I think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?

I'm 17 and I have depression and social anxiety. I've dealt with an alcoholic dad who abused my mom and other family problems. I have no friends because I'm too scared to talk to them. A lot of kids rejected me when I was younger because I'm quiet. Some of them would tell me they wouldn't want me around. I got picked on a lot. Even in my last year of high school I'm still dealing with it.



I think a lot about others and how much pain they are in. As a male, I feel very inferior to women. The reason is that they can have children and it must be painful and uncomfortable to deal with periods every month. It makes me feel like I'm worthless. I keep having thoughts about cutting myself across the stomach just so I can have a small idea of what it's about. Even then I still wouldn't know. I think that because I'm a male, I have no right to complain. I grew up primarily around women and I thought about how teachers in schools always sided with the girls.



Then I think about people in other countries who are suffering. Some have no food and die everyday. Some can't even afford pencils or even the right to an identity. I even think about innocent people who are killed or tortured by serial killers. All of this just makes me want to harm myself all over. Only reason I haven't done it yet is becuse I'm around my family all the time and we are very dysfuntional. I'm afraid to try anything right now. I feel that once I leave, I may have to take a butcher knife and mark myself.



I also constantly have thoughts of killing myself. In these thoughts, I think about different ways to do it. Either hanging myself or shooting myself or even sacrificing myself to save everyone else. In every scenario nobody really cares. They wouldn't even know I was gone since they don't even know who I am. Even if they do know me, it wouldn't make a difference to them. I've been getting counselling, but these thoughts are so overwhelming. I don't know what to do. I feel like I deserve to suffer is what I'm saying.I think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
There is a disorder, where people are 'self cutters'. It is when people cut themselves to feel the pain externally that they feel internally. It is a release to them. It usually comes with some type of OCD- which can contribute to your instrusive and repetitive thoughts.



You also have dealt with a lot of negativity and mental anguish around you. You don't have to be 'the most abused person in the world' to feel wounded or sad that these things have happened to you. Yes, there are worse things in life, but that doesn't mean you have to feel guilty for feeling for your own situation.



Your compassion for woman and your ability to see outside of yourself is a reason itself to live. There needs to be more caring, and concerned people in this world. And you are that.



Brings these things to the attention of your therapist-- ASAP



You need to let your therapist know that you are in serious need of attention!



If you are too shy to say it, than print out what you wrote here and give it to your therapist.

Along with our answers.



I PROMISE you that one day in your future you will be happy to be alive. You will experience or feel SOMETHING that will make you say to yourself ';thank God I am here for this.';



I know from experience.



Best wishes for you, and please keep writing to let us know how you are.I think about hurting myself all the time. What do I do?
get professional help before you end up killing yourself by accident,like my friend did.
You sound like a good person going bad and confused.PLEASE DON'T HURT YOURSELF OR ANYONE IN ANY WAY AT ALL PLEASE I BEG YOU I BEGGG YOU.I'm going to pray for you.I'm going to ask god to help you and that you tell your concelor everything that you just wrote on the question page.You're a GOOD person and have to realize that GOOD people don't do things like that.EVERYONE YOU KNOW LOVES YOU NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU THINK THEY DONT THEY DOOOOOOO I PROMISE YOU THAT THEY DO.PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!!! I suffer from the same thing :Depression and anxiety and psychosis.I have to deal with it every day.It's ok to have those problems.And you're life can't possibly be too good if you are having suicidal thoughts.I don't even know you and I LOVE YOU as a friend already!! I PROMISE I do.You just have to PRAY EVERY SECOUND YOU GET THE CHANCE.email me to let me know how you're doing please.



(Fater god please take care of this young innocent soul...)
I understand you and im a girl and you are not inferior to women at all you are unique, I am like you I feel that no one likes me and I also think lots about other people pain but every body pain whether it is a child who cuts its knee of someone dying from the affects of cancer, every body's problem is sufficient enough for them and sometimes even too much. You sound like a really loving person as i Sense and it is unfortunate for others who do not want to know you.



there is a brighter day for you soon

just hold a little longer.

never give.

ill say a pray for you to calm you tonight.

Bone.
It's okay, hon. Everybody has problems, no matter what situation their in. I'm going to start off by saying that you can talk to me, okay? I'll listen to you because for some people it helps. Sure, there are some people that have been killed, and women do go through childbirth and all that but in all honesty you shouldn't have to worry about them. You should worry about you. And no one cares? I care. I hate seeing anybody like this and that includes you. My email Is Big_Bad_Wolf3456@yahoo.com



(It's a bit of a lame name, right? lol).



But you DO NOT deserve to suffer, nobody does.