How do you let someone who has a past drinking problem finally make their own decisions when your married?

and you have everything to lose together? I don't want to be the one telling him not to anymore.



I don't want to fight over it anymore.



I do want to find myself again. I am so wrapped up in him, I don't know who I am anymore.



To those who have dealt with an alcoholic what helped you get passed it?How do you let someone who has a past drinking problem finally make their own decisions when your married?
You have to be strong - you can tell him that yes! he can have that beer - but in having that beer, he is in danger of losing you - so he has a choice to make - have the beer, or lose his wife - quite a tough decision.



Obviously, if he starts having a beer, he could go back into the alcoholism again - you certainly don't want nor need that.



I am quite concerned about you being so wrapped up in him - and the fact that you don't know who you are anymore.

That isn't good - you need to find out who you are and where you stand in this marriage- and you have to prepare yourself in case he makes the wrong choice - beer.



Good Luck!How do you let someone who has a past drinking problem finally make their own decisions when your married?
I can honestly tell you that you are going to have problems after that first beer. My husband is a recovering alcoholic and we have been through rehab and everything. When he wants to drink he wants to be with me but when he wants to be sober he doesn't have a need for me. I am telling you this because my husband started off just wanting a taste of liquor. I can tell you that one shot turned into two and a pint turned into a fifth and that turned into a half of gallon. If he has the one drink it is going to be hard especially for a recovering alcoholic to quit. My husband left me about 2 months ago and this is how it started it started with him making all of his own decisions because mines weren't good enough because he was the man and I didn't make him feel like that so he say. It is best that you continue to encourage him not to drink and even though it is not guaranteed to work because he does have his own mind be prepared to get ready to go through some tough times. Another thing look for local Al-Anon meetings. I attended it helped me deal with my husband because the program will help let you know that it is his problem and not yours not only that it will also teach you that we sometimes can be enablers and it makes them not like us because of us being willing to accept the drinking. Just attend one and I promise it will help because it help make you really understand what they are going through but it helps you keep control of you while they are going through. GOOD LUCK!!!
Go to AlAnon to learn how to cope with his problem. It's a significant, present day problem when he wants to drink now. Trust him when he's going to AA, has a sponsor he talks to every day or many times a week, and he sounds like he's working on sobriety, not relapse.



I hope for your sake that you aren't married to this man.



EDIT: DO NOT tell an alcoholic to drink. He's already looking for any excuse. Say, ';What did your sponsor tell you to do? Have you read the Big Book today? Have you talked to another alcoholic? Have you been to a meeting today? Would you like me to go to one with you?';



If you're tired of feeling responsible for his sobriety, leave him.