
So what I am wondering, because I had an emergency c-section and the baby came out quickly it means I've had a less intensive delivery. At least it didn't feel intensive at all. I always imagine had I been in labour for an entire day, with the pain of delivery contractions prior to giving birth, experiencing it longer and intenser, would I have been more likely to get postnatal depression?
Are there statistics for this?
Or would you say that emergency invasive operations like a c-section cause a bigger chance of PND? Or would you say it depends on how the woman deals with either kind of delivery?Chances of postnatal depression diminish with less intensive delivery?
Wow, I really found your story so interesting.
I think....and this is just from memory, when I had my children who are now 14 %26amp; 18....that postpartum Depression has more to do with your body reacting to all the Hormones and everything else that changes when you are pregnant. Having another human being in your body really can drain you!
I don't think the actual birth process, easy, difficult, long or ER like you has much to do with it. Although certainly an easy birth (is there really such a thing?) would definitely make you feel happy and relieved at the time.
It sounds to me like you really have pulled yourself together. I have many ';diagnosis' of various mental disorders. My first baby I delivered was an extremely terrible and traumatic crisis. I won't go into all that but Thank God he was so very healthy-but I had to spend a week in the Hospital to recover and when i went home it took about a month for me to be able to go to the bathroom myself and I Had to have a nurse come to my house every day. Despite all my mental issues and the trauma of the birth, I never became depressed. I mean I had my crying moments because the sleep deprivation that a newborn will do to you is likely to bring out a mental meltdown. But I didn't have a real serious episode like I get from time to time now. Honestly I'm always exhibiting some kind of goofy symptoms. I guess the LOVE I felt for my children was so intense and new and wonderful that the mental issues kind of took a back seat and I was a great Mom.
My second baby-perfect delivery. He was healthy and I could walk and got back to normal in a day!
One thing I did experience, is my OCD really got out of control. My house was so clean because I didn't want a spec of dirt or anything touching the baby. but it drove me crazy because if I saw a pillow out of place i would almost start crying. My OCD is bad. I've had nervous type disorders since I was 5. I'm 41 now.
For me, because I have multiple diagnosis it depends on what's going on and I just never know which disorder will happen.
And WOW! I'm so happy that you got a sleeper!
After reading what you wrote I believe that you have your head on really straight right now and it's so perfectly possible that you won't have any mental breakdowns.. Being aware of things and yourself as much as YOU is really one of the best ways to kind of get a grip when you feel a depression episode coming on.
One more comment-I know I have mental issues. However, don't let that diagnosis rule your life. You don't have to be what a shrink tells you that you are. Does that make sense? Have you seen the movie with Russel Crowe or read the book '; A Beautiful Mind';? True story and the book is better. But it's about realizing your limitations and taking control before you start sinking. I know you can do it. As soon as that depression starts giving you symptoms-go to your doctor and tell them before you get so far down.
I hope I'm making sense.
Oh and the alcoholic boyfriend is verbally abusing you. He sounds so cruel. If you have a serious diagnosis then you just cannot be around someone like that. I've been there. Get away girl. He will never change.
I am so happy for you. I'm also completely confident that you will be just fine and dandy with that new little sweet Angel. '
I feel like I wrote a lot about myself. too much. But that's my experience I'm sharing with you. I don't have any sources because it's all from my memory. I hope that's ok? It's what I know.
Please let me know how things are going. If you need anyone to vent to please send me an email.
But YOU GO GIRL! You are really a cool person and your baby is lucky to have YOU. Please get away from the boyfriend. If he is like that now think about what he might say or do to your baby. You and your child are so much better than that! You remind me of me. Our minds are just FRAGILE and should be treated with caring and lots of love and encouragement, not how you are being treated.
Ok, please keep me posted on things!!!! Jane08012005@yahoo.com
SarahJane
Now I'm rambling. I'm happy for you. Keep in touch if you would like.Chances of postnatal depression diminish with less intensive delivery?
Post natal depression is entirely dependant upon the woman's hormone levels. A woman my be more exhausted after a prolonged labour but that gets better with enought rest. Think of your hormone level like a giant elastic that took about 10 months to stretch. After the birth those levels begin to get back to their original state - and sometimes they snap back too quickly, causing real swings in mood. Almost every new Mom will have some post natal depression (the baby blues) that can come on within hours or a few months after giving birth. Sometimes it may only last for a few hours. Sometimes, women have it occur off and on a few times in the first 6 weeks or so (that's the most common). You can tell you're having it if you just feel really emotional once in a while - more emotional that the situation really calls for. But some women really suffer and have an incredibly hard time climbing out of that dark place. If that happens, there are definitely things your doctor can do.
I'm glad you're doing so well and thoroughly enjoying being a new Mommy. It's pretty amazing isn't it?
**********PLEASE TELL ME IF MY STORY IS GOOD SO FAR*********?
It was a regular Sunday morning for Gretchen Fields: wake up, turn on the T.V, grab a bowl of cheerios, and slump around in her pj’s the rest of the morning. In the middle of Tom and Jerry’s adventurous feud, she heard a knock at the door. That was unusual. No one had come to visit Gretchen and her dad since the split. Well, except her grandmother Gracey, that old witch was always trying to plan her future. She hopped up and threw her bowl in the sink. She was hesitant on opening the door. She peeked through the peek hole. There was a man; a tall man in a black suit and blue tie. Very formal I guess if it weren’t for that cheesy haircut and 1980’s dress shoes. Maybe he had the wrong apartment number. She would’ve screamed through the door that he had the wrong apartment number to avoid the awkwardness of telling him face-to-face. But she didn’t want to wake up her dad. Ever since the divorce, he had been too drunk to ever care of his surroundings. Eventually, she opened the door. Apparently, the man was a lawyer. He started saying business-y lawyer crap she didn’t understand. Finally, after all the jabber and confidential contract crud, he asked for a parent or guardian. Nervousness swept over her body. She hoped her dad wasn’t still drunk from last night’s club hopping. She grabbed her music box her mom had given her before she left, from the coffee table. Inside was a pair of golden keys to her dad’s bedroom. She snatched up the keys and headed for the hallway. She twisted the keys in the knob and yanked the door open. Her dad was lying in bed (as usual). He had the tele turned on HSN, the shopping channel. Not normal but she could deal. She threw the keys at the headboard expecting the all so familiar drunken groan, but instead a slight movement and then a cheerful “good morning darling!” followed by a bright smile. Was that the same depressed father she had known all her life? The Patrick Fields that was lazy and always had to have a glass of beer in his hand? At that moment, she had forgotten the reason she had come into her father’s room in the first place. So she walked back in the cozy living room and saw the cold, hard-faced man on the couch enjoying a snickers bar. She hadn’t remembered letting him in though. She couldn’t move. Like her feet were glued to the floor. Dazed or daydreaming. Daydreaming. That’s when she woke up. She must have been in that red minivan for hours, or at least that’s what it felt like. It was another flashback. A painful flashback of what was. Of what used to be. Why had they taken her away? Her dad was fine. He was not an alcoholic. He was just stressed and liked to have his occasional beers or vodka; and sometimes even both. She still remembered the harsh words the tall lawyer had spoken: “unstable, demanding, useless, and uncaring.” I guess it was destined to be, especially with a drug dealing mom and “alcoholic” dad. The driver lady at the front asked Gretchen if she needed a potty break. The lady up front had fiery red hair and gigantic boobs. Not usually the type of girl you would see driving a minivan. Gretchen took advantage of the offer and said yes. Maybe if she got some fresh air and a red bull, she could get her thoughts straight. They stopped at a nearby gas station. It had the stench of popcorn, smoke, and gas. It reminded her of the streets of New York. How she missed the familiar lights and busy cars. She missed the stray cats and business men and women rushing to their jobs in cabs or subways. “Just forget” Gretchen kept telling herself. But it was too hard. She was a city girl, not a country girl from an Alabama foster home. She had never met her foster parents, but she heard them over the phone once. They seemed so fake. Like those perfect little families you would see on T.V. Like the Brady Bunch or Cosby Show. Her dad said they were probably just nervous. Gretchen thinks that they’re boring. One of those families that spend their Saturday nights watching reruns on T.V land. She jogged into the small stop-n-shop. She grabbed a sugar-free red bull and a pack of sour gummy worms. The snacks read $7.75. She pulled a 50 dollar bill out of her pocket and now she had a jumble of ones left over. They wouldn’t all fit in her pocket so she stuffed the leftovers in her bra when she didn’t think anyone was looking. But there was another teen around her age. He was probably 15 or so. He gave her a weird look and all she could do was blush and smile. Stupid cashier, the store had to have 10s or at least 5s. She rushed back to the van still red from embarrassment. They took off from the gas station and were back on the road. CAUTION, DEER CROSSING, LOW TREES, YEILD, DEAD END. Those were the signs Gretchen was now seeing. “Must be getting close” she thought as ugly 3 flats started to appear out of the window. Gretchen was about to doze off until her phone started vibrating in her pocket. There was a new text. It was from her BFF, Jessica. Ever since last Saturday**********PLEASE TELL ME IF MY STORY IS GOOD SO FAR*********?
Awesome! but what is it about? could you tell me? Is it like a love story or a tragic or a mix of both or a horror? personally i love love stories. im writing one right now. might think about getting it published. but seriously, intriguing story. please continue writing. i would love to find out more about it. im even considering continuing the story from my own imagination. i hope thats alright. its only for pleasure anyway.
Overall:
Love it but its kinda confusing cuz its not grouped in paragraphs. Continue writing on it!**********PLEASE TELL ME IF MY STORY IS GOOD SO FAR*********?
btw guys,i thinking of making this story a novel.i havent quite made up the title and like the um..whats the word..BASE of the story.it might be a tragic romance.idk,its just something ive decided to do on my spare time.but again, thanx for all of the help.remember the name a.williams,ill be famous.
so far, it's good,.. pls continue :-)
btw, is it a novel? or a short story? :-)
Awesome I love this story plz continue
(others){ja ja]
No separation in paragraphs. Is this just ONE idea? Too tiring to read it all. Sorry.
A great story must have few words.
Good story. It's going at a fast pace, but I would separate it into paragraphs to make it easier to read for everyone. I would also try to throw in some dialogue, because otherwise your story will be like the random thoughts of the main character and a narrator wrote a story together.
Awesome! but what is it about? could you tell me? Is it like a love story or a tragic or a mix of both or a horror? personally i love love stories. im writing one right now. might think about getting it published. but seriously, intriguing story. please continue writing. i would love to find out more about it. im even considering continuing the story from my own imagination. i hope thats alright. its only for pleasure anyway.
Overall:
Love it but its kinda confusing cuz its not grouped in paragraphs. Continue writing on it!**********PLEASE TELL ME IF MY STORY IS GOOD SO FAR*********?
btw guys,i thinking of making this story a novel.i havent quite made up the title and like the um..whats the word..BASE of the story.it might be a tragic romance.idk,its just something ive decided to do on my spare time.but again, thanx for all of the help.remember the name a.williams,ill be famous.
Report Abuse
so far, it's good,.. pls continue :-)
btw, is it a novel? or a short story? :-)
Awesome I love this story plz continue
(others){ja ja]
No separation in paragraphs. Is this just ONE idea? Too tiring to read it all. Sorry.
A great story must have few words.
Good story. It's going at a fast pace, but I would separate it into paragraphs to make it easier to read for everyone. I would also try to throw in some dialogue, because otherwise your story will be like the random thoughts of the main character and a narrator wrote a story together.
How do i help her help her self?
so my boyfriend of 3yr's mom is an alcoholic.. she is an amazing person, nice, giving, friendly(honestly will talk to anyone), Curtious, truthful (even when it hurts), etc. but has had a troubleling past with abuse physical and mentally which lead her to drinking... last labor day.. she said that she that was the last day of her drinking... she was gonna cut cold turkey, she already talked to her dr. and was going to group/one on one meetings to help her.. well after a month we found out she was sneaking beer when no one was home... or when she thought we weren't looking.. she hid them in her bathroom, and drank from a Styrofoam cup w/ lid (we couldn't see threw).. then on her birthday.. yestureday... she said that she wanted to have a few drinks b/c it was her b-day (she doesnt know that we know she drank before this day) so she bought the beer... not 1 six pack but 2 wich means she planed on drinking 12... wich up set me b/c i hate to see her put her self threw this.. she did so well and now it is back to step one... i understand her relapsing is normal and i knew it would happen.. but after watching her take beer after beer yesterday... and then seeing her pass out while we were watching a movie... i heard her opening a can in her bedroom today :( it tear's me up inside and i know it is hurting her kids.. they dont know she drank to day tho.. by bf was at work and i took the brothers out to the store and stuff... i wrote her a letter... just telling her that were here for her. and that it hurts me that she is sneaking around and lieing to us.../ not trusting us so she can confide in us... and let her know how much it is hurting the boys... she is not a bad drunk as in violent.. she is annoying but not bad... our main concern is that it is killing her.. u can see it...taking a toll on her... so i just need some suggestions/ advise...
have u ever had to deal with an alcoholic or were you one...
how'd u get over it?/ deal with it?How do i help her help her self?
Ok, so you already know that she is in a relapse, and that relapsing for an alcoholic is not unusual. The thing that she needs to realize is that ANY relapse is unacceptable.
Once an alcoholic makes the decision to go down the path to recovery, there are no acceptable excuses for relapsing like ';it's my birthday'; If she is truly working on her recovery then she knows that there are alternative ways to celebrate her birthday. Ones that don't ruin her special day for everyone else.
The lies, and all of the secrecy about her current bout with drinking is caused by her feelings of shame. The only reason I can see why she thought it was OK to drink openly on her birthday was because she must have fooled herself into thinking you and the others around her would buy in to her story about only drinking on her birthday.
Everyone keeping quiet about it is enabling her to kid herself into believing that her covert tactics are working.
I too have lived through your situation watching someone who I really cared about (my wife)destroy herself with her drinking.
When I caught her in her lies, and confronted her with it, she only got angry and simply changed her tactics. I called it ';driving her deeper underground'; .
The thing is I knew when she was drinking, so I didn't need to catch her at anything like hiding her bottles, or her lies because I knew the one and only truth that mattered at the time was that she was drunk.
I tried all of the usual stuff that we all try. Like having heart-to-heart talks with her, writing letters, begging, crying and pleading.
This went on over a period of about a decade until I decided I had enough, and told her that if she didn't agree to go into serious treatment that I was finished with our marriage, if all I had to look forward to was more of the same as we had in the last 10 years.
She went into a treatment centre for almost a month. She came through it almost 5 years ago and she hasn't touched a drop since.
As for me, I realized that living, and trying to manage an alcoholic for more than a decade had taken it's toll. Suddenly I had no reason to keep checking on her to see what part of the house she had passed out in, how much she had drank that night, or see if she had left the stove on, or lit a candle or something else dangerous that might kill us both in our sleep.
I too was lost, :-(
I am telling you my story because I want to try to save you the trouble I found myself in when I tried to ';help her help herself';.
I eventually learned that there really is only one person who can help my wife with her addiction, and that is herself.
SHE had to make the decision to go into treatment. Yes I gave her an incentive, but if she didn't go willingly then the treatment wouldn't have had much of an effect.
If your bf's mom is actually going to a group, then she needs to let them know that she has been relapsing so that she can get the level of support that she needs from them. It's called ';working her recovery programme';. If all she's doing is putting up a smoke screen in front of her drinking, by lying to her family, and to her support group then she is working a programme alright, but it isn't for recovery.
She's behaving this way because she really isn't ready to stop drinking. This little game she is playing with you right now is simply to shut everyone up about it, so she can go back to doing what she wants in peace.
Try not to tear yourself up about this if you can help it, because then you end up with more than one victim from her disease.
There is a book that you NEED to read. It's called ';Co-Dependant No More'; by Melodie Beatty. It will give you all of the coping tools you will need, so that you are ready to deal with whatever your bf's mom has to throw at you with her illness.
I discovered that I had much to learn if I was going to survive living with an alcoholic, and this book turned out to be the best place to start.How do i help her help her self?
i tried to help a friend with the drinking thing, but she really gave me a hard time. The alcoholic has to WANT TO STOP or no one can help them.
A family and friend intervention.
have u ever had to deal with an alcoholic or were you one...
how'd u get over it?/ deal with it?How do i help her help her self?
Ok, so you already know that she is in a relapse, and that relapsing for an alcoholic is not unusual. The thing that she needs to realize is that ANY relapse is unacceptable.
Once an alcoholic makes the decision to go down the path to recovery, there are no acceptable excuses for relapsing like ';it's my birthday'; If she is truly working on her recovery then she knows that there are alternative ways to celebrate her birthday. Ones that don't ruin her special day for everyone else.
The lies, and all of the secrecy about her current bout with drinking is caused by her feelings of shame. The only reason I can see why she thought it was OK to drink openly on her birthday was because she must have fooled herself into thinking you and the others around her would buy in to her story about only drinking on her birthday.
Everyone keeping quiet about it is enabling her to kid herself into believing that her covert tactics are working.
I too have lived through your situation watching someone who I really cared about (my wife)destroy herself with her drinking.
When I caught her in her lies, and confronted her with it, she only got angry and simply changed her tactics. I called it ';driving her deeper underground'; .
The thing is I knew when she was drinking, so I didn't need to catch her at anything like hiding her bottles, or her lies because I knew the one and only truth that mattered at the time was that she was drunk.
I tried all of the usual stuff that we all try. Like having heart-to-heart talks with her, writing letters, begging, crying and pleading.
This went on over a period of about a decade until I decided I had enough, and told her that if she didn't agree to go into serious treatment that I was finished with our marriage, if all I had to look forward to was more of the same as we had in the last 10 years.
She went into a treatment centre for almost a month. She came through it almost 5 years ago and she hasn't touched a drop since.
As for me, I realized that living, and trying to manage an alcoholic for more than a decade had taken it's toll. Suddenly I had no reason to keep checking on her to see what part of the house she had passed out in, how much she had drank that night, or see if she had left the stove on, or lit a candle or something else dangerous that might kill us both in our sleep.
I too was lost, :-(
I am telling you my story because I want to try to save you the trouble I found myself in when I tried to ';help her help herself';.
I eventually learned that there really is only one person who can help my wife with her addiction, and that is herself.
SHE had to make the decision to go into treatment. Yes I gave her an incentive, but if she didn't go willingly then the treatment wouldn't have had much of an effect.
If your bf's mom is actually going to a group, then she needs to let them know that she has been relapsing so that she can get the level of support that she needs from them. It's called ';working her recovery programme';. If all she's doing is putting up a smoke screen in front of her drinking, by lying to her family, and to her support group then she is working a programme alright, but it isn't for recovery.
She's behaving this way because she really isn't ready to stop drinking. This little game she is playing with you right now is simply to shut everyone up about it, so she can go back to doing what she wants in peace.
Try not to tear yourself up about this if you can help it, because then you end up with more than one victim from her disease.
There is a book that you NEED to read. It's called ';Co-Dependant No More'; by Melodie Beatty. It will give you all of the coping tools you will need, so that you are ready to deal with whatever your bf's mom has to throw at you with her illness.
I discovered that I had much to learn if I was going to survive living with an alcoholic, and this book turned out to be the best place to start.How do i help her help her self?
i tried to help a friend with the drinking thing, but she really gave me a hard time. The alcoholic has to WANT TO STOP or no one can help them.
A family and friend intervention.
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