When I was young, my Mum was an alcoholic. I always worried that I would become like that but never actually thought I would because I use to be against drinking. But now I am an underage alcoholic and can't tell me counselor because, well, I just can't. Should I accept that I've turned into my mum? Or try to stop?How do I deal with this?
You have not turned into you mom.
Please talk to your counselor.. you must if you want to get better.How do I deal with this?
you should try and stop because, if you continue, you will have alot of health problems as a young adult. also if you keep drinking now, you will have a hard time quitting as an adult
There is in fact a genetic marker for alcoholism. That does not mean you have to be an alcoholic it means that you have this tendency therefore will have to work harder to overcome it. You are underage that is young. Young is good it means you will have an easier time stopping. Because you need to stop. I am not preaching I simply know that the longer you drink the harder it is to quit. Cut down gradually, decrease your amount by 1/3 every week. Good luck honey.
You NEED to get help for yourself. You deserve it. Think of what damage you could be doing to your body by remaining an alcoholic. If you don't get help- you will stay like this for the rest of your life, and it will eventually kill you if the addiction becomes bad enough.
You really should tell your counselor about this. if you don;t tell him.her, then you won't get the help you so badly need.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
How can I deal with being an adult child of alcoholics (on my own)? I can't get over it, I really suffer:(
I am not able to trust, to talk...I can't imagine talking to a bunch of people on the meetings...
I am helpless:(How can I deal with being an adult child of alcoholics (on my own)? I can't get over it, I really suffer:(
I understand how you feel.. My father was an alcoholic and recently almost died so now he is recovering. I know it's hard to talk about it. I couldn't go to the Al anon meetings either because I was so afraid. What I did do was start reading on it. Their are several books out there. If your too embarrassed to go to a book store, they are on line. This is the one I recommend : http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1558741鈥?/a>
This book is good. It will explain alot of things, like your trust issues and reasons you act the way you do. I know it's difficult, but seriously I had thought the same things and this book really helped me. Good luck!How can I deal with being an adult child of alcoholics (on my own)? I can't get over it, I really suffer:(
Al-Quran stopped humanity from drinking Alcohol.
1. Prohibition of alcohol in the Qur鈥檃n
The Glorious Qur鈥檃n prohibits the consumption of alcohol in the following verse:
';O ye who believe!
Intoxicants and Gambling,
(Dedication of) stones,
And (divination by) arrows,
Are an Abomination 鈥?
Of Satan handiwork;
Eschew such (abomination),
That ye may prosper.';
[Al-Qur鈥檃n 5:90]
2. Prohibition of alcohol in the Bible
The Bible prohibits the consumption of alcohol in the following verses:
';Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging; and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise.';
[Proverbs 20:1]
';And be not drunk with wine.';
[Ephesians 5:18]
Ask your physician to recommend a counselor.
if you are above 18, i'd suggest u move out, find a job %26amp; study at the same time. It's gonna be tough, but it'll be a chance to meet new people, make new freinds and most important of all DO NOT APPROCH ALCOHOL ever in your life, as u can see what it leads to..
Perhaps you seek the private/individual guidance of a sincere and highly trained therapist specialized in treating adult children of alcoholic parents.
Most all medical doctors have a Rolodex for patient recommendations, perhaps you can find such a specialized therapist by asking him.
As a one-time member of Alanon, I can sympathize. I sat there a long time before I could talk in front of a group of people, but if you hang in there, you can get a lot of help. Alanon, Alateen and Alcoholics Anonymous all have support groups for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Call a local AA group to find out when and where ACOAs meet.
Here's how you can get more info:
Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA)
Alanon, Alateen, and Alcoholics Anonymous
Alcoholics Anonymous World Service, Inc.
Box 459 Grand Central Station
New York, NY 10163
Or go look at Alanon's web site:
I am helpless:(How can I deal with being an adult child of alcoholics (on my own)? I can't get over it, I really suffer:(
I understand how you feel.. My father was an alcoholic and recently almost died so now he is recovering. I know it's hard to talk about it. I couldn't go to the Al anon meetings either because I was so afraid. What I did do was start reading on it. Their are several books out there. If your too embarrassed to go to a book store, they are on line. This is the one I recommend : http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1558741鈥?/a>
This book is good. It will explain alot of things, like your trust issues and reasons you act the way you do. I know it's difficult, but seriously I had thought the same things and this book really helped me. Good luck!How can I deal with being an adult child of alcoholics (on my own)? I can't get over it, I really suffer:(
Al-Quran stopped humanity from drinking Alcohol.
1. Prohibition of alcohol in the Qur鈥檃n
The Glorious Qur鈥檃n prohibits the consumption of alcohol in the following verse:
';O ye who believe!
Intoxicants and Gambling,
(Dedication of) stones,
And (divination by) arrows,
Are an Abomination 鈥?
Of Satan handiwork;
Eschew such (abomination),
That ye may prosper.';
[Al-Qur鈥檃n 5:90]
2. Prohibition of alcohol in the Bible
The Bible prohibits the consumption of alcohol in the following verses:
';Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging; and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise.';
[Proverbs 20:1]
';And be not drunk with wine.';
[Ephesians 5:18]
Ask your physician to recommend a counselor.
if you are above 18, i'd suggest u move out, find a job %26amp; study at the same time. It's gonna be tough, but it'll be a chance to meet new people, make new freinds and most important of all DO NOT APPROCH ALCOHOL ever in your life, as u can see what it leads to..
Perhaps you seek the private/individual guidance of a sincere and highly trained therapist specialized in treating adult children of alcoholic parents.
Most all medical doctors have a Rolodex for patient recommendations, perhaps you can find such a specialized therapist by asking him.
As a one-time member of Alanon, I can sympathize. I sat there a long time before I could talk in front of a group of people, but if you hang in there, you can get a lot of help. Alanon, Alateen and Alcoholics Anonymous all have support groups for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Call a local AA group to find out when and where ACOAs meet.
Here's how you can get more info:
Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA)
Alanon, Alateen, and Alcoholics Anonymous
Alcoholics Anonymous World Service, Inc.
Box 459 Grand Central Station
New York, NY 10163
Or go look at Alanon's web site:
How do i tell my mom i don't want to live with her anymore?
i want to live with my dad. he is an alcoholic but i have dealt with that before. i feel so bad since i barely know him and it hurts whenever i see him. he hates me but i still want to know him. i am tired of living with my mom but i love her. i just want to try it with my dad. and plus there is a better school where my dad lives. how do i tell her?How do i tell my mom i don't want to live with her anymore?
exatly the same way you wrote it except more sensitive like this:
Hey mom, i dont know if this is the right time to say this or not but i do know some things about dad isnt right like how i know my dad is an alcoholic but i have dealt with that before and i feel so bad since i barely know him and it hurts whenever i see him. And i know he kind of hates me but i still want to get to know him. So what im trying to say is that I want to live with dad.And there is a better school there. Dont think that i dont love you anymore or that i hate living with you i just think that im old enough to get to know my dad a little better.
so...
HOPE THIS HELPS !!!GOOD LUCKHow do i tell my mom i don't want to live with her anymore?
just say..mom..i really miss dad and i want to try to live with him for a while.
Tell your mom you want to spend the summer with your dad. That way you can finish the school year where you are and won't have to worry about instantly fitting in at the new school. Then if things go good with your dad for the summer you can start school there next fall, and by then you will have some friends in the neighborhood who will help you get to know everybody at the new school.
Just remember that drunk men sometimes do things they shouldn't do and be careful. Always have a plan to get out fast if you have to.
Best wishes and may God bless you.
exatly the same way you wrote it except more sensitive like this:
Hey mom, i dont know if this is the right time to say this or not but i do know some things about dad isnt right like how i know my dad is an alcoholic but i have dealt with that before and i feel so bad since i barely know him and it hurts whenever i see him. And i know he kind of hates me but i still want to get to know him. So what im trying to say is that I want to live with dad.And there is a better school there. Dont think that i dont love you anymore or that i hate living with you i just think that im old enough to get to know my dad a little better.
so...
HOPE THIS HELPS !!!GOOD LUCKHow do i tell my mom i don't want to live with her anymore?
just say..mom..i really miss dad and i want to try to live with him for a while.
Tell your mom you want to spend the summer with your dad. That way you can finish the school year where you are and won't have to worry about instantly fitting in at the new school. Then if things go good with your dad for the summer you can start school there next fall, and by then you will have some friends in the neighborhood who will help you get to know everybody at the new school.
Just remember that drunk men sometimes do things they shouldn't do and be careful. Always have a plan to get out fast if you have to.
Best wishes and may God bless you.
Has anyone else had an alcoholic parent?
How did you deal with it? I've lived with my mom forever, and I can't take it anymore that she is an alcoholic. Every night she sits back with a bottle of wine and gets trashed. I'm ready to move on with my life, but the thing is I'm worried about how she will be without me. I'm going into the Military so I'm going to be moving out soon.
Any advise would be great.Has anyone else had an alcoholic parent?
My mother was I moved away to go to college she did fine without me, she had her bottle and t.v. We tried helping her to no avail, you can only help a person for so long, some don't want help. Sorry you are going through this.Has anyone else had an alcoholic parent?
OK well there is a reason why she is drinking and getting trashed. Find out why and maybe you can help. furtheremore, you should def talk about it with someone and dont hold in your emotions. also, know that its not your fault for real. haha also avoid arguing with her. when she isnt drunk consider talking to her about how it makes you feel. and when she is drunk and is yelling at you, keep your cool. Lastly, dont let it get to you where it feels like your in an empty room and your being pushed into a corner. Good luck in the military for real, thanks.
1) Al-anon will teach you loads.
2) military: bad choice. You need real life to overcome the damage she's done to you.chicken enchilada recipe
Any advise would be great.Has anyone else had an alcoholic parent?
My mother was I moved away to go to college she did fine without me, she had her bottle and t.v. We tried helping her to no avail, you can only help a person for so long, some don't want help. Sorry you are going through this.Has anyone else had an alcoholic parent?
OK well there is a reason why she is drinking and getting trashed. Find out why and maybe you can help. furtheremore, you should def talk about it with someone and dont hold in your emotions. also, know that its not your fault for real. haha also avoid arguing with her. when she isnt drunk consider talking to her about how it makes you feel. and when she is drunk and is yelling at you, keep your cool. Lastly, dont let it get to you where it feels like your in an empty room and your being pushed into a corner. Good luck in the military for real, thanks.
1) Al-anon will teach you loads.
2) military: bad choice. You need real life to overcome the damage she's done to you.
I think I have to dump my friend --- please advise....?
I have a good friend - who I really like, but I found out that she was lying to me for months.
About a year ago she got herself involved with a roommate who occupied another room in a flat where she was staying. I have supportively listened to her complain about his drunkenness, self-sabotage, drug usage, depression, and how he has abused and used her --- especially to the tune of at least 2000 bucks in a month (that is what she will admit to - I know there is probably more) as I watched her fall deeper and deeper into codendency with this looser. I was there for tears, anger, advice --- basically I was a good friend --- even though it got tiring sometimes and I felt like she was nuts.
I stood by her side, listened to her complain, helped her find her own apartment so that she could rid herself of this mess and have peace. Two months later ---last week when she got her keys...she started acting funny, avoiding me..... today, the day she is supposed to move in ---- I find out that she is putting me off, because she is bringing HIM to stay with her (rent free) because ';he has no place else to go'; and telling me how she can't just throw him out,etc.....
I am of two minds --- first mind says ';she really wants you as a friend and she lied to you because she is embarrassed and desperate---- be her friend, give her time, she needs support';
the other mind says
';you deserve friends who are honest and authentic. You are a 34 year old adult child of an alcoholic who has dealt with liars and enablers and codependents all your life. She is triggering you. Send her an email and tell her that you understand her decisions but this is too difficult for you. You deserve health and drama free friends.';
I had a feeling all-along that she was just going to bring this guy with her...and I begged her not to do it. She told me that she wouldn't, that she couldn't. .she hung out with me probably 10 times and lied to me to my face. I know she lied to me because she is desperate --I don't really have hurt feelings about that....I am just more disgusted with her choices and lifestyle and I feel like this stuff is triggering serious boundary issues for me......
Advice? What do I tell her?
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I think I have to dump my friend --- please advise....?
Listen to you 'other mind' and break this cycle. for your sanity you have to keep your distance from this. you dont have to be mean, mad, or rude to her. just make it plain that you deserve friends who wont use and lie to you. YOU DONT DESERVE FRIENDS WHO USE OR LIE TO YOU. You deserve healthy relationships. give this friend time find this for herself as well.I think I have to dump my friend --- please advise....?
If i were you i would stay her friend. Its her dumb decision not yours. She'll regret it one day.
answer mine please:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?鈥?/a>
About a year ago she got herself involved with a roommate who occupied another room in a flat where she was staying. I have supportively listened to her complain about his drunkenness, self-sabotage, drug usage, depression, and how he has abused and used her --- especially to the tune of at least 2000 bucks in a month (that is what she will admit to - I know there is probably more) as I watched her fall deeper and deeper into codendency with this looser. I was there for tears, anger, advice --- basically I was a good friend --- even though it got tiring sometimes and I felt like she was nuts.
I stood by her side, listened to her complain, helped her find her own apartment so that she could rid herself of this mess and have peace. Two months later ---last week when she got her keys...she started acting funny, avoiding me..... today, the day she is supposed to move in ---- I find out that she is putting me off, because she is bringing HIM to stay with her (rent free) because ';he has no place else to go'; and telling me how she can't just throw him out,etc.....
I am of two minds --- first mind says ';she really wants you as a friend and she lied to you because she is embarrassed and desperate---- be her friend, give her time, she needs support';
the other mind says
';you deserve friends who are honest and authentic. You are a 34 year old adult child of an alcoholic who has dealt with liars and enablers and codependents all your life. She is triggering you. Send her an email and tell her that you understand her decisions but this is too difficult for you. You deserve health and drama free friends.';
I had a feeling all-along that she was just going to bring this guy with her...and I begged her not to do it. She told me that she wouldn't, that she couldn't. .she hung out with me probably 10 times and lied to me to my face. I know she lied to me because she is desperate --I don't really have hurt feelings about that....I am just more disgusted with her choices and lifestyle and I feel like this stuff is triggering serious boundary issues for me......
Advice? What do I tell her?
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I think I have to dump my friend --- please advise....?
Listen to you 'other mind' and break this cycle. for your sanity you have to keep your distance from this. you dont have to be mean, mad, or rude to her. just make it plain that you deserve friends who wont use and lie to you. YOU DONT DESERVE FRIENDS WHO USE OR LIE TO YOU. You deserve healthy relationships. give this friend time find this for herself as well.I think I have to dump my friend --- please advise....?
If i were you i would stay her friend. Its her dumb decision not yours. She'll regret it one day.
answer mine please:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?鈥?/a>
I am 35 weeks pregnant and my husband has been put into a mental institution. Is there hope?
My husband used to be a real sweetie when I met him three years ago, but little by little all these things came out into the open. First, I found out that he was an alcoholic, then after dealing with that, it is though enough on its own, because he behaves totally erratic when he drinks. He cannot handle stress one bit. He is a medical resident and has already been kicked out of his first residency program. Back in March, when this happened, he completely lost it and went driving under the influence of Ambien and Vodka and got into two car accidents. He tried to jump out a window and smashed his head through a windshield. To top it off, he started screaming at me at target and take fun of me because I was constipated in front of a whole bunch of customers. All this while I was pregnant. He was on bipolar medication since March, but none of it worked and today he went off the deep end again collapsed after driving under the influence of who knows what and was put back into the mental institution. They are not quite sure if he truly is bipolar, because he pretty much only has the characteristics when he is under the influence of something. He just cannot handle stress at all. He said that he was not happy about the baby because he is not even sure how he will support her since he might not have a job anymore. All of this is causing so much distress to me. I had ZERO support from him throughout this pregnancy. I feel so lonely and hopeless and have done so much to better his situation but he is back on square on. Can he be helped?I am 35 weeks pregnant and my husband has been put into a mental institution. Is there hope?
Seek the wisdom of Robby the Sheath. He might be able to help, but you are in a pickle.I am 35 weeks pregnant and my husband has been put into a mental institution. Is there hope?
There is only hope. But honestly if this has been happening the whole time you've been with him, I wouldnt trust him with my children, especially in a car, and at a BBQ party, or even better yet treating me at the hospital!!
I would leave, live with your parents or what have you...at least until he's clean and a calm mature adult.
He needs three things to happen.
To find God.
To stay on his meds.
To quit drinking.
He will need all three to have any sucessful relationships.
God luck %26amp; God bless
you knew all of this and still stayed? and now you are having his child?
I do not feel 1 bit sorry for you... you knew he was crazy... and you still decided to stay and conceive a child who will probably be bi polar as well.. its genetic... now the child is going to suffer!
This is what happens when you are caught up in the moment, or needy!
Focus on your child... you or your Boyfriend don't matter anymore.. only the well being of that baby!
you need to stay away from him, at least until he's better. it is not healthy for you or your baby. maybe he needs to go to rehab for drug and alcohol addictions. live with your parents for a while, or maybe a trustworthy and responsible friend just in case he tries to harm you or your child when he is ';under the influence.';
Whether or not he can be helped is irrelevant. It's not your job to help him, nor are you qualified. Just about any one thing he has done since you've known him (that you mentioned in your question) is enough to motivate any normal person to GET OUT. This is what I call the ';Oprah Situation.'; It's usually females facing a ridiculous man, wondering how they can save the relationship. When you see another girl doing what you are now doing, it's easy for you to realize the folly in the situation. I can hear you now- 'girl, you gotta get OUT!'
Well, we're all outside looking in, and we're not tied up emotionally with this freakin IDIOT. Leave this man. NOW. Once he's fixed, great. Let him prove it, then you can start back over at the beginning. Anything else will fail- it's classic emotional baggage. Just the fact that you have to ask the question proves it.
People don't come here to vent, or to get that nice, understanding pat on the back from girlfriends saying, 'girl, I know how you feel.' Not here. We're giving you truth. Hard answers. Use them to give yourself resolve and do what you have to do. You lived your whole freakin life without this man in it. How is it you can't seem to do it now?
You do need to get counseling for yourself as this is a mental and physical drain especially in your condition. Also try to find support groups whether on-line or through the Behavioral Health Dept in your area. I will list some sites to check out. Do not isolate yourself as that can make the mental stress of what you are going through worse. Don't worry about him he is where he should be, you have to concentrate on you and the baby now. Good luck and God Bless!
Im sorry you are going through all of this but the best thing you can do is remember its NOT YOUR FAULT. He is an adult and he makes bad choices. He may be bipolar and all and there is help but he has to want it first of all. Bipolar's are very impulsive and have highs and lows. Never a middle ground and he seems to have very poor coping skills and seems to be self medicating himself with alcohol. He needs to stay on his mood stabilizer and see a psychiatrist regularly to monitor how he is doing. Those meds wont help if he doesnt take them everyday for one either, so that may be your problem. There is a simple blood test to check and see if the level is therapeutic. Then the alcohol and the ambien which is also a downer, seems to me he is self medicating his problems and not dealing with them. He needs a lot of work and you have to tell him that he must get help and stick with it or else its over. If you stay with him and he continues to do this to not only the two of you but your baby to be.
Sit him down and tell him that he cant do this no more or you are leaving.
Just remember though, are you willing to put up with this. He will continue to have the same problems if he doesnt want to change and sadly it will bring you down.
Go get counseling for yourself and you should really consider if this is really what you want for you and your baby.
Im sorrry but this is a double sword here and seriously...he has to want help and want to stay clean.
Sometimes hitting bottom and losing everything (his family) is a wake up call but not always.
I wish you luck with him but take care of yourself no matter what the cost.
Seek the wisdom of Robby the Sheath. He might be able to help, but you are in a pickle.I am 35 weeks pregnant and my husband has been put into a mental institution. Is there hope?
There is only hope. But honestly if this has been happening the whole time you've been with him, I wouldnt trust him with my children, especially in a car, and at a BBQ party, or even better yet treating me at the hospital!!
I would leave, live with your parents or what have you...at least until he's clean and a calm mature adult.
He needs three things to happen.
To find God.
To stay on his meds.
To quit drinking.
He will need all three to have any sucessful relationships.
God luck %26amp; God bless
you knew all of this and still stayed? and now you are having his child?
I do not feel 1 bit sorry for you... you knew he was crazy... and you still decided to stay and conceive a child who will probably be bi polar as well.. its genetic... now the child is going to suffer!
This is what happens when you are caught up in the moment, or needy!
Focus on your child... you or your Boyfriend don't matter anymore.. only the well being of that baby!
you need to stay away from him, at least until he's better. it is not healthy for you or your baby. maybe he needs to go to rehab for drug and alcohol addictions. live with your parents for a while, or maybe a trustworthy and responsible friend just in case he tries to harm you or your child when he is ';under the influence.';
Whether or not he can be helped is irrelevant. It's not your job to help him, nor are you qualified. Just about any one thing he has done since you've known him (that you mentioned in your question) is enough to motivate any normal person to GET OUT. This is what I call the ';Oprah Situation.'; It's usually females facing a ridiculous man, wondering how they can save the relationship. When you see another girl doing what you are now doing, it's easy for you to realize the folly in the situation. I can hear you now- 'girl, you gotta get OUT!'
Well, we're all outside looking in, and we're not tied up emotionally with this freakin IDIOT. Leave this man. NOW. Once he's fixed, great. Let him prove it, then you can start back over at the beginning. Anything else will fail- it's classic emotional baggage. Just the fact that you have to ask the question proves it.
People don't come here to vent, or to get that nice, understanding pat on the back from girlfriends saying, 'girl, I know how you feel.' Not here. We're giving you truth. Hard answers. Use them to give yourself resolve and do what you have to do. You lived your whole freakin life without this man in it. How is it you can't seem to do it now?
You do need to get counseling for yourself as this is a mental and physical drain especially in your condition. Also try to find support groups whether on-line or through the Behavioral Health Dept in your area. I will list some sites to check out. Do not isolate yourself as that can make the mental stress of what you are going through worse. Don't worry about him he is where he should be, you have to concentrate on you and the baby now. Good luck and God Bless!
Im sorry you are going through all of this but the best thing you can do is remember its NOT YOUR FAULT. He is an adult and he makes bad choices. He may be bipolar and all and there is help but he has to want it first of all. Bipolar's are very impulsive and have highs and lows. Never a middle ground and he seems to have very poor coping skills and seems to be self medicating himself with alcohol. He needs to stay on his mood stabilizer and see a psychiatrist regularly to monitor how he is doing. Those meds wont help if he doesnt take them everyday for one either, so that may be your problem. There is a simple blood test to check and see if the level is therapeutic. Then the alcohol and the ambien which is also a downer, seems to me he is self medicating his problems and not dealing with them. He needs a lot of work and you have to tell him that he must get help and stick with it or else its over. If you stay with him and he continues to do this to not only the two of you but your baby to be.
Sit him down and tell him that he cant do this no more or you are leaving.
Just remember though, are you willing to put up with this. He will continue to have the same problems if he doesnt want to change and sadly it will bring you down.
Go get counseling for yourself and you should really consider if this is really what you want for you and your baby.
Im sorrry but this is a double sword here and seriously...he has to want help and want to stay clean.
Sometimes hitting bottom and losing everything (his family) is a wake up call but not always.
I wish you luck with him but take care of yourself no matter what the cost.
I feel horrible, but I have to draw a line and dump a good friend who has issues?
I have a good friend - who I really like, but I found out that she was lying to me for months.
About a year ago she got herself involved with a roommate who occupied another room in a flat where she was staying. I have supportively listened to her complain about his drunkenness, self-sabotage, drug usage, depression, and how he has abused and used her --- especially to the tune of at least 2000 bucks in a month (that is what she will admit to - I know there is probably more) as I watched her fall deeper and deeper into codendency with this looser. I was there for tears, anger, advice --- basically I was a good friend --- even though it got tiring sometimes and I felt like she was nuts.
I stood by her side, listened to her complain, helped her find her own apartment so that she could rid herself of this mess and have peace. Two months later ---last week when she got her keys...she started acting funny, avoiding me..... today, the day she is supposed to move in ---- I find out that she is putting me off, because she is bringing HIM to stay with her (rent free) because ';he has no place else to go'; and telling me how she can't just throw him out,etc.....
I am of two minds --- first mind says ';she really wants you as a friend and she lied to you because she is embarrassed and desperate---- be her friend, give her time, she needs support';
the other mind says
';you deserve friends who are honest and authentic. You are a 34 year old adult child of an alcoholic who has dealt with liars and enablers and codependents all your life. She is triggering you. Send her an email and tell her that you understand her decisions but this is too difficult for you. You deserve health and drama free friends.';
I had a feeling all-along that she was just going to bring this guy with her...and I begged her not to do it. She told me that she wouldn't, that she couldn't. .she hung out with me probably 10 times and lied to me to my face. I know she lied to me because she is desperate --I don't really have hurt feelings about that....I am just more disgusted with her choices and lifestyle and I feel like this stuff is triggering serious boundary issues for me......
Advice? What do I tell her?
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I feel horrible, but I have to draw a line and dump a good friend who has issues?
I think you already know the answer, but it tastes of a little guilt and shame. I love the cognitive, you know';you deserve friends who are honest and authentic. etc.
I am a recovering addict of anything and more, and also a adult child of alcoholic. When and if she dumps this guy, there is a good chance she find his clone, it's just who she is for right now. Just let her know that you will be there for her when the lying, manipulating, drama and man addicting has passed. She needs mucho help. Oh, and by the way, you are a good friend and will be a better one if you follow through.I feel horrible, but I have to draw a line and dump a good friend who has issues?
Thats bad... you don't need a friebnd thats not listening to you and avoiding you... thats not what the meaning of 'friend' is.
About a year ago she got herself involved with a roommate who occupied another room in a flat where she was staying. I have supportively listened to her complain about his drunkenness, self-sabotage, drug usage, depression, and how he has abused and used her --- especially to the tune of at least 2000 bucks in a month (that is what she will admit to - I know there is probably more) as I watched her fall deeper and deeper into codendency with this looser. I was there for tears, anger, advice --- basically I was a good friend --- even though it got tiring sometimes and I felt like she was nuts.
I stood by her side, listened to her complain, helped her find her own apartment so that she could rid herself of this mess and have peace. Two months later ---last week when she got her keys...she started acting funny, avoiding me..... today, the day she is supposed to move in ---- I find out that she is putting me off, because she is bringing HIM to stay with her (rent free) because ';he has no place else to go'; and telling me how she can't just throw him out,etc.....
I am of two minds --- first mind says ';she really wants you as a friend and she lied to you because she is embarrassed and desperate---- be her friend, give her time, she needs support';
the other mind says
';you deserve friends who are honest and authentic. You are a 34 year old adult child of an alcoholic who has dealt with liars and enablers and codependents all your life. She is triggering you. Send her an email and tell her that you understand her decisions but this is too difficult for you. You deserve health and drama free friends.';
I had a feeling all-along that she was just going to bring this guy with her...and I begged her not to do it. She told me that she wouldn't, that she couldn't. .she hung out with me probably 10 times and lied to me to my face. I know she lied to me because she is desperate --I don't really have hurt feelings about that....I am just more disgusted with her choices and lifestyle and I feel like this stuff is triggering serious boundary issues for me......
Advice? What do I tell her?
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I feel horrible, but I have to draw a line and dump a good friend who has issues?
I think you already know the answer, but it tastes of a little guilt and shame. I love the cognitive, you know';you deserve friends who are honest and authentic. etc.
I am a recovering addict of anything and more, and also a adult child of alcoholic. When and if she dumps this guy, there is a good chance she find his clone, it's just who she is for right now. Just let her know that you will be there for her when the lying, manipulating, drama and man addicting has passed. She needs mucho help. Oh, and by the way, you are a good friend and will be a better one if you follow through.I feel horrible, but I have to draw a line and dump a good friend who has issues?
Thats bad... you don't need a friebnd thats not listening to you and avoiding you... thats not what the meaning of 'friend' is.
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