I'm wondering if any of you have encountered this or have had a similar issue. My Uncle has been an off and on drinker, he fought in Vietnam and never returned the same. He is cool when he's not drunk, but, once his repressed memories come about he goes in a binge of drinking. He is taking certain medications and stuff, but, I guess he's not taking it.
Me and my family have dealt with this several times, he'll stop for a while then go drinking again. We have helped him plenty of times, but, they say ';those can only help themselves'; still, the the thought of a loved one being out and about in a drunken state is something we all think about even when we try not to. My Uncle is in his 60's and can't be doing this, although I mean family can only do so much sometimes.
So, do any of you deal with this any success stories? Any way of helping people like this out? I mean, we've tried the ';shrink,'; medications, family interventions, even rehab. He was sober for 15 years, then as recently as 1 year he's been ';on and off'; drinking because of these repressed memories and other stuff that makes him feel bad.How do you deal with a post traumatic syndrome Uncle who is an alcoholic?
Take the focus off of him, or even the family, and place it on yourself. Vietnam was a long time ago. Your family has had plenty of time to pass from helping him out to a prolonged codependency cycle. I am guessing you grew up with it. You need to heal.
This detachment doesn't suggest going callous in regards to your uncle's pain. It means caring about yourself enough to heal and having the confidence that your uncle has the ability to make his own decisions.How do you deal with a post traumatic syndrome Uncle who is an alcoholic?
He's got to decide to change his life on his own since at this stage he probably already knows about the negative consequences of his drinking.
I would guess that he's reached the point where he just doesn't really care and there is nothing you guys can do about it unless you all can afford to physically institutionalize him for treatment.
We had an uncle like that and his son, my cousin, who is wealthy couldn't do anything to stop his dad from drinking no matter what he tried. This went on until they discovered my uncle had been dead in a house four days after a heart attack.
I do wish you guys well
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Losing patience with my (alcoholic) mom?
Ok, well.. I need some advice from those of you who grew up in alcoholic homes... How did you deal with your mother/father when they were drunk (also when they were'nt drunk) Because today I lost all the patience I had with my mom, and I need some tips/advice on how to get it back.
If you need some more info. for whatever reason, you can just ask =)
thanks everyone :)Losing patience with my (alcoholic) mom?
I agree with the second person, I think they have to want to stop. And I think that it could be a good idea for you to talk to your school counselor or something? I know you're not the one with the alcoholic problem but it affects everyone who is close to your mum and it could be good for you to just talk to someone unrelated to the problem, and let out how you're feeling? Then you might be in a better position to deal with your mum 'cause you wont be so frustrated from having everything built up inside you.
I can imagine it must be a really hard situation to be in, I hope it gets better. Keep smiling hun :-)Losing patience with my (alcoholic) mom?
I may not have grown up in an alcoholic home, but i had a very bad alcoholic ex-husband.
They need to want to stop drinking. Thay have to want to get help on there own. I was once told that he would actually have to hit rock bottom , meaning lose everything even his family before he might realize that his problem was as bad as it was. I feel for you. I am saddened for you. and if ya ever need to talk, send me an email.
There are groups out there like Al-Anon and others that are geared towards the family members of alcoholics. You really should check it out. You don't mention your age, but if you're in school you can ask your guidance counselors about resources.
Get on top of it now because it won't get better on its own. God bless
I didn't grow up in an alcoholic home, but my mom did. Her dad (my grandpa) was an alcoholic. My mom went through some pretty hard stuff because of his problem. They had to deal with things like him showing up to parties drunk. One day, my grandma threatened to leave him, and that's when he in rolled into an A.A. program. You should talk to a responsible adult about this. Best of wishes!
My mom has been an alcoholic my whole life. I'm 14 years old and have been emotionally and physically abused in the past. I am older and tougher now so my mom knows not to mess with me and if she does she knows I can defend myself quite well. Whatever you do, do not talk to counselors at your school. This has made problems way worse for me in the past. I have been to court over 10 times with my dad's assistance with trying to get my mom into rehab. It has never worked. Also, at one time I had been abused by my mom so much that I called my dad (my parents are divorced) and told him to call the police (it was a special number given to us by Child Protection Services). When the police arrived, they interviewed both me and my mom. I had cuts and bruises all over me from what she did but she lied to them and said I had psychological issues. They ended up handcuffing my and taking me to a mental hospital to be psychologically evaluated (they found nothing was wrong with me). I am still angry at her because of this because it will always be on my record. I'm not sure how old you are, but I would suggest you deal with it as much as possible. I have been in situations when my mom is drunk and she gets mad at me over something really stupid and dumb and will not let me do certain things. It's really tough to deal with sometimes. Just take responsibility for yourself as much as possible. Try to avoid your mom. Im sure she loves you (and you probably love her), but she doesnt deserve you right now. When you are 18, hopefully you will be able to move out and wont be forced to deal with her unless you feel like it. Good luck!
deal with it.
If you need some more info. for whatever reason, you can just ask =)
thanks everyone :)Losing patience with my (alcoholic) mom?
I agree with the second person, I think they have to want to stop. And I think that it could be a good idea for you to talk to your school counselor or something? I know you're not the one with the alcoholic problem but it affects everyone who is close to your mum and it could be good for you to just talk to someone unrelated to the problem, and let out how you're feeling? Then you might be in a better position to deal with your mum 'cause you wont be so frustrated from having everything built up inside you.
I can imagine it must be a really hard situation to be in, I hope it gets better. Keep smiling hun :-)Losing patience with my (alcoholic) mom?
I may not have grown up in an alcoholic home, but i had a very bad alcoholic ex-husband.
They need to want to stop drinking. Thay have to want to get help on there own. I was once told that he would actually have to hit rock bottom , meaning lose everything even his family before he might realize that his problem was as bad as it was. I feel for you. I am saddened for you. and if ya ever need to talk, send me an email.
There are groups out there like Al-Anon and others that are geared towards the family members of alcoholics. You really should check it out. You don't mention your age, but if you're in school you can ask your guidance counselors about resources.
Get on top of it now because it won't get better on its own. God bless
I didn't grow up in an alcoholic home, but my mom did. Her dad (my grandpa) was an alcoholic. My mom went through some pretty hard stuff because of his problem. They had to deal with things like him showing up to parties drunk. One day, my grandma threatened to leave him, and that's when he in rolled into an A.A. program. You should talk to a responsible adult about this. Best of wishes!
My mom has been an alcoholic my whole life. I'm 14 years old and have been emotionally and physically abused in the past. I am older and tougher now so my mom knows not to mess with me and if she does she knows I can defend myself quite well. Whatever you do, do not talk to counselors at your school. This has made problems way worse for me in the past. I have been to court over 10 times with my dad's assistance with trying to get my mom into rehab. It has never worked. Also, at one time I had been abused by my mom so much that I called my dad (my parents are divorced) and told him to call the police (it was a special number given to us by Child Protection Services). When the police arrived, they interviewed both me and my mom. I had cuts and bruises all over me from what she did but she lied to them and said I had psychological issues. They ended up handcuffing my and taking me to a mental hospital to be psychologically evaluated (they found nothing was wrong with me). I am still angry at her because of this because it will always be on my record. I'm not sure how old you are, but I would suggest you deal with it as much as possible. I have been in situations when my mom is drunk and she gets mad at me over something really stupid and dumb and will not let me do certain things. It's really tough to deal with sometimes. Just take responsibility for yourself as much as possible. Try to avoid your mom. Im sure she loves you (and you probably love her), but she doesnt deserve you right now. When you are 18, hopefully you will be able to move out and wont be forced to deal with her unless you feel like it. Good luck!
deal with it.
How do you deal with a spouse who has an eating disorder?
My husband has an eating disorder. He over eats. He doesn't make himself barf or anything like that. He complains that he is 315+ pounds but sits in front of the computer all day and eats and games. I have talked to him about this and other matters. I know he's depressed. I know he has issues. I have tried to talk to him, I have to hide some goodies from him, although I mostly buy healthy foods, i do on occassion buy goodies.
How can I deal with this? It's not like he's an alcoholic and he can stop and keep living. We all need food to live... but he can't control himself.
He doesn't eat a lot in front of others and tells people he doesn't eat a lot, but when we all go to bed and he's gaming until 3am, he'll eat a whole package of cookies or twinkies or something, if he finds it all. Even a whole package of crackers if he can't find the sweets.
I don't know what to do for him anymore. It's not like he's a kid and I can control his portions etc, he's in his 30s!!!!How do you deal with a spouse who has an eating disorder?
Unfortunately, there's not much you can do until he decides he has a problem and wants to change.How do you deal with a spouse who has an eating disorder?
Talk to him more-- have more quality time with him. Join a gym or just exercise outside with him. It's not for appearances-- it's for his health the rest of his life. Talk it out with him-- explain that one of the reasons you got married is because you can grow that way in love and encouragement. Tell him that he is beautiful to you, and that nothing will ever change that. Explain to him that you are worried about his health risks. People with eating disorders oftimes just need to be held and reassured. Good luck!
How can I deal with this? It's not like he's an alcoholic and he can stop and keep living. We all need food to live... but he can't control himself.
He doesn't eat a lot in front of others and tells people he doesn't eat a lot, but when we all go to bed and he's gaming until 3am, he'll eat a whole package of cookies or twinkies or something, if he finds it all. Even a whole package of crackers if he can't find the sweets.
I don't know what to do for him anymore. It's not like he's a kid and I can control his portions etc, he's in his 30s!!!!How do you deal with a spouse who has an eating disorder?
Unfortunately, there's not much you can do until he decides he has a problem and wants to change.How do you deal with a spouse who has an eating disorder?
Talk to him more-- have more quality time with him. Join a gym or just exercise outside with him. It's not for appearances-- it's for his health the rest of his life. Talk it out with him-- explain that one of the reasons you got married is because you can grow that way in love and encouragement. Tell him that he is beautiful to you, and that nothing will ever change that. Explain to him that you are worried about his health risks. People with eating disorders oftimes just need to be held and reassured. Good luck!
For recovered alcoholics or others who dealt with addiction?
how did you relearn how to do everything without alcohol? for instance one thing im really having trouble with is i only had sex while drunk, minus one boyfriend who was horrible so even further ruined sober sex for me, and even though im confident while drunk and know what im doing and how to have a good time, im so nervous to have sex while sober, i almost feel like its going to be my first time again and i have a lot of anxiety about it, how do i get over this?For recovered alcoholics or others who dealt with addiction?
I've been sober for a long time now. I really do understand what you are saying. I am male however. It really is like being a virgin all over again. I was luck to find a lady that was really turned on by that. We played together for a year or more.
I do have a suggestion for you however. Attend AA, and talk with other lady's there, they either are going through the same or have been through it. In general the policy is that women talk with women, and men talk with men about sexual matters.
In any case congratulations on your sobriety. All my best to you.For recovered alcoholics or others who dealt with addiction?
you have to keep in mind that you probably drank to get away from your feelings. so in general when you learn how to handle your feelings without alcohol your natural self will come through and the same applies to sex.
Ive been recovered for almost 15 yrs, thank God, and some things take time. Don't despair, it will fall into place like other things, and you will find a joy in remembering doing things rather than wondering if you had a good time or if you even did anything. Like they say in certain places-- time takes time. I am a very content man for the most part even though I still make mistakes, but the mistakes I make are no longer life-threatening to me or others.Take care and be well.
I've been sober for a long time now. I really do understand what you are saying. I am male however. It really is like being a virgin all over again. I was luck to find a lady that was really turned on by that. We played together for a year or more.
I do have a suggestion for you however. Attend AA, and talk with other lady's there, they either are going through the same or have been through it. In general the policy is that women talk with women, and men talk with men about sexual matters.
In any case congratulations on your sobriety. All my best to you.For recovered alcoholics or others who dealt with addiction?
you have to keep in mind that you probably drank to get away from your feelings. so in general when you learn how to handle your feelings without alcohol your natural self will come through and the same applies to sex.
Ive been recovered for almost 15 yrs, thank God, and some things take time. Don't despair, it will fall into place like other things, and you will find a joy in remembering doing things rather than wondering if you had a good time or if you even did anything. Like they say in certain places-- time takes time. I am a very content man for the most part even though I still make mistakes, but the mistakes I make are no longer life-threatening to me or others.Take care and be well.
How could i deal with my dad he's an alcoholic?
My dad drinks since i was 3 yrs. old now i'm 24 and i'm married with two kids. i live with my husband and kids with my mom and dad, but there are a lot of problems with my dad because of his drinking he doesn't get along with my husband he yells alot to my mom and puts her down always this man needs to be away but i feel sorry for him because he does'nt have no body else he also lost his job because of his drinking. Can somebody tell me what to do in this situation????(please i really need advice)How could i deal with my dad he's an alcoholic?
1. its time you and your husband with kids get your own place
2. You can tell him if he doesnt change his ways...your ALL gone (including mom) and hopefully that lil threat will help
3. rehab maybe? or dont let him get outa the house to buy drinksHow could i deal with my dad he's an alcoholic?
Tell him he needs to cleans up his act and until that happens, you're not going to put up with his **** either.
your dad Chooses to drink, he's an alcoholic... my mom was
i moved away and till she got sober, she wasnt in my kids-- or my life
you need to try that too
Honestly there is nothing you can do for him. He has to want to help himself. The best thing you can do is get yourself, your husband and kids out of there. You don't want your kids growing up around an alcoholic like you did, do you?
you guys need to be hard on him i know it sounds mean but someone like that needs to be taken down of his thoughts that he can do anything he wants like your mom for example she needs to stand up to him and let him know she doesn't need his crap (even if she does) and you well just support your mom and pay less attention to him try to be separate and hard on him and once he sees he's been rejected he'll work for a chance and please do take my advice cause ti works.... it happened to us and well yeah now everything is better than before....web page host
1. its time you and your husband with kids get your own place
2. You can tell him if he doesnt change his ways...your ALL gone (including mom) and hopefully that lil threat will help
3. rehab maybe? or dont let him get outa the house to buy drinksHow could i deal with my dad he's an alcoholic?
Tell him he needs to cleans up his act and until that happens, you're not going to put up with his **** either.
your dad Chooses to drink, he's an alcoholic... my mom was
i moved away and till she got sober, she wasnt in my kids-- or my life
you need to try that too
Honestly there is nothing you can do for him. He has to want to help himself. The best thing you can do is get yourself, your husband and kids out of there. You don't want your kids growing up around an alcoholic like you did, do you?
you guys need to be hard on him i know it sounds mean but someone like that needs to be taken down of his thoughts that he can do anything he wants like your mom for example she needs to stand up to him and let him know she doesn't need his crap (even if she does) and you well just support your mom and pay less attention to him try to be separate and hard on him and once he sees he's been rejected he'll work for a chance and please do take my advice cause ti works.... it happened to us and well yeah now everything is better than before....
How could i deal with my dad he's an alcoholic?
My dad drinks since i was 3 yrs. old now i'm 24 and i'm married with two kids. i live with my husband and kids with my mom and dad, but there are a lot of problems with my dad because of his drinking he doesn't get along with my husband he yells alot to my mom and puts her down always this man needs to be away but i feel sorry for him because he does'nt have no body else he also lost his job because of his drinking. Can somebody tell me what to do in this situation????(please i really need advice)How could i deal with my dad he's an alcoholic?
1. its time you and your husband with kids get your own place
2. You can tell him if he doesnt change his ways...your ALL gone (including mom) and hopefully that lil threat will help
3. rehab maybe? or dont let him get outa the house to buy drinksHow could i deal with my dad he's an alcoholic?
Tell him he needs to cleans up his act and until that happens, you're not going to put up with his **** either.
your dad Chooses to drink, he's an alcoholic... my mom was
i moved away and till she got sober, she wasnt in my kids-- or my life
you need to try that too
Honestly there is nothing you can do for him. He has to want to help himself. The best thing you can do is get yourself, your husband and kids out of there. You don't want your kids growing up around an alcoholic like you did, do you?
you guys need to be hard on him i know it sounds mean but someone like that needs to be taken down of his thoughts that he can do anything he wants like your mom for example she needs to stand up to him and let him know she doesn't need his crap (even if she does) and you well just support your mom and pay less attention to him try to be separate and hard on him and once he sees he's been rejected he'll work for a chance and please do take my advice cause ti works.... it happened to us and well yeah now everything is better than before....
1. its time you and your husband with kids get your own place
2. You can tell him if he doesnt change his ways...your ALL gone (including mom) and hopefully that lil threat will help
3. rehab maybe? or dont let him get outa the house to buy drinksHow could i deal with my dad he's an alcoholic?
Tell him he needs to cleans up his act and until that happens, you're not going to put up with his **** either.
your dad Chooses to drink, he's an alcoholic... my mom was
i moved away and till she got sober, she wasnt in my kids-- or my life
you need to try that too
Honestly there is nothing you can do for him. He has to want to help himself. The best thing you can do is get yourself, your husband and kids out of there. You don't want your kids growing up around an alcoholic like you did, do you?
you guys need to be hard on him i know it sounds mean but someone like that needs to be taken down of his thoughts that he can do anything he wants like your mom for example she needs to stand up to him and let him know she doesn't need his crap (even if she does) and you well just support your mom and pay less attention to him try to be separate and hard on him and once he sees he's been rejected he'll work for a chance and please do take my advice cause ti works.... it happened to us and well yeah now everything is better than before....
Thought my wife had cheated, but she told me she was abused, but was really raped!?
I found out my wife cheated one me twice I know of. Once was near the time our (alleged) daughter was concieved and once after we were married. We have been married for just over a year and now this is all coming out because I had to snoop through her e-mails. I was all ready to leave her, but if she was really raped what should I do. I told her I didn't understand how she could even be around him again and she said he apologized, but WTF? She has other issues she has never dealt with eg. alcoholic father and being sexually abused by uncle as a child which she has yet to tell her family about. I am so confused right now. There are other things too, but these are the most major. Should I stay or just move onn and find a more with my life. The paternity test is still pending but she does look just like me so....??????? What should I do next? I still don't see myself trusting her and when I know something is wrong and ask her, she just says she needs time to think about it and never says.Thought my wife had cheated, but she told me she was abused, but was really raped!?
I was raped at 15 and I told noone, u kinda feel ashamed and just don't wanna tell people...to this day my family still doesn't know but my hubby does, I choose not to tell my family cuz it was so long ago whats the point now ( I'm 31 now). Basically for u its all about trust...
u know ur wife think back from when it possibly happened did u notice her at any time feeling distant from people, quiet, a lil jumpy when some1 touched her, emotional, losing weight or gaining weight... thats a couple things that happened w/ me afterwards, not saying every1 is like me but majority of people that are raped feel that way, so thats just something to think about...I never saw that man again and I thank god I never saw him!!
Good luck and I hope u figure out the truth cuz being raped sucks and if ur wife is lieing shame on her!!Thought my wife had cheated, but she told me she was abused, but was really raped!?
you shouldn't trust her a person isn't going to admit that they cheated on the other... and once a cheater always a cheater but since you have a kid i wouldn't really make a huge fuss about it
Sounds very convenient to me. Twice? If you cant deal with the terrain, don't go down that road.
you have a right not to trust her.. shes betrade you. you have to decide if she worth trying over again. she needs to be an open book and let you check on her anytime anywhere. just till you feel you can trust her again..if shes not willing to do that you might have to move on. good luck
I'm sorry- but I don't believe that a woman would see a man again who has raped her. Bottom line. I think she has alot of problems, and I don't think she can be trusted.
Your going to stay with her. No doubt about it. If you havent left her yet you probably wont learn your lesson for a really long time. If I were you Id run as fast and as far away from her as I could.
IF all that she says is true, she's needs counseling and lot's of it. If you have a child together, it's in the child's best interest to have 2 healthy parents. You must love her, else you wouldn't have married her to begin with. Not everyone is free of baggage, maybe she just needs someone to trust. Now that you guys have this bond-the child-she may be feeling like she can be bit more vulnerable with you and will open up. You really should encourage her to seek some outside help whether you stay together or not. This is going to be a very, very long journey...are you up for it?
Whatever you do, do not fault the child for the mother's issues.
My opinion is you should get out. Stay close so that way you can still be in the childs life and wait for the paternity test. Once it is declared that the child is yours you should seek legal help and get full custody of that child. If you don't who knows what issues that child will have growing up. Your wife has too many issues that need to be dealt out by her and only her. She sounds in denial right now and when someone is in denial then they think they are right and no one else is. Once a cheater always a cheater. I live by that motto because if your significant other didn't have enough respect for you to tell you she was unhappy then who knows what else she'll do. I do not know if she is lying and I am not saying she is but I used to have a friend that used to lie to her mother all the time about how she was raped by her step-father. I knew for a fact that it was a lie but she lied anyways to get what she wanted. So trust your instinct and trust yourself.
Good luck
This one is a box of rocks.
The only thing better that having no women is having a GOOD one. You don't have one and she never will be. Understand?
Hopefully this kid is not yours, real men must never have realtions with a tramp and your story is the reason why.
I was raped at 15 and I told noone, u kinda feel ashamed and just don't wanna tell people...to this day my family still doesn't know but my hubby does, I choose not to tell my family cuz it was so long ago whats the point now ( I'm 31 now). Basically for u its all about trust...
u know ur wife think back from when it possibly happened did u notice her at any time feeling distant from people, quiet, a lil jumpy when some1 touched her, emotional, losing weight or gaining weight... thats a couple things that happened w/ me afterwards, not saying every1 is like me but majority of people that are raped feel that way, so thats just something to think about...I never saw that man again and I thank god I never saw him!!
Good luck and I hope u figure out the truth cuz being raped sucks and if ur wife is lieing shame on her!!Thought my wife had cheated, but she told me she was abused, but was really raped!?
you shouldn't trust her a person isn't going to admit that they cheated on the other... and once a cheater always a cheater but since you have a kid i wouldn't really make a huge fuss about it
Sounds very convenient to me. Twice? If you cant deal with the terrain, don't go down that road.
you have a right not to trust her.. shes betrade you. you have to decide if she worth trying over again. she needs to be an open book and let you check on her anytime anywhere. just till you feel you can trust her again..if shes not willing to do that you might have to move on. good luck
I'm sorry- but I don't believe that a woman would see a man again who has raped her. Bottom line. I think she has alot of problems, and I don't think she can be trusted.
Your going to stay with her. No doubt about it. If you havent left her yet you probably wont learn your lesson for a really long time. If I were you Id run as fast and as far away from her as I could.
IF all that she says is true, she's needs counseling and lot's of it. If you have a child together, it's in the child's best interest to have 2 healthy parents. You must love her, else you wouldn't have married her to begin with. Not everyone is free of baggage, maybe she just needs someone to trust. Now that you guys have this bond-the child-she may be feeling like she can be bit more vulnerable with you and will open up. You really should encourage her to seek some outside help whether you stay together or not. This is going to be a very, very long journey...are you up for it?
Whatever you do, do not fault the child for the mother's issues.
My opinion is you should get out. Stay close so that way you can still be in the childs life and wait for the paternity test. Once it is declared that the child is yours you should seek legal help and get full custody of that child. If you don't who knows what issues that child will have growing up. Your wife has too many issues that need to be dealt out by her and only her. She sounds in denial right now and when someone is in denial then they think they are right and no one else is. Once a cheater always a cheater. I live by that motto because if your significant other didn't have enough respect for you to tell you she was unhappy then who knows what else she'll do. I do not know if she is lying and I am not saying she is but I used to have a friend that used to lie to her mother all the time about how she was raped by her step-father. I knew for a fact that it was a lie but she lied anyways to get what she wanted. So trust your instinct and trust yourself.
Good luck
This one is a box of rocks.
The only thing better that having no women is having a GOOD one. You don't have one and she never will be. Understand?
Hopefully this kid is not yours, real men must never have realtions with a tramp and your story is the reason why.
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