I can't talk to my mother, my father, or either of my sisters (they both have schizophrenia) about any of this and my friends can only support me; they don't know what I should do. I do not want to become depressed or develop anxiety thinking that things will never get better. I feel completely helpless at this point. I should be starting my own life, but this causes me so much worry and anxiety.
Is there anything (besides waiting) that I can do to see my mom/family get better?How do I deal with a stubborn, manipulative, hoarding, alcoholic mother? I don't know what to do anymore.?
Your family is only going to get better ,when they accept the fact that they need help....you telling them to get some help isn't going to work as they don't see it that way....so I would get on with my life and if you feel guilty about this situation...then don't go to their home.How do I deal with a stubborn, manipulative, hoarding, alcoholic mother? I don't know what to do anymore.?
Family therapy.
either take them to a therapist or move out.
I DONT KNOW, SORRY, I FEEL FOR YOU THOUGH.
ahh...why are you waiting for something to happen, when you know it won't.....live your life for yourself...they aren't going to change and you can't make them.
Call the health dept, get them to a Dr and get them on some meds...they need help, but you really can't force them to do it..they're adults.
You pack your trash, find a place about three thousand miles from these people, and go there to begin a life without all the pressure, guilt, and whatever else they have handed you over the years. You don't need to put up with this behavior. You have a life of your own to live. I bet with all the idiosyncrasies, they wouldn't miss you at all. There isn't a thing you can do for people that won't admit there is a problem, and you can't (CAN';T) fix it. You deserve to live well. Start taking care of your life and leave their's alone.
Why can't you talk to your father? Has your mother been under treatment for this? I'm assuming your sisters are, as schizophrenia isn't something one diagnoses oneself.
You do need to start your own life, regardless of your parents' issues. You can't change people- you can offer to help, you can intervene if they're about to hurt themselves, but ultimately we are all responsible for ourselves. If there is no threat of imminent harm (fire, bills unpaid, dead animals lying around) I don't know that you can do much to intervene.
I know it'd seem easy to forget about your mother, but the best thing to do would be to put in her in a good detox/rehab program. Also, family therapy, and I hope sisters take meds.. You can slowly start helping to clean around the house and eventually..hopefully...things will be back to normal. It will take awhile though, be patient and strong.
I hate to say this but you might need to contact someone with the state mental health center. Hoarding is a serious mental condition not to mention a health hazard as well. Do not give up. You are completely within your rights to feel the way that you do.
Therapy with your father and sisters and together try to get your mother into her own therapy/detox/rehab. Good Luck *Hugs*
waiting will make it worse......i don't know what actions you can take except trying to get your sisters some help. That may not be the biggest issue for you but that's where I'd start. As far as the hoarding and alcoholism goes, you can't change anyone unless they agree to change. Start by getting your father on your side (if you can) and arrange an intervention. Invite everyone that's important to her.........her parents (if alive) her siblings, any close friends, etc. But all have to be on board including your sisters. Tell her what it's doing to you and her family (and the house.) If you can get some of the clutter out of the house that would be a start. I'd think her mindset would change if she could let go (even if symbolically) of the crap that she's been holding onto for so many years. Either way, try to help your sisters in any way you can.
First your mom is never going to get better unless she gives up drinking all together. I am sorry your family has so many problems but you would be surprised to know how many people in this world do have mental illness.
My moms house is the same way she does not drink but does have depression and wont get rid of anything. her house is dirty and smells. For a long time It bugged me like it does you. I use to go there and try to help clean it up but she refused to throw away anything so i was just moving it from one room to another. and i would sweep mop ect and go back a week later and it was rite back the way it was.
This is what I did. I learned that I am responsible for myself and my actions only. I learned that you can not make people change. And I learned to let go.
I tell myself on my way to my moms that this is the way she chooses to live ( because this is a choice ) And then I tell myself that I love my mom and all i can do is be here for her if she ever does decide to change. and if not then love her the way she is.
If you cant do this then walk away. I know it sound mean but like you said you are starting your life. you have to make the choices that make you feel good about living . and you only need to please you. If you keep stressing out over all your moms mistakes before you know it you will have no order or control over your own life and your health will be affected by it.
Step back and either support and love her or wash your hands walk away knowing that you tried. and make your self happy and healthy...
Good luck..
Contact A%26amp;E and get them on the Hoarders show to get help
So sorry for what your going through.
Maybe you can join Al anon for some support at least in the alcohol aspect. I know thereare many support groups as well for hoarding.
Move out. You have been living there too long anyways.
Her stuff - her house - her lifestyle
unless she is a danger to the health and safety of either herself or other in which case you could petition the court for custody and have her committed to an institution - you let her be
The solution is to seek professional help for your family and for you to find support from others going through the same thing. This organization may be of help to you:
Children of Compulsive Hoarders
http://www.childrenofhoarders.com/bindex.php
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